Crazy-busy.

This past weekend I didn't get much apartment makeover type things accomplished because I was doing 10 million other things and driving all over the greater Miami Valley. Between Saturday and Sunday I did the following:

-gave a test for my work at our branch campus
-helped a friend move
-got a hair cut
-helped the same friend get settled since I have mad organizational skills and get some weird joy out of turning chaos into order.
- showered 2x on Sunday (really, I don't know how this fit in w/the time change and all)
-drove to hometown and:
-finished planning my best friend's Bridal Shower (which is THIS Saturday) and the Bachelorette in May
-Went to Target
-Visited my preggers sister at my mom's house, twice (once before Target trip, once after wedding-stuff planning)

This weekend has convinced me while I love driving a compact car the next time its car purchasing time, I would like something a bit more roomy. Claustrophobia can set in when you spend 50% of your weekend driving around in crappy weather. I would looooooooove the newly redesigned Honda Insight, but lets not get our hopes up.

I'm hoping to maybe at least get our bills organized into the expandable file I bought almost two weeks ago sometime this week. Other than that, I'm on Bridal/Baby Shower stand by, with both happening on Saturday and Sunday.

When did I get a life?

Motivation.

Here I am a short 5 months ago, rockin' my wedding dress and looking quite svelte ( for me at least).

Saturday was my own personal body image D-Day. The dress ordered back in September for my bestie's (seen above as the best MOH evar) wedding in May came in and we were going to pick it up. Would it zip? Wouldn't it? I was quite anxious.

Then it zipped. Hurrah! Could I sit and breathe at the same time in it? Definitely not! But I am beginning damage control on this issue this week, and I have 4 months to drop approximately 15 to 20 pounds lest I want to stand the entire evening of her nuptials. I'm acquiring a treadmill in the next week or so and the morning usage will begin. I have a good feeling about things, and I'm going to try and stay optimistic. I know from past experience the first thing to ruin my motivation and determination when it comes to weight loss is when I get inside my head and set up proverbial pessimistic camp. That is not an option.

And for some unknown reason, I am super excited to get a treadmill and use it every morning. Weeeeee!

Vacation Obsessed.

We spent the 7 days post-wedding with this as our back (actually it was more like side, but you get the picture) yard. I had been very excited about the trip, but I still never considered myself a "beach" person.

Until now.

I am consumed with the planning of a return trip we are going to take next spring. Even though its far away. And I know it won't be the exact same because it won't be immediately following our wedding, but I'm hoping it will be just as awesome, if not a bit better since it won't be their rainy season. (It never rained for an entire day, but it rained every day at some point, hence the awesome price of the condo we stayed in.)

I'm not sure if this is goes to show just how much we dislike our jobs or just how badly we needed a vacation. I can be a pretty high strung individual, but give me 2 to 3 beach vacations in a year, and I think I would be A-ok.

I had been warned about post-wedding blues...how I would be so sad that it was all over. Wedding-wise I couldn't be happier it is all over. I hated wedding planning. The wedding day itself was awesome, and yes, if I could replay it just once, that would be cool. I am however quite bummed the honeymoon trip is over....but the silver lining is the blissful we-just-got-married tone of our lives right now. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before...i sort of reminds me of those first 6 months of dating, minus the anxious "do they really like me" feelings, but that doesn't really sum it up either.

It is just so strange knowing I'm going to go gray with this guy...I mean, we put it in ink and everything (completely his idea, no joke):


PS- Tattooing slightly sunburned skin is a SUPER bad idea, but what can ya do when your new hubby wants matching tattoo's with your wedding date? Oh and I changed the look around here just because a little change sometimes can do ya good :)

OMG

Yesterday I was excited.

Today I am so exhausted I just want to cry, but I'm too exhausted to cry.

I need solid, dreamless sleep and I doubt I'm going to get that before next week.

Not really stressed or worried just really, ridiculously exhausted at this point.

Maybe since I'm off work starting tomorrow I will sleep better.

