Facebook.

Facebook is the devil. I've been saying this for some time now, but recently it has really hit home. Why you ask? I'll tell you in this handy list:

-I know way too much about people I haven't seen in person in over 5 years. So and so got a new car? Awesome. Whatshisname just got hitched? Cool! (Actually, I don't give a shit.)
-Just when you think TMI has reached its highest level, someone else shares something no one needs to know.
-I've gotten more "wow I haven't seen you since high school, you look great!" than one person needs in a lifetime. Thank you, Random Person From High School, for reminding me of my awkward youth. Congrats on birthing multiple children, working at the same job you had back in the day and still living in our hometown. Keep on living the dream!
-People from college "who love their life and are SO blessed and lucky and about to go on their 15th vacation of the year and then create an album called Sweet Summertime with 150 pictures of them and their girls in bars and in bikinis blah blah blah" are driving my slowly insane. I'm all about being thankful, but can we say narcissistic? And seriously, where the hell are these people getting their money from?? Is there some secret underground money laundering going on that I am missing out on?

Why don't I leave the Facebook, you say? It's not that easy. I've contemplated this long and hard, and you can't just walk away from it. People will talk. Statuses will go un-updated. Birthday wishes will not be given! Invites will not be rsvp-ed to! No, when it all boils down, I'm a bit narcissistic myself, which is why I ended up with all these Random People From High School as "friends" online. I wanted to toot my own horn so to speak. Awkward youth be damned! I'm all grown up with a job and a hubby!

Is that so wrong? (yeah I know, I'm no better than Whasthername and her Summertime album...)

Letter.

Dear Great Lakes,

Thank you so much for adjusting my monthly payments since I could not afford the original $230 a month (due to other bills, including my additional private student loan payment I currently make of $155 a month, which will increase to $250 a month in March). It will be SO MUCH easier to pay you $107 a month until 2013 when it will jump to $311 a month, which is a TOTALLY reasonable amount of money to pay for SIX YEARS, again on top of my private loan payment which will be around $350 a month by then. Oh and thanks for telling me this is my only option, besides the $230 a month I can't afford right now. I liked hearing that so much that I burst into hysterical crying which resulted in hyperventilation. While at work.

I'm SO FUCKING GRATEFUL for my Bachelor's Degree your loans helped me get, and in turn the WONDERFUL, COMPLETELY FULFILLING job I presently have. It DEFINITELY makes it possible for me to not live paycheck to paycheck and really enjoy my life and not worry incessantly about my finances.


Best,
Another Jaded 20something.

p.s.- Understanding College Student Loans should be a mandatory class your senior year of high school, especially when neither of your parents went to college.

(note: all words in CAPS may possibly be heavily laden with sarcasm....and most other words too.)

So it begins. Again.

It's official. I'm looking for a new job.

It is the least I can do while I trudge along in my miserable existence at my current place of employment. Please do not think I am not grateful that I even have a job right now, because I am, but I am also becoming increasingly unhappy where I'm at as each day passes. It is not a fulfilling job and I would really like to find something I enjoy doing at least half of the time, so we can maybe figure out where to look for a house AND so I can stop falling down the stairs of our second floor apartment before I break a hip or something.

I do not miss is formatting the old resumé. Or coming up with concise things to say in a cover letter. Or attempting to guess exactly what they want to see in my objective line but I will at least try, because then I can bitch about how I can't find a new job, instead of about how much I dislike the one I already have. Everybody wins!

To all you 20somethings still plugging away at your undergrad, NEVER LEAVE COLLEGE. It's a huge scary world out here, where student loans go into repayment, cars break down, taxes get WAY more confusing than they already are, and you can't even drown your sorrows beginning on Thursday night because:
1. you have to work on Friday, every Friday, and if you mysteriously always call off, they will catch on eventually
2. your body can't handle drinking like that anymore for one night, let alone a weekly 3 night bender. Now sporadic weddings and friends birthdays leave you feeling like death for the following two days and last but not least

3. You are generally more tired than ever before in your life. Probably because you work at a job you pretty much hate and its sucking the very life out of you one painful 8 to 5 work day at a time.

But hey, at least my car insurance is cheaper! (by about $20. Seriously.)

