Letter.

Dear Great Lakes,

Thank you so much for adjusting my monthly payments since I could not afford the original $230 a month (due to other bills, including my additional private student loan payment I currently make of $155 a month, which will increase to $250 a month in March). It will be SO MUCH easier to pay you $107 a month until 2013 when it will jump to $311 a month, which is a TOTALLY reasonable amount of money to pay for SIX YEARS, again on top of my private loan payment which will be around $350 a month by then. Oh and thanks for telling me this is my only option, besides the $230 a month I can't afford right now. I liked hearing that so much that I burst into hysterical crying which resulted in hyperventilation. While at work.

I'm SO FUCKING GRATEFUL for my Bachelor's Degree your loans helped me get, and in turn the WONDERFUL, COMPLETELY FULFILLING job I presently have. It DEFINITELY makes it possible for me to not live paycheck to paycheck and really enjoy my life and not worry incessantly about my finances.


Best,
Another Jaded 20something.

p.s.- Understanding College Student Loans should be a mandatory class your senior year of high school, especially when neither of your parents went to college.

(note: all words in CAPS may possibly be heavily laden with sarcasm....and most other words too.)

Secrets, Secrets

post secret really spoke to me today with these two. Especially the second.

My own little secrets: I'm terrified of our money situation right now, I haven't done shit for my Master's Thesis since telling my advisor I want to finish up before August and the BIGGEST one: If one more person asks me "what my colors are" or talks about "MY big day" coming up, I think I might lose it. I HATE being the soon to be bride. I cannot wait for this wedding to be over and to be Mrs. H and be on the beach for a week with Mr. H.

Ahhhhh I feel better. Anyone need to leave a secret? Feel free ...anonymous or not.

Happy freakin' Monday. I'll try to post a blurb about the Wedding Shower and how things went later, but we'll see.

self-medicate.

I think I might have the half bottle of wine in my fridge for dinner tonight.

I can't seem to EVER feel like I have control over our finances. All I do is worry about all the different payments...even though we ALWAYS pay everything on time and even have a bit left over sometimes. Which that will probably change with my $363 a month loan payment beginning next month.

I just don't want this constant state of worry anymore. I have an unconventional wedding to worry about...that is enough for one chica.

I wish I had some cash...I'd buy a lotto ticket on the way home if I did.

I haven't really had the motivation to post anything on here in a bit. Wedding planning is going pretty steady...I even went and tried on dresses last night. The blurry as hell one was my favorite but the dress was a size too small and quite snug since they don't carry every dress in every size; you have to order it. We weren't supposed to take pictures at all, but we found this out after taking the other two of the first one I tried on (and later vetoed because that bitch was heavy and the train was too much) which was also a size too small. It wasn't as fun as I imagined but I really do love my sister for helping me in and out of them...I wasn't up for a total stranger seeing me just about naked. Hopefully the next place we go Saturday will do me the same service by letting someone I know help me. We are thinking they may have more of things that will fit me as well. We'll see.

I'm very unhappy at the moment because I have finally figured out exactly how much money I owe in student loans and it is RIDICULOUS. I'm talking sent me into hysterical crying, I almost threw up and then almost passed out ridiculous. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid even if I can consolidate them, that the monthly payment is going to be so high we won't be able to be comfortable, let alone pay for the wedding. I'm never going to be able to afford a new car and we'll probably never be able to buy a house in the town we want to. Being grown up sucks.

All the craptasticness (there's a gem of a made up word) of my financial woes....today was a very awesome day that I will remember as long as I live. I watched for the first time, an African-American become our 44th president. Not only that, I watched with pride for my country and hope for a better tomorrow, not just in the United States, but for the entire world.

Hopefully tomorrow I can put on my big girl panties and face the massive amount of debt I have, but for now, I'm freaking out.

The end.