I feel like the best thing going for me right now is the compilation of all the small things going well, considering our circumstances. Or perhaps my ability to accentuate the positive? Either way, here's a list of the good:
I have a job with decent benefits that is paying our bills. My family is amazing and the fact that tomorrow my oldest step-daughter will be seeing her sister for the first time in 3 years makes my heart swell. It won't be long until we get to spend time as a family of four again.
I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. We recently pulled off a surprise benefit for one of the sweetest women I know who is battling cancer where we made over $6700. They keep me laughing and remind me of how important it is to let loose and have fun sometimes.
I've convinced myself exercise is something I just need to do each day, sort of like brushing my teeth in the morning and before bed. Just another part of the routine. This is already helping my mood, which usually takes a nose dive when it gets cold...and then another after Christmas, since its cold AND all the holiday crap is over and there isn't much to look forward to besides spring, which sometimes doesn't come until April or May. Since I've started now, I'll continue through the dead of winter and who knows maybe even drop a size or two in the process.
You see, its all good, if you look at things in the right way.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, December 3, 2010
Day TwentyFive/TwentySix: Life.
(I tend to suck at writing over the weekends, so here is two more posts to keep me on track)
The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Besides the biological fact that my body is functioning and keeping me alive? I think I am still here because of a few very important people.
First, my bff since the 8th grade. Adolescence was hard on me, but having one person who always took my side and often defended me to others really made things bearable. Now that we are adults (so weird to say still) and I look back and feel so damn lucky to have had her. I don't know if I would have made it through high school without her. Her house was my second home, and her mom is my second mom. We don't see each other nearly as often as either of us would like, but when we do get together it always feels like it used to...besides that we work 40 hour weeks and both have husbands.
Second, my sister. I remember being 6 years old and I got to ride along with her on a errand to the grocery store (she was 16 at the time). I didn't talk much, because I didn't know what to say to her but I remember thinking to myself, someday we'll be great friends and have so much talk about. And then we were. I was 16 and she was 26 and I would spend the night with her on the weekends mostly to not have to worry about a curfew, but also just to hang out. And to get advice on things I couldn't talk to our mom about. Now I'm 26 and she's 36 and I talk to her every day, either on the phone or through messaging. She's a mom and I'm a step-mom but I sometimes spend the night at her place still, but now it's so I can play with my niece. I'm pretty much obsessed with her, and I feel like I am supposed to be here to support my sister as she raises her.....but I still get advice on things I can't talk to my mom about.
Third, my husband. I've written more times than I probably should about how we met and how he balances me so well so I won't go there again. We don't have much money, we have more scheduling/event planning issues than a conference center and our relationship isn't perfect by any means (he does this pouty-child face while he stares at the floor and doesn't say anything whenever we have a disagreement, it drives me nuts) but at the end of the day, we love each other and we face all the problems together and that makes all the difference. I still get excited to see him when I get home from work every day. He has brought me more joy than I've ever known and he's allowed me to be the part of two little girls lives in the process, which I feel like is another part of the reason I am here. I know it can't be easy on kids when their parents are not together, so I really try to be a positive influence/role model for them as much as possible and I feel like that is part of why I met the husband, it be a positive female in the lives of these little girls.
Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Yes. Junior year of high school and because I was very depressed.
Looking back, I wish I could have known then what I know now....about how much stuff in high school doesn't matter, but I didn't. And it did matter back then; it was all that mattered. All that matters now though, is I didn't give up, I made it through, and life is so much more than 4 years spent in high school.
The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Besides the biological fact that my body is functioning and keeping me alive? I think I am still here because of a few very important people.
First, my bff since the 8th grade. Adolescence was hard on me, but having one person who always took my side and often defended me to others really made things bearable. Now that we are adults (so weird to say still) and I look back and feel so damn lucky to have had her. I don't know if I would have made it through high school without her. Her house was my second home, and her mom is my second mom. We don't see each other nearly as often as either of us would like, but when we do get together it always feels like it used to...besides that we work 40 hour weeks and both have husbands.
Second, my sister. I remember being 6 years old and I got to ride along with her on a errand to the grocery store (she was 16 at the time). I didn't talk much, because I didn't know what to say to her but I remember thinking to myself, someday we'll be great friends and have so much talk about. And then we were. I was 16 and she was 26 and I would spend the night with her on the weekends mostly to not have to worry about a curfew, but also just to hang out. And to get advice on things I couldn't talk to our mom about. Now I'm 26 and she's 36 and I talk to her every day, either on the phone or through messaging. She's a mom and I'm a step-mom but I sometimes spend the night at her place still, but now it's so I can play with my niece. I'm pretty much obsessed with her, and I feel like I am supposed to be here to support my sister as she raises her.....but I still get advice on things I can't talk to my mom about.
