Weekend Adventures.

The weekend went by in a flash, just like always. I did manage to enjoy some adult beverages Friday night and not feel like death Saturday morning. Not sure how that happened, but I'm hoping to duplicate the results again sometime. Then I got an IPhone 4 Saturday. I think I'm in love. Plus I keep telling the husband it will make my lonely weeknights less lonely. And then Sunday I roadtripped to visit the fam and captured this adorableness in the process:

This little lady is crawling now. Soon she'll be going to Prom.

On my way home I stopped and visited with my Grandma. I'm not sure if I have ever talked about my elderly apprehension on here before, but until Sunday I had never visited my grandma by myself. Ever. She made me uncomfortable; my entire childhood she wasn't the most grandmotherly type towards me. I won't go into details, but it sort of made me weird about older people. Until now. She talked my ear off, and I would have stayed longer, if it hadn't been 7:00 on a Sunday night.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted, and I can't wait to visit with her again. It was an altogether great weekend.

Logic vs. Intuition.

Logically, my college educated, sociology laden brain is screaming, "NOOOOOOO! Baby is not the best choice!" But then there are millions of years of evolution inside me, quietly nudging, "BAAAAAAABBBBBBBEEEEEEEE, makeabaaaaaaabbbbbeeeeeee".

And it is slowly driving me nuts, the push and pull of it all.

So, since I love a good list, a made a pros and cons list for (possible) procreation. In no apparent order:

Pros:
-Will shut up biological clock
-Tiny clothes, shoes and hats w/ears
-Someone to take care of me when I'm old
-cousin for Baby M. (my niece)
-Sibling for Kiddo and Little One
-Having a mini-me (or mini husband in the case of a boy) would be cool
-Getting to parent the way I want, not tip toe around the hard stuff like I do w/the girls because I never want them to say in anger, "you're not my mother!" I already know that.
-Never a boring moment
-hugs and cuddles
-finger painting possibilities
-Being told "you two would make such cute babies!" makes me curious...
-Giving my husband the chance to do the baby thing, one last time when he will be there for all the milestones he missed out on with the girls

Cons:
-Body never the same
-Mass amounts of laundry
-Taking care of for 18+ years
-Another person to bathe, clothe, feed etc...
-Taking Dad time away from Kiddo and Little One
-Babies turn into kids who turn into teenagers (who, in general, are annoying at best)
-College $
-childcare costs (I doubt we could afford me to do the SAHM thing, sadly and that opens up a whole other issue with me: why have kids if I'm going to pay someone else to basically raise them?)
-doctor's visits
-sticky hands/faces
-Lack of sleep
-loss of identity

This is where I stand on the topic. 12 cons versus 12 pros. Completely torn.



***

My husband and I were watching a TV show last night and one of the characters was getting a vasectomy. He mentioned, "If you are 100% sure you don't want kids we should look into that for me". I all could say was I don't know. Twice. And that is a lot different than how I used to respond to such a discussion. I should have laid it all out for him right then and there, but I clammed up. I'm not so good at eating my words, and after years and years of claiming, "I like babies, as long as they are other people's" I am partially hung up on having to do just that.

I know there is not perfect time to have a baby, but at this juncture of our lives, I couldn't feel it is more wrong: we live in a two bedroom apartment we are quickly outgrowing (w/o another human being taking up residence) and I am on the verge of enrolling in a graduate program where I work while my husband is switching jobs, again (that is a long story, ending with panic attacks and his hair falling out). We don't even have a washer and dryer, we are kicking it at the laundromat once a week.

I just wish the nagging feeling that something is missing would go away, but I am seriously starting to doubt if it will on its own.

Day TwentyFour: Playlist.

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Isreal Kamakawiwo'ole
You've Got a Friend-James Taylor
All You Need is Love-The Beatles

Dear Lilly,

Growing up, I read all the Wizard of Oz books and watched the movie more times than I could count. That being said, Somewhere Over the Rainbow is a song about wishes and dreams and how great it would be to make those things come true. I hope it reminds you how important it is to dream and how wonderful dreams can be.