Success with 9 days to go

I. Have. A. Dress. (!)

Its gorgeous and a bit too much (and definitely not the Drama Dress, but c'est la vie) but at this point, I wanted a bit too much ;)

I'm holding off on posting it here until after the wedding, so you'll just have to check back!

Now I can fully focus on other wedding related nonsense for the next 9 days.

Can't Hardly Wait.

(Remember that movie? I haven't seen it in years but now I want to...)

16 days.

I've been teetering back and forth from excited to upset a lot this week....mostly due to PMS but also because I have 16 days to work out lots of things for w-day and we have about $140 to make non-food wedding purchases with...and to live on until next Friday.
And I'm scheduled for a hair cut and color Saturday at 11:30 and thats $65. I was going to get the old eyebrows waxed too, but I think I'll have to cheat on my stylist and go to Regis at the mall so I can shamefully put it on my Visa.

But still, I can't freaking wait until the 29th.
To be married (!)
To be surrounded by all the people who are important to us.
To see people I haven't seen in a long-ass time.
To meet Fiancé's out of state friend from college and to have him meet my oldest friend who lives in Chicago now (hopefully he makes it)
To have a sense of accomplishment that we did it.
To spend an entire week relaxing.

There was a time in my life I honestly didn't think I would ever be doing this, but I've never been happier and I feel more like myself than I ever have in my 24 years and 11 months of living.

22 Days and Still No Dress

This week brought a new development in my dress drama. The owner of the shop who had been arranged by the designer to recieve my dress (Athena Bridal) called me Monday afternoon. I was busily running errands at work to get ready for an event we had yesterday and I missed the call and had a voicemail from her. It is probably a good thing she left me the news on the message, because I got really upset. Like, almost-threw-my-phone-into-a-brick-wall-while-crying upset.

House of Wu (the designer) "lost" my dress. It was made and ready to go, pending payment from Sharnett Bridal back in July. When Sharnett said they wouldn't be paying for it, Wu sent them to collections and my dress went MIA at this point. I'm guessing they sold it to a warehouse bridal place or something to get their money.

The Owner of Athena's told me they placed a rush order for them to make me another dress and the estimated date of arrival is August 20. That's nine days before the wedding. And that's the best case scenario.

I spent the rest of Monday and most of Tuesday pretty pissed off and sulking. I've come to terms with it now....there isn't anything I can do but wait so I've been distracting myself with getting other things done.

If I don't have this dress the Monday before the wedding....I'll be calling off work the entire week (instead of just the 3 days before the wedding) and finding one then.

I know the universe may be trying to tell me something here...but I freaking love my dress, and I won't give up on it until the last possible moment. Plus I'm hoping things will be smooth with everything else because I've paid my dues in the whole "weddings never go as planned" arena right?

Or I just won't care if the day of things go wrong, because nothing can really top all this BS....

Wedding prep a go-go

I apologize for the wedding heavy posts lately...I know this isn't a "wedding blog" but 4 weeks out from W-Day it is damn near impossible to not babble about wedding related things. I'll return to my randomness sometime after Labor Day, with a pinch of quarter-life crisis talk since I'll be the big 2-5 a few weeks later.


So here we are. Less than a month before the wedding. Where the H did the summer go? For reals!?

This past weekend was wedding productive. Fiancé's mom, Kiddo and I went and chose fabric for the flower girls dresses. F's mom is a bit of a seamstress and will be making the dresses sometime in the next 4 weeks. She and I also sat down and went through her music collection to fill the gaps we had for wedding music. I had everything except the dance type stuff people like at weddings.

On top of this, Fiancé got his wedding shoes (hi-top Chuck Taylor's), I got my bridesmaids their dresses we ordered from Target online and we decided to get the marriage license tomorrow and then ring/pant shop for Fiancé and for cool cake toppers tomorrow night.

Things are coming together nicely, but I'm still really, ridiculously worried about having enough money for things. C'est la vie I guess.

I talked to the dress shop Friday afternoon. We were both under the impression the designer had my dress at the distribution center in Florida. We were both wrong in assuming this. My dress is somewhere between the States and China right now. When will it end?

