22 Days and Still No Dress

This week brought a new development in my dress drama. The owner of the shop who had been arranged by the designer to recieve my dress (Athena Bridal) called me Monday afternoon. I was busily running errands at work to get ready for an event we had yesterday and I missed the call and had a voicemail from her. It is probably a good thing she left me the news on the message, because I got really upset. Like, almost-threw-my-phone-into-a-brick-wall-while-crying upset.

House of Wu (the designer) "lost" my dress. It was made and ready to go, pending payment from Sharnett Bridal back in July. When Sharnett said they wouldn't be paying for it, Wu sent them to collections and my dress went MIA at this point. I'm guessing they sold it to a warehouse bridal place or something to get their money.

The Owner of Athena's told me they placed a rush order for them to make me another dress and the estimated date of arrival is August 20. That's nine days before the wedding. And that's the best case scenario.

I spent the rest of Monday and most of Tuesday pretty pissed off and sulking. I've come to terms with it now....there isn't anything I can do but wait so I've been distracting myself with getting other things done.

If I don't have this dress the Monday before the wedding....I'll be calling off work the entire week (instead of just the 3 days before the wedding) and finding one then.

I know the universe may be trying to tell me something here...but I freaking love my dress, and I won't give up on it until the last possible moment. Plus I'm hoping things will be smooth with everything else because I've paid my dues in the whole "weddings never go as planned" arena right?

Or I just won't care if the day of things go wrong, because nothing can really top all this BS....

Heavy Stuff.

Hi, my name is ________ and my father is an Alcoholic.

Growing up we had a lot of communication issues and looking back, it was mostly because he was always loaded between the hours of approx. 3pm and bedtime (which for him, was about 9 or 10pm). Don't get me wrong, my dad worked his ass off for my family...working crazy amounts of overtime while I was little to make ends meet. Neither of my parents went to college, and I have an older sister and brother. We were probably teetering on the edge between working and lower middle class growing up.
The majority of time I spent with him on weekends involved getting Shirley Temple's and playing the jukeboxes at the VFW and Legion Hall....I loved it then, and never thought twice about how taking your 10 year old daughter to a bar wasn't exactly appropriate.

He was never physically abusive, but there are a few select incidents that were pretty emotionally and psychologically trying. One of which took place when I was in high school. It was a screaming argument that ended with me locking myself in the bathroom because I was afraid he was going to hit me, and then I told him so through the bathroom door, which made him even more angry, that would I think such a thing.

As an adult, things really cemