Note to self.

Remember this.

The feeling.

The absolutely ecstatic rush of finally getting something you've wanted very badly for a very long time.

I've been offered a fantastic new job. And I've accepted it. And tomorrow when my boss (hopefully) isn't out sick anymore I will be handing in my letter of resignation.

I haven't felt this excited/scared/happy/anxious in a really long time.

Yay.

Gifted?

My attention to detail is ridiculous sometimes. Some may not think this is blog worthy, but I feel so accomplished.

I tell you this because I just plucked a receipt I need to exchange a dress for a smaller size out of the garbage dumpster which was placed there 3 days ago. Gross you say? Indeed, but without said receipt I couldn't exchange so a girl's gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I'll give you some history: I bought a super cute dress to wear for my wedding shower at the end of the month at Target this past weekend. I tried on a large at the store and it was too big so I grabbed a medium and didn't bother to try that one on too, because I can't remember the last time I wore a small anything...besides a small sized bra. I tried it on earlier this evening, and its too big. So I began the search for the receipt and it wasn't in the usual places (bottom of purse, still in the bag in the plastic bag cabinet) then I remembered it WAS still in the bag, which should have been in the plastic bag cabinet because I asked Fiance to put it there a few days ago. Upon digging through our massive amount of plastic bags for a second time, (I keep buying those $1 reusable bags they sell every where now when shopping and I am determined to end the cycle of plastic bags in our home by 2010) I remembered the day I asked him to put it in the cabinet seeing it in the garbage instead...I was a bit put down by this, because he obviously wasn't listening to me when I asked him to put it away, but I let it slide. I considered grabbing the receipt then, but decided a medium will never be too big on me. Whoever came up with "never say never" is wise.

The trash bag containing the Target bag and the stupid receipt went out Tuesday and I just dug it out of our dumpster, along with the Target bag and didn't even gag in the process. Luckily the dumpster isn't too huge, and our trash bag was right inside the sliding door under a box or something. There was a lot of breath holding as I scanned for it, recognizing it by a familiar looking paper towel, but it took all of 30 seconds and now I can return my dress.
This, my friends, made my day. I feel like Charlie Bucket and his Golden Ticket.

Possilbilities.

They're endless.

Yesterday I ran (jogged, but this is my version of running as of now) a mile on the treadmill at the gym. If I can do this, anything is possible in life.

I haven't ran a mile since the 6th grade when everyone had to for the president's fitness test. I faked turning my ankle with a very dramatic fall in an attempt to get out of this. It didn't work, and I remember being dead last out of all of the girls. It was pretty much humiliating and my time was something ridiculous like 18 minutes.

Yeterday's time was around 15 minutes. I didn't have any intentions of running...I was just going to walk on the treadmill, but once I got on there, I got the urge and then I didn't ever feel like I was going to die from lack of oxygen like it usually does when I run.

I haven't been proud of myself much about anything in a long while, but this deserves a gold star in my book.

I haven't really had the motivation to post anything on here in a bit. Wedding planning is going pretty steady...I even went and tried on dresses last night. The blurry as hell one was my favorite but the dress was a size too small and quite snug since they don't carry every dress in every size; you have to order it. We weren't supposed to take pictures at all, but we found this out after taking the other two of the first one I tried on (and later vetoed because that bitch was heavy and the train was too much) which was also a size too small. It wasn't as fun as I imagined but I really do love my sister for helping me in and out of them...I wasn't up for a total stranger seeing me just about naked. Hopefully the next place we go Saturday will do me the same service by letting someone I know help me. We are thinking they may have more of things that will fit me as well. We'll see.

I'm very unhappy at the moment because I have finally figured out exactly how much money I owe in student loans and it is RIDICULOUS. I'm talking sent me into hysterical crying, I almost threw up and then almost passed out ridiculous. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid even if I can consolidate them, that the monthly payment is going to be so high we won't be able to be comfortable, let alone pay for the wedding. I'm never going to be able to afford a new car and we'll probably never be able to buy a house in the town we want to. Being grown up sucks.

All the craptasticness (there's a gem of a made up word) of my financial woes....today was a very awesome day that I will remember as long as I live. I watched for the first time, an African-American become our 44th president. Not only that, I watched with pride for my country and hope for a better tomorrow, not just in the United States, but for the entire world.

Hopefully tomorrow I can put on my big girl panties and face the massive amount of debt I have, but for now, I'm freaking out.

The end.

goodmorning.

(note: Kiddo= bf's oldest child, Litte One=bf's youngest child, bf=boyfriend, duh!)

What a weekend. I was in crap mood Friday to early Saturday morning...and I was worried I couldn't shake it, but once we got to Kiddo's basketball game around 9:30 things were looking better. I really do love the kid...she is such a good one. Once we got to bf's 'rents I got to play with bf's nephew. He is by far, the happiest baby I have ever met. He actually makes the thought of having a baby of my own something I wouldn't mind doing, but I constantly remind myself of two things: they aren't all this great and they don't stay little forever....although I used to despise kids Kiddo's age before I met bf...but now I pretty much adore her....

So after OSU beats Michigan, bf's 'rents decide to put the Christmas tree up and let the grandkids go to town. They really did a good job, with some help putting things up higher. It was just a great day all around.

bf and I stayed in the guest house behind his 'rents house...and discovered a trunk of old pictures. There were a bunch from bf's childhood as well as from right after Kiddo was born, which I had never seen. Although there was a certain person in most of them (her mom obviously) I didn't even care. He made a big deal about it...apologizing for me having to see them together in pictures, which was cute, but at the same time, I think he STILL hasn't realized how much I am unlike any girl from his past. So that was a fun walk down memory lane for him and pretty entertaining for me as well, to see a lot of pictures from when he was little.