Crash and Burn.

Hell hath no fury like an (about to be married) woman's scorn.

Fiancé and I had words last night regarding our guest list issues. They were not pleasant words and there were probably more tears (on my part) than words at one point. I'm not going to give the play by play because it was a very stupid argument and it wasn't really resolved, besides me saying, "well that didn't fix anything so we might as well call a truce" (this was when I reached over and shook his hand as we laid in bed and he laughed at me). I'm trying not to stew about it, but it is very hard since I'm on wedding-mode just about 24/7 at this point. Which is what I blame for the argument. I'm very extreme with my emotions right now...very very happy or very very not.

I have a to-do list with more things that cost money than things that do not, until last night the list was comforting, but today it feels like the bane of my existence. Okay, its not that bad...I just want to get everything taken care of in the next week or two so I can have some major chill out time the two weeks before the wedding.

The Dress Shop still hasn't called. Last week when I talked to them, they said my dress should be in by "early next week". Well its Friday of "next week" and they still haven't called to tell me it is in. They have until 2pm to call, and then I will be calling them to figure out what is going on with things.

Hopefully the next time I blog it will be to announce I have the damn dress in my possession.

32 days...

...til the wedding, and, my dress is being shipped to another store as we speak. It could possibly be there anytime this afternoon and I spoke with the owner who assured me she would call if this is the case.

I contacted the dress designer again last week and they contacted this other shop, whom they do business with in order to have it shipped there. I have to pay what Sharnett Bridal owes the the designer...but that is only about half of what I paid Sharnett in the first place. So yes it sucks, but I would've probably ended up spending that much or more on a new dress and I love my original dress so why get someting different?

We have the bridesmaids squared away as well (since their dresses were also ordered from the store that closed) a la Target online. I love me some Target!!

Somewhat related but pretty random: I came across a forum posting on my bridal networking site where a bride just bought her 4th dress, and its a month from her wedding. It said something like "I'm finally satisfied" or something. I can't imagine putting myself through what I've gone through with my dress in the past month on purpose...but, to each his own, right?

I'm actually getting excited about things...and not just excited for the honeymoon, but excited for the actual wedding day, woo woo!

F*ck it.

As of today, 40 days until our wedding, I have nothing to wear.

Wait! That't not true! I have shoes and my veil.

I returned my replacement dress. It was a very beautiful dress but I felt very fat and not pretty in it, and decided w-day is the one day I should be exempt from feeling those things.

So now I wait. I wait for the call from the store owner, or perhaps a miracle....that a package containing my wedding dress will be on my doorstep one evening. I have a few other options as well...I just really want the dress I paid for and ordered in February. BUT...if I can't have it, I'm still getting married to my lovely fiancé and that is the most important thing and I know it. He has been so great through all of this; completely supportive and somehow conveyed his "it doesn't matter what you wear" man-neutrality on my clothing for our wedding without upsetting me.

So I say fuck it. Fuck this dress bullshit and the sleep I've lost over it.

I'm getting married in 40 days!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!

TAT: Totally Awkward Tuesdays

Hosted by TovaDarling

Awkward is not being obsessed over our wedding but being expected to be by society and even by people who have known me my whole life. People who knew I was firmly in the "I doubt I'll ever get married" club for a very long time and still being asked by them "what are your colors?"

It is drilled into girls so young to be consumed by weddings and colors and the perfect dress and the perfect day and its YOUR DAY (not "their day" because the plural actually includes the love of your life and its not even really about him.....besides that YOU ARE MARRYING HIM) and you're a princess and you're expected to be a complete bitch and make your bridesmaids wear the same dress and shoes and jewelry and hair and to be suddenly concerned with flowers and favors and colors and types of ribbon. So when I ventured out into the wide world of wedding planning, I've been met with a lot of strange looks and behaviors for not being so typical.

All I have wanted since we got engaged was to NOT be stressed in the planning process and to create a day that reflects us as a couple and that celebrates love. There have been a few small incidents, but nothing compares to my dress shopping experiences.