Third, my husband. I've written more times than I probably should about how we met and how he balances me so well so I won't go there again. We don't have much money, we have more scheduling/event planning issues than a conference center and our relationship isn't perfect by any means (he does this pouty-child face while he stares at the floor and doesn't say anything whenever we have a disagreement, it drives me nuts) but at the end of the day, we love each other and we face all the problems together and that makes all the difference. I still get excited to see him when I get home from work every day. He has brought me more joy than I've ever known and he's allowed me to be the part of two little girls lives in the process, which I feel like is another part of the reason I am here. I know it can't be easy on kids when their parents are not together, so I really try to be a positive influence/role model for them as much as possible and I feel like that is part of why I met the husband, it be a positive female in the lives of these little girls.
Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Yes. Junior year of high school and because I was very depressed.
Looking back, I wish I could have known then what I know now....about how much stuff in high school doesn't matter, but I didn't. And it did matter back then; it was all that mattered. All that matters now though, is I didn't give up, I made it through, and life is so much more than 4 years spent in high school.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
DearBff,
You are such a breath of fresh air.....even if its only getting together for a few hours after work. That's the beauty of our friendship, the amount of time spent together doesn't matter, as long as it happens from time to time. Don't get me wrong here....there are days where I wish I wouldn't have relocated almost an hour away, but I was never set on staying in our hometown, and we really are only a phone call/45 minute drive away.
Don't let people who are drama-filled and negative pull you down, but perhaps remind them its their life and they can choose to either deal with things and move on or dwell and be miserable.
Did you ever think we'd both be married in 2010? It's crazy to think about, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
Until next time, keep on livin, l-i-v-i-n!
ps-I'm sure everyone and both the mothers have began asking about babies, I'm cool with whenever, since you know I love me some other-people's-babies :)
Don't let people who are drama-filled and negative pull you down, but perhaps remind them its their life and they can choose to either deal with things and move on or dwell and be miserable.
Did you ever think we'd both be married in 2010? It's crazy to think about, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
Until next time, keep on livin, l-i-v-i-n!
ps-I'm sure everyone and both the mothers have began asking about babies, I'm cool with whenever, since you know I love me some other-people's-babies :)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Life Happenings.
My life in pictures as of late.
I'm still obsessed with my niece...seen here on Mother's Day....
Bff was a GORGEOUS bride who made lots of people cry many times on the 15th (myself included)...
I rocked the dress and had the skinniest day of my life (as seen above)....
Later I rocked it (quite literally) after many-a-drink from the open full bar...
The day after the wedding Kiddo got to meet her newest cousin...
Who we may see again this Sunday (most likely arriving like pictured above)
I'm still obsessed with my niece...seen here on Mother's Day....
Bff was a GORGEOUS bride who made lots of people cry many times on the 15th (myself included)...
I rocked the dress and had the skinniest day of my life (as seen above)....
Later I rocked it (quite literally) after many-a-drink from the open full bar...
The day after the wedding Kiddo got to meet her newest cousin...
Who we may see again this Sunday (most likely arriving like pictured above)Yay for life.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Ooooouuuuuchhh.
ET can relate....Now I have begun intense workout/lock down on my eating habits because the eye of my mother-in-law (who has made her own clothes for years) says the dress can't be let out. I'm probably going to take it someplace where they do professional wedding attire alterations just to be sure, but I'm not holding my breath (or I should say, I will be, if it can't be let out. Hah!) or to see if there is anything else to be done to fit my larger-than-they-were-in-September hips, thighs and badonk-a-donk. (I like to make jokes...it makes it less depressing!)
Not talking to my bff who is the bride for said wedding about this predicament has been very hard, but I haven't. She is usually my go-to for anxiety comfort, since I've known her so long and she wouldn't lie to me and tell me "everything will be fine" unless it would be but I don't want her to worry about the size of my behind when I am worrying about it enough for both of us (and then some) plus she is the one getting married, and she has a zillion other things to worry about.