Sunday was a 180 turn from the awesomeness of Saturday. Bf woke up with a sore/swollen throat, which freaked me out because I first thought: allergic reaction, what if he can't breathe? Once we ruled that out because he didn't eat anything weird the day before, his sister (she's a medical assistant) took a look at it and said it was probably just the beginnings of an infection and we decided it would be best to find an Urgent Care and get a Rx to clear it up asap.

First thought for bf was to call Kiddo's mom to arrange dropping her off earlier than previously planned. He didn't like having to cut his weekend short with Kiddo, but he was willing to give up the time to keep her from being sick so it seemed like the logical answer to us. She, however, did not agree and railed on him about how he needs to be a parent and said things like "what do you think I do when I'm sick?" When he told me she said that, all I could think is, um, you call your parents (side note: Kiddo spends AT LEAST two nights a week, every week, with her maternal grandparents, not that she shouldn't spend time with them, but she doesn't even see her dad that often) or us so you don't get your kid sick.

So bf says, okay, no big deal, Kiddo can hang at his 'rents for a couple hours, we'll run to an Urgent Care and then be back. Well, after this is decided, Kiddo's mom calls back saying "you need to take care of yourself, drop her off now, I'm taking her to Chuck E. Cheese". This is a reoccurring pattern with Kiddo's mom. If bf has a logical answer to a problem, she yells at him saying its wrong, stupid and that she won't do it, hangs up on him and then calls back 10 minutes later basically claiming the idea as her own. Everything has to be on her terms or she wants nothing to do with it.

Something must have clicked inside bf because he calmly refused Kiddo's mom's new plan saying we had already worked it out and Kiddo will come home at the previously arranged time. In the past, he would have just gone along with whatever she said to avoid more fighting but I think he's finally had enough. So, insanity ensues with mass amounts of calls and hang ups to bf's cell phone, and then she starts calling bf's 'rents land line, threatening to call for a police escort to come get Kiddo right now. She was screaming at him so loud, I could hear entire words across the room, without her being on speaker phone, over top the kids making noise and the TV.

So long story short, (I know TOO LATE, right?) we leave for Urgent Care and right after bf goes back to see a doctor, his mom calls to let us know Kiddo has been picked up by her mom. She said Kiddo's mom gave an awesome crying performance which halted abruptly when she got in her car outside. This was after after she tried to basically drag Kiddo out the front door without her coat on and without Kiddo getting to say a proper goodbye to her paternal grandparents because she was in such a hurry. That's GREAT parenting. This is the same woman who earlier told bf to tell Kiddo she is grounded if she didn't talk to her right then on the phone (Kiddo was upset because she thought she had to go home a lot earlier than originally planned and was crying and didn't want to talk on the phone).

After I tell bf I talked to his mom, he concludes we are going to have to go to court once Little One's court stuff is finalized to get a better plan in place. Right now, Kiddo's mom gets court ordered support for her, but the visitation schedule is not court ordered because they agreed to both be flexible. Obviously that is not the case anymore.

It just really busts my balls how a woman can do this to her child out of spite and hatred for an ex. ESPECIALLY when this woman is engaged to be married to another man with whom she lives and has a 12 month old. Its effing ridiculous.

So overall, I am quite proud of bf for standing his ground, but obviously that doesn't do any good. I just hope Kiddo is okay...she deals with way more emotionally than any 6 year old should ever have to and since her mother obviously can't see the damage she is doing, some female in her life needs to take notice and worry, and it looks like that female is me.

History

I have not felt pride for my country in a very long time. I've felt disappointment, anger, sadness, disbelief and a slew of other negative feelings over the past 8 years. I even felt ashamed on certain occasions, but last night, I have never been more proud to have been born and raised in Suburban Ohio in this great nation. For once, the country has learned from her mistakes and done something about it. For once, we have shown the world we are as equal as we say we are. For the first time in years, I am actually optimistic that this country will become known once again for the great things she does opposed to the heinous and that we will lead by example to bring real change all over the globe.

So, twenty years from now, when asked where I was the night the first African-American, Senator Barack Obama, became president, I will vividly remember the feeling of sitting on my couch, drinking a beer and feeling elation about the state of my country. Mostly because this is the first time that has ever happened but also because I am SO proud to be an American for the first time in my adult life.

This was a victory for so many people....not only African Americans, but women too. With a VP candidate like Sarah Palin, I was pretty freaked out about the possibility of her making it to the White House, and then, being second in command behind an old guy (okay, I'll admit it, she scared me more than a politician ever has). The woman actually makes rape victims pay for their rape kits in Alaska and wants to make abortion illegal, even if the incident producing the child was incest and/or the victim was raped. She donated volunteer pilots so Alaskans could aerial hunt wolves and then, rewarded them with some ridiculous amount of money (I read 18,000...but I this isn't confirmed) for every fresh left leg from the animal they brought in. That is what Governor Palin is doing with Alaska's money? Can you imagine what would have happened if she made it to the White House? Thankfully, we don't even have to think about the possibilities anymore.

The middle class also had a major victory. Barack Obama spoke to us and we listened. He wants to provide tax cuts to the middle class (news flash: THATS THE MAJORITY OF AMERICAN CITIZENS!) and tax the wealthiest 5% who have been receiving breaks for the past 8 years from the Bush Administration. That speaks for itself.

I'm excited about the future of this country. We did it! Change is inevitable, and now since we have the right leadership, the right changes can be made.