The first shop I went to was on a Monday evening. My sister was with me and we were not even approached by an employee until my we had pulled a bunch of dresses Then we were sort of yelled at for, because they usually only pull 5 at most at a time. Then we took pictures of me the first dress I put on and were told we weren't allowed to do that either. Great start. I had one I really liked, but I wanted to try more.

I should have done my research, and not gone to the SeventhCircleofHell for dress shopping round two, but I was on a budget, so it was off to D's Bridal for me. There I was tortured by being assigned an associate who was easily 75 years old and had a way less than pleasant disposition. When I arrived for my scheduled appointment, the receptionist at the store told me my associate would be with me soon. I asked if I should start pulling dresses, and was told oh no, they would do it for me. Cool I thought. Well, not really. She made me do that while she went to get me a slip and a bra, and then put my girls to work pulling stuff, which was fine, but then she complained if they brought dresses that were a size too small or a size too big for me to try. She didn't even ask me if I wanted one of them to help me in and out of things, she just did it, and stabbed me with her long red finger nails as she put me in and out of about 15 dresses. She had the worst people skills I had ever experienced. I am a pretty easy person to talk to, but she made me so uncomfortable. It was awful.

I later decided to purchase the favorite dress from the initial store. The day I was measured was another one laden with awkwardness. I was treated like I was an inconvenience and was rushed through the process. I'd never had measurements of any kind taken so I didn't know what to expect and the girl measuring me was a total bitch. When I asked what "private designer" meant (I was told my dress was made by one of the shops private designers) because I had some ethical concerns, the owner matter-of-factly told me, "honey they are all made in sweatshops, so unless you have a dress custom made that's where its coming from, but I've been to them, and they are that bad" and it wasn't so much what she said but how she said it. Then I was scooted out the door as fast as they could take my full payment in cash.

I felt like because I did not purchase an extravagant, princess ball gown I was treated like crap. On a later visit when I mentioned how I was looking for 3 different dresses with brown lace accents the girl helping me that day looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my nose.

My original dress....isn't she lovely?

Now, recent events discussed in Adventures in Wedding Planning have forced me to purchase other dress since my original one has gone MIA.

Dress number two...pretty but not perfect.

Lesson Learned: To avoid awkward moments and lots of frustration by not buying into the Wedding Industrial Complex in American Society, Elope and have an informal BBQ reception unless you can afford a full service wedding planner....or if you do buy into the WIC, more power to you...it's just not me.

MIA

I have some explaining to do, dear readers (all 4 of you....holla!!)

You see, I've been sort of lax on the blogging as of late. Mostly because I feel a very strong urge to bitch and moan every time I go to post something and I don't want to be a downer so I choose not to share on those particular days. Which lately, seems to be....well Every. Stinking. Day.

I need to get it out...so out with it: (although I will try to see the silver lining and put a positive spin on things)

I am struggling with this mess of a wedding...one day I am ready to take charge and the next I want nothing to do with it. I made a "everything left to do" list yesterday and its not awful, although the "things needing done that don't cost money" section is v. small, just like our bank account balance which in this case, is v. bad news, since just about everything we have left to do requires purchasing things.

I started working on my Master's Project again early last month but seem to have lost steam on that once again. My current excuse is, "my advisor is out of the state on vacation until July 20, so I can't do much more w/o consulting her" which is really, a load of crap...well, yes she really is on vacay, but I could be doing a lot on my own, I just choose not to. I know I'll finish, I just keep putting it off.

All the while I am trying with all my might to not worry incessantly about money. It is a HUGE problem for me...even when we have money, I worry about expensive "what if's" that could pop up. So I try and remember how most people don't have enough right now...and we both still have jobs and a place to live and cars that run and we are in love and getting hitched and we are really lucky to have each other.

So make me feel better today, lovelies....what is your biggest worry as of today, July 1st 2009? Sharing is fun...and it might make you feel a little bit better as well.