You've Got a Friend is a guide to knowing when someone you meet is truly a friend or foe. If this song applies to them, then you are lucky, because sometimes good, true friends can be hard to see through the fake ones. Listen to the words and then you will know.

I'm sure you will be well educated on the Beatles as you get older, but All You Need is Love is a song I hope you remember when things get rough. I hope it reminds you of where are you from and of what is truly important in life: the relationships with the people you love.

I can't wait to watch you grow up.

Love,
Auntie

Holi-don'ts.

I have already began dreading the next two months. I feel like it starts earlier each year, with Christmas nonsense already filling shelves of every store I've entered since last Sunday, and the TV commercials constantly reminding us of the things to come: Day after Thanksgiving sales, BIG DEALS, consume, Consume, COOOOONNNNNSUMMMME!

We are on a very extremely tight budget this year. With the husband losing his job and I being required to take furlough (long story short: campus will be closed from the week before Christmas until the Monday after New Years and one day of pay each month will be taken off my paycheck until next june, hurrah.) things could get hairy but we have a pretty exact plan of action when it comes to present buying. Mostly, not buying anyone anything besides the girls, Baby M. (my niece) and our parents (ONLY if we can figure out frugal joint presents for each set).

I'm also refusing to become stressed about family obligations. Plain and simple. If the girls can't be there, it will make me sad but I won't get all worked up over it. I'm already expecting my brother to muck everything up, with his "surprise" visit or ever changing arrival date (he is known for both, and while I know he doesn't do it on purpose, it always messes up already planned things....and when he's in another country with the Army its one thing, but he's in South Carolina for Pete's sake!)

So to re-cap Holiday Season 2010 Don'ts:

-No crying (at least not of the sad, we-have-no-money kind, tears of joy are allowed.)
-No stressing (aka no skipping the gym for this girl.)
-No present buying for anyone but the 'rents and the kids. Period. (I have a problem with gift giving...I enjoy it way too much.)

Did I use parentheses enough in this post or what?

Life Happenings.

My life in pictures as of late.

I'm still obsessed with my niece...seen here on Mother's Day....

Bff was a GORGEOUS bride who made lots of people cry many times on the 15th (myself included)...

I rocked the dress and had the skinniest day of my life (as seen above)....

Later I rocked it (quite literally) after many-a-drink from the open full bar...

The day after the wedding Kiddo got to meet her newest cousin...

Who we may see again this Sunday (most likely arriving like pictured above)

Yay for life.

God and Stuff.

I grew up Catholic. I went to mass every Sunday for the first 18 years of my life. I went to private Catholic school for the first 3 years and then I went to Monday evening religion classes until confirmation in the 8th grade. Ash Wednesdays I went to church at 6am before school and then walked around with a dirty forehead (until high school where I would rush to the closest bathroom to wash it off). Midnight Mass was just another part of our Christmas Eve.

Somewhere along the line I ended up in a Methodist youth group since all my friends attended. Then in college, as an Anthropology minor I sort of gave up on the whole religion thing, because really, scientifically, it doesn't make sense to me. The simple fact that many religious people believe the Earth is a mere 6000 years old and people lived to be hundreds of years old in biblical times kills me. There is scientific evidence of our Earth's long history and human lifespan is 120 max, and it was even shorter without western medicine.

But I digress....

I have been throwing around the idea of starting to go to mass again every week at the Catholic church in the small town I live in. To me there is something comforting about mass. It's weird I know, but I was recently at a Catholic wedding and I sort of miss being at church. I mean, more than half my life I went every week. It was just a part of things to me back then. I found it so amusing to NOT do anything on Sundays when I first moved out of my parents house, but now, I'm a bit older and I miss it. I like the excuse to wear a dress. Plus having to just sit and be still for 45 minutes of the week would probably not hurt me any.