I'm really, ridiculously sore right now through the thighs because that's how intense the lower body workout part of this video is (a la Tabulous, thanks again chica, and if you want it back ever, lemme know!) but the husband keeps telling me its a good thing, because that means its working. I am trying to remember that I hobble around like a 75 year old woman with the arthritis, eat nothing but leafy greens, whole wheat everything and drink 5 gallons of water a day. Oh and almost falling down the back stairs of our apartment (that would have been the 3rd time in 2 years) due to a combo of stiff legs and wearing new shoes. Luckily I caught myself.
I have no one to blame but myself....but I'm not blaming, just finally being hardcore about things. Since my bod loves those endorphins, I'm in a better mood and pretty optimistic I'll be able to get into it again in time. I may not get smaller than when I had the dress on in January, but at least then I can stand there in it...and then not sit down all night...sitting is overrated anyways.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Over?
What happened in February 2010? Did all the snow we received somehow speed up the space-time continuum or something? It seems like things went by really fast. March is so busy for me. Every weekend is a social commitment or a work one, or like the 13th, both when I am working in the morning, getting my hair (an extremely much needed)cut then helping a friend move.
The following weekend is my bridal shower/baby shower extravaganza in my hometown. I'm co-hostessing the bridal on Saturday and the baby on Sunday. Only I would have my best friend and my best (ie: only) sister getting married and birthing the first grandchild of our family in a one week time span in May. Hopefully little Miss Audrey (the favorite name thus far) takes after her mommy, uncle an aunt and comes two weeks early. My sister keeps telling me since she's high-risk (diabetic and 35, which is the starting point of "advanced maternal age" there's a term to make older mommies feel awesome!) it will be a c-section and scheduled, yay for modern medicine. Whenever she arrives, I will be there. I have a niece and nephews from marrying into them, but I was never around a lot for the itty bitty baby parts of them, plus my sister has wanted a baby for a long time, so I'm very excited for them as well.
It's going to be crazy, but I am looking forward to having so much going on again. Being busy doesn't leave time for me to dwell upon how unsatisfied I am with work/career related things. I'm stuck since I want to go back to school, to do something fulfilling and way different than what I do now, but I can't figure out how to pay for it. More student loans are not an option. So I'm trying not to dwell upon things while slowly jumping through the admission hoops in vain hope that once I'm interviewed/accepted I can get them to grant me a tuition scholarship. In a perfect world, right?
***
It stays light out a little bit later every night, and soon it will be consistently warm enough for me to walk in the evenings, something I think about doing every day, but the snow and cold temperatures keep me from. I don't think I've pined for Spring so hard in my entire life. The amount of time the snow has hung around this year compared to the last few seems never-ending so I think that may have something to do with things.
In total random news: I've been married 6 months. Craziness!
The following weekend is my bridal shower/baby shower extravaganza in my hometown. I'm co-hostessing the bridal on Saturday and the baby on Sunday. Only I would have my best friend and my best (ie: only) sister getting married and birthing the first grandchild of our family in a one week time span in May. Hopefully little Miss Audrey (the favorite name thus far) takes after her mommy, uncle an aunt and comes two weeks early. My sister keeps telling me since she's high-risk (diabetic and 35, which is the starting point of "advanced maternal age" there's a term to make older mommies feel awesome!) it will be a c-section and scheduled, yay for modern medicine. Whenever she arrives, I will be there. I have a niece and nephews from marrying into them, but I was never around a lot for the itty bitty baby parts of them, plus my sister has wanted a baby for a long time, so I'm very excited for them as well.
It's going to be crazy, but I am looking forward to having so much going on again. Being busy doesn't leave time for me to dwell upon how unsatisfied I am with work/career related things. I'm stuck since I want to go back to school, to do something fulfilling and way different than what I do now, but I can't figure out how to pay for it. More student loans are not an option. So I'm trying not to dwell upon things while slowly jumping through the admission hoops in vain hope that once I'm interviewed/accepted I can get them to grant me a tuition scholarship. In a perfect world, right?
***
It stays light out a little bit later every night, and soon it will be consistently warm enough for me to walk in the evenings, something I think about doing every day, but the snow and cold temperatures keep me from. I don't think I've pined for Spring so hard in my entire life. The amount of time the snow has hung around this year compared to the last few seems never-ending so I think that may have something to do with things.
In total random news: I've been married 6 months. Craziness!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
No words.
I have began and quit writing this post two times already today. I'm having issues figuring out what I'm feeling, because I'm feeling many things at once.