Tue(do)sday

On this week's agenda:
-Spend quality time with Fiancé and enjoy each other's company.
-Tentative Corsage-assembly party has been scheduled for Saturday afternoon.
-Buy doubled sided tape (I keep thinking about assembling the centerpieces, but need tape first)
-Be as active as possible...more for stress management than for weight loss at this point. I really see a difference in my moods when I at least go for a walk on my lunch break or something.

I have to work this Saturday...so that is a huge bummer but I will either leave early Friday or come in late on Monday to even things out. Plus, NEXT week is only a four day week because of the Fourth. Plus my dress could possibly be in the week after the holiday weekend, so that is something to look forward to. I think I might actually get excited once it is here, but we'll have to wait and see.

Totally random: I had crazy Nazi Germany infused dreams last night. Probably since we watched Tom Cruise play "dissenter Nazi Tom Cruise" in Valkyrie. It was good, besides the fact that Tom Cruise was the star.

To-Doooooo.

We have roughly 2 1/2 months to go until W-Day and I still haven't felt that fire under my ass to finish everything early. I know it will happen, because I am perpetually early for everything in life (I was even born 2 weeks before my due date) and I don't want to be stressed, but right now there is a long list of excuses as to why I'm not super excited about/doing all things wedding related.

But let's not focus on that, let's focus on what I have accomplished in the past seven days:

-Invites have been mailed, and recieved by most people w/in a hour's drive of where we live.

I hope with all of my being, for the sake of my sanity, people mail the already postmarked and addressed RSVP cards back. This is one of my BIGGEST hang ups with all things wedding related. You are expected to spend all this money and time and sanity on invites and RSVP cards plus the postage for both says "etiquette" and then the self-righteous extended family "assumes" you know they are coming. OMGGGGG why would I send you a postmarked, addressed envelope if I didn't want the damn thing back?! HolyTapDancingChrist its not that hard to write your name on a piece of paper, stick it in an envelope and throw it in the mail!!!

Sorry about that. Back to accomplishments:

-Thank-you's for shower #1 have been mailed.
-I discovered Tibetian Prayer Flags just like these on Etsy are sold at a shop in town, so I can go and buy them if we have the monies days before the wedding.
-Fiancé and I had a lesson in arguing.

I guess the last one is not an accomplishment, but since we don't argue often, I feel like each time there is something new to learn and I will say, we talked it out a lot faster than usual and he was A LOT more vocal. Probably because we were in the car and he didn't have to look me in the eye. Bottom line is: we both need to be more respectful of the other.

We still need to figure out the rehearsal dinner menu and I need to procure undergarments for my dress....oh and we need to compile music a la Fiancé's parents music collection and figure out our catering (it's discussed here) if you can call it that :)

Plus some other stuff that I'll get to when I actually give a shit. For now, I'll continue on with my apathy.

Have a lovely, neutral day.

Crunch Time.

Here's a list about my current state of small accomplishments:

Wedding invites are stuffed, stamped, labeled and ready to go. I haven't mailed them yet, I'm waiting until Friday for some unknown reason.

I wrote out shower #1 thank-you cards last night and I'm going to mail them today.

I ordered three swim suits off the old interweb last week for the honeymoon and I'm patiently awaiting their arrival.

81 days to go. Should I be excited yet? I'm still notsomuch.

I FINALLY began revising my Master's Thesis last night and it wasn't scary or awful; it was actually refreshing to use my brain for something besides wedding nonsense or family worries.

After all the excitement with my supervisor telling me I could take time off to finish, and then mentioning funding my PhD, he went on vacation beginning the day I was supposed to report back to him about my meeting with my advisor. He hasn't even asked about it since he's been back, but this doesn't surprise me, and I'm still finishing by August anyways.

I'm still trying to grow a pair and call in for a mental health day from work....but it still hasn't happened, we'll see how I feel Friday morning.

Oh the joy of planning a wedding.