****

Today is one of those days I feel like I am 25 going on 50. I had a dentist appointment. I found a new guy, closer to where I live. I should probably mention I've been putting off finding a new guy for some time. Like a year. And a half.

So anyways, I went in for the preliminary stuff...x-rays and the like. I come to find out this dentist is ridiculously thorough. 18 x-rays, a dental exam and a periodontal exam later I find out I need at least two root canals and crowns and possibly another root canal and blah blah blah and a whole bunch of other things that I don't even know how to pronounce. So he advises I come in for a cleaning next week, and then we go from there, prioritizing the most urgent stuff first.

Thanks Mom and Dad for craptastic mouth genes (hey if you can't blame your parents, who can you blame?) If you know me, you know I'm pretty religious about my brushing and flossing. All I can hope for is they give me the giggle gas and send me home with some sort of Rx for a nice pain killer to help me forget the awful parts...since all the crap I need done will most likely NOT be able to be done all at once.

Being a grown up isn't really all its cracked up to be. Trust me.

Step-parenting: such a slippery slope.

When a lady finds herself in the position of step-mom, there are tons of emotional escapades that will follow. Last Friday was definitely one of the all time worst. I've never been physically ill from something that has happened, but this almost made me throw-up, I was so angry.

My oldest step daughter (AKA Kiddo around these parts) is quite possibly the best behaved 7 year old on the planet. She listens, she never back-talks and rarely throws anything resembling even a mild temper tantrum. She is very smart and it is a joy to me to be a part of her life. I've written in the past about how Kiddo's mother isn't the best female role model for a young girl so I really try to be a good person/woman for Kiddo to be around. In not so nice words: her mother is a selfish bitch.

Friday Husband and I took the day off work to figure out Halloween costumes. He picks up Kiddo from school most days, so I was along for the ride. Usually Kiddo goes to a babysitter after school for two hours, but on this day, her mother's other child (with her now husband) was sick, so Kiddo was going to her mom's instead, after we dropped off the babysitter's son, who gets a ride sometimes. All of this was explained on the short drive from their school to the babysitter's house. While husband walked the second grader to his door, I asked (the oddly quiet) Kiddo if she was thinking about what to be for Halloween next year (they had dressed up for a party this day; she was the cutest darn cowgirl ever and I was UBER pissed I didn't have my camera) and I got an "I-I-I don't know!" in between sobs. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I miss my Daddy!" This broke my heart. Once I recovered I asked her if she thought this was a weekend she was coming home with us, and she nodded. Husband tried his best to console her once he was back in the car, and told her he would ask her mom if she could stay at least that night with us.

I don't ever participate in the door to door drop off part of things, because, quite frankly, her mother makes me very uncomfortable, plus we don't want to give her the satisfaction of being able to see me on a regular basis. She is very judgemental and her thing is backhanded comments and snide remarks, Husband doesn't want me to have to deal with her anymore than I already do. Anyway, he takes Kiddo up and meets her mother at the front door, I can see them talking and then I see Husband pick her up and give her a long hug, which I know means her mom said no. As her child stood there crying, because she misses her father, who is WAY MORE than willing to have her spend the evening with him, she says no. What the F*CK is wrong with this woman?

(Let me add this side note: Husband pays court ordered support for Kiddo, but when it was processed, he was still in college, so they agreed to not have a formal court ordered visitation schedule, since his work schedule changed often but that they would follow it as best they could and be flexible with things. This is supposed to be Friday at 6pm until Sunday at 6pm every other weekend and one day during the week. Now that he has a 9 to 5 job, you would think this would be easy to follow except Kiddo's mom is a bitch. We haven't had her on a week day in two goddamn years, but she does stay with her Maternal grandparents 1 to 2 times per week...I know wtf is that shit?)

It made me so sad and angry at the same time I actually thought I was going to throw up for a minute once he got back in the car. He told me when her mother said no, Kiddo sobbed even louder. Its so hard to watch a woman emotionally hurt her child like that and not be able to do a damn thing about it. It is truly maddening. Plus Husband has been dealing with this for five years (since him and Kiddo's mom split) so he just buries the anger because he knows there is nothing to change her ways.

I really didn't know where I was going with this, but I feel better getting it out there, so thanks for reading.