I'm angsty. I'm facing the fact that I loathe my job and since I've been at it for over one year, I'm comfortable with the idea of looking for something else. Too bad the economy sucks right now. And I'm way overpaid for what I do. And anything I might like to do probably won't pay nearly as well. And I'm the breadwinner.
I'm sad I don't know why. Perhaps its the being 25 and not having a clue where I want to be thing, besides not where I am (career wise). Or because I feel like crap about myself since we got back from the honeymoon and my eating habits have been awful and I haven't been exercising like I should.
Add in the fact that I have been smoke free since Sunday (trying to not dwell on this....I want to make it stick for once) and I'm a big ball of craptastic ick today.
I need to focus on one thing at a time, but I feel like I can't do that right now. I just keep jumping from one thing to another worrying about one a bit, then moving on to the next, not really accomplishing anything.
The answers are easy:
1. Finish Master's, take on teaching part time to supplement income/provide a buffer for crappy job while looking for something better. Then continue teaching if I find something that pays a bit less and deal.
2. Meditate and Freaking. Exercise. (this is gigantically easier said than done for me right now)
3. Use will power while around friends who are smokers for a few weeks and I should be in the clear. Drinking will be the ultimate test.
It all sounds so easy but it all seems so overwhelming to me right now. Blarg.
I'm angsty. I'm facing the fact that I loathe my job and since I've been at it for over one year, I'm comfortable with the idea of looking for something else. Too bad the economy sucks right now. And I'm way overpaid for what I do. And anything I might like to do probably won't pay nearly as well. And I'm the breadwinner.
I'm sad I don't know why. Perhaps its the being 25 and not having a clue where I want to be thing, besides not where I am (career wise). Or because I feel like crap about myself since we got back from the honeymoon and my eating habits have been awful and I haven't been exercising like I should.
Add in the fact that I have been smoke free since Sunday (trying to not dwell on this....I want to make it stick for once) and I'm a big ball of craptastic ick today.
I need to focus on one thing at a time, but I feel like I can't do that right now. I just keep jumping from one thing to another worrying about one a bit, then moving on to the next, not really accomplishing anything.
The answers are easy:
1. Finish Master's, take on teaching part time to supplement income/provide a buffer for crappy job while looking for something better. Then continue teaching if I find something that pays a bit less and deal.
2. Meditate and Freaking. Exercise. (this is gigantically easier said than done for me right now)
3. Use will power while around friends who are smokers for a few weeks and I should be in the clear. Drinking will be the ultimate test.
It all sounds so easy but it all seems so overwhelming to me right now. Blarg.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Can't Hardly Wait.
(Remember that movie? I haven't seen it in years but now I want to...)
16 days.
I've been teetering back and forth from excited to upset a lot this week....mostly due to PMS but also because I have 16 days to work out lots of things for w-day and we have about $140 to make non-food wedding purchases with...and to live on until next Friday.
And I'm scheduled for a hair cut and color Saturday at 11:30 and thats $65. I was going to get the old eyebrows waxed too, but I think I'll have to cheat on my stylist and go to Regis at the mall so I can shamefully put it on my Visa.
But still, I can't freaking wait until the 29th.
To be married (!)
To be surrounded by all the people who are important to us.
To see people I haven't seen in a long-ass time.
To meet Fiancé's out of state friend from college and to have him meet my oldest friend who lives in Chicago now (hopefully he makes it)
To have a sense of accomplishment that we did it.
To spend an entire week relaxing.
There was a time in my life I honestly didn't think I would ever be doing this, but I've never been happier and I feel more like myself than I ever have in my 24 years and 11 months of living.
16 days.
I've been teetering back and forth from excited to upset a lot this week....mostly due to PMS but also because I have 16 days to work out lots of things for w-day and we have about $140 to make non-food wedding purchases with...and to live on until next Friday.
And I'm scheduled for a hair cut and color Saturday at 11:30 and thats $65. I was going to get the old eyebrows waxed too, but I think I'll have to cheat on my stylist and go to Regis at the mall so I can shamefully put it on my Visa.
But still, I can't freaking wait until the 29th.
To be married (!)
To be surrounded by all the people who are important to us.
To see people I haven't seen in a long-ass time.
To meet Fiancé's out of state friend from college and to have him meet my oldest friend who lives in Chicago now (hopefully he makes it)
To have a sense of accomplishment that we did it.
To spend an entire week relaxing.
There was a time in my life I honestly didn't think I would ever be doing this, but I've never been happier and I feel more like myself than I ever have in my 24 years and 11 months of living.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)