W-Day: 88 days to go

The invites have been printed, along with address labels and the man-rentals (I'm not saying tuxes, because all they are renting are vests, shirts and ties, per Fiancé's request, claiming they all have black dress pants) have been organized. I mailed the balance that we owed for the Condo rental and I want to mail the photographer at least $100 this month. I still owe $88 or so to the table rental place.

I have 30 some-odd thank you notes to send out for Shower gifts. The highlights:
-Dirt Devil Kone rechargeable hand held vacuum
-three bag laundry sorter with ironing board on top
-George Foreman grill
-super cute pjs from my momma (those weren't on my registry)
-Stemless wine glasses along with two other sets of glasses we wanted.
Overall, I think it went well....but I didn't sit still for more than 5 minutes until they had me open presents. I DO NOT want the wedding to be like that. I will try my hardest to make sure I am fully aware and enjoying myself, not worrying about talking to every single person there. I almost want to do a revised receiving line because of this....but only have Fiancé and I talk to people, since I think they are awkward for the wedding party who won't know everyone.

Upcoming to do's:

1. stuff a prototype invite and take it to the post office to make sure it doesn't weigh too much...then its invite assembly time.
2. figure out what I'm wearing under my dress.
3. decide on a rehearsal dinner menu (per the restaurant)
4. make man-flowers and mom/g-ma corsages.

Secrets, Secrets

post secret really spoke to me today with these two. Especially the second.

My own little secrets: I'm terrified of our money situation right now, I haven't done shit for my Master's Thesis since telling my advisor I want to finish up before August and the BIGGEST one: If one more person asks me "what my colors are" or talks about "MY big day" coming up, I think I might lose it. I HATE being the soon to be bride. I cannot wait for this wedding to be over and to be Mrs. H and be on the beach for a week with Mr. H.

Ahhhhh I feel better. Anyone need to leave a secret? Feel free ...anonymous or not.

Happy freakin' Monday. I'll try to post a blurb about the Wedding Shower and how things went later, but we'll see.

Long.

Long weekends: they rule but have a way of leaving you exhausted and wanting more. 3 days off is not enough. Only about 3 months until the honeymoon week of nothingness on the beach in Florida. It can't come soon enough.
We somehow managed to hang with some friends and see both of our families over the weekend. We were very well fed, but not very well rested and spent a crazy amount of time in the car. My family is about 45 minutes from where we live, and his is about an hour and half, depending on traffic. Very worth it though, we had a great weekend. I think I'm a little more than bummed that it is over. Oh well, must press on with life.

We are going to take the invite materials to the printer tonight...hopefully the price is similar to my calculation of around $30 since money is a HUGE issue right now...there just doesn't seem to be enough for our already low budget wedding.

I've been striving to be as active as possible every day...even if it means doing the free step mode on the Wii Fit for 30 minutes while watching TV at night. I did that last night...but this was after I fell asleep on the couch for an hour. It was one of those "I didn't even realize I was asleep until my phone rang and woke me up" types of naps.

I have work I should be doing but can't seem to get motivated. Blarg.

I promise to have more interesting things to say next time.

Thrice.

I see I have more than the lone follower these days....I think that deserves a huge WOO-WOO! Thanks for making me feel loved followers!

I've written before about how I don't care if no one reads this...because its nice to have a quiet place to spew randomness. Alas, I'm discovering it is also nice to get feedback on the randomness from perfect strangers as well, so keep it coming...and tell a friend if you so choose.

So 100 days from today is our wedding. I'll be the blushing bride, trying to eating breakfast (with a mimosa fo' sho') at this point 100 days from today. I'm excited, but still a bit worried about money and how things are going to be executed.
We are going to Kinko's next week to drop off the invite paper for printing....and Fiancé is (supposedly) going next weekend to choose clothing for the men folk. My shower is next Saturday...and I'm mildy excited about this as well. Plus, Fiancé's mom and sister will probably throw me another one sometime in June for his side of things, since they are all based around Columbus. Woo wedding crap. Overall, I'm still way more excited for the trip to Florida at this point and for everything to be done with.... is that messed up? Oh well if it is.