Am I finding some old faith in a higher power that I lost somewhere along my way? Probably not. Does a lot of me wanting to go back have to do with my Niece (Baby M) needing at least one active Catholic godparent in order to be baptized in the church? A little. But I also feel like that is just giving me a push in the direction I was heading anyways.

I don't know how the Catholic Church will feel about my reasons for returning (I am also VERY curious to see how Catholic mass in a very liberal community I currently live in compares to what I experienced growing up) but isn't the whole Christianity (yeah, Catholics are Christians, just not all Christians are Catholics) thing about being forgiving and loving everyone? At least that is what I always thought....

Niece( !! )

Lillian Lane Mullins Born at 4:28a on 4.28.10 Weighing in at 5 pounds 9 ounces and measuring 19 inches long.

First peek we had of her.

She looks a lot like my sister, its crazy.

So tiny!

It's too early to be up!

I was pretty much exstatic.

My mom was beaming.

She's so pretty.

I won't lie, I was half expecting My niece's birth to trigger my urge to reproduce, but no such thing has happened. I am completely in love with her....as my niece that I can spoil and cuddle and keep for weekends and bring presents. I'm exhausted, because I was up for about 30 hours and then slept for 4 and went back for another visit, then slept for 10 and here I am, but it was totally worth being there for it all. My sister is doing great and even though she was born at 36 weeks, to a type 1 diabetic 35 year old mom Lilly Bird is happy and healthy as a one day old baby can be. And I honestly never understood how people can say newborns look like anyone, because they are so tiny and old man looking, until now. This baby seriously looks like my sister, its crazy.

So my Step-Daughter's Birthday is April 27 and my Niece's Birthday is April 28. We are screwed when it comes to having money throughout the month of April from this point on :)

Baby. (NO I'm not prego)

My sister and I had a late blooming friendship that started when I was about 18 and she was 28. Back then, she was sometimes more like a second mom than a sister, but now that I am older, we are more like equals, although she still has that older sibling wisdom that comes in handy. (Plus she has worked for the children services branch of social work for over a decade, and that comes in handy from time to time as well, with my Maury Povich type baggage laden Husband. Bonus!)

Us at my Bachelorette, cheesin' it up.

That is the main reason I am borderline-crazy excited about the birth of her daughter (let's call her Baby M), plus I may not want my own, but babies sort of melt my heart. The fact that I am officially this little bebe's aunt adds to the excitement. I married in to 3 nephews and a neice, and although I adore all of them, its slightly different this time, because ITS MY SEEEESTER!

At her work shower, she was about 6 1/2 months here

Yesterday I went down for a visit. They have gotten the room all ready for Baby M. and also renovated their bathroom and I needed to see both, along with Sister's growing belly. I had also been collecting random things since March to give her, since I can't help myself when it comes to baby clothes/accessories. Magnify that by it being my sister and I'm pretty much constantly buying something for the not-even-born-yet child. There's a good chance she may end up being the only from-birth grandchild for both sets of her grandparents. (I say from birth, since my mom has already taken to buying Kiddo and Little One gifts whenever appropriate plus random things whenever she feels like it.) Needless to say, Baby M. will not want for anything, but I know she won't be spoiled rotten either, at least not from my sister and brother-in-law, they are both going to be awesome parents. Me? I'm going to cuddle her, buy her things, even babysit occassionally and when she's older, keep her on weekends and then give her back til next time. I made one small change to Baby M's room:

There was a random dress hanging where the best onesie ever now resides, a close up:

At least I hope she will. Only a few more weeks til she's here. Plus I'll be conveniently in my hometown for my bff's wedding around the time Sister thinks they are going to induce her, if Baby M doesn't decide its time to meet the world before then. Life is pretty unpredictable, so either way, I'll be meeting my new lil neice real soon. Who's ridiculously excited about this fact? That would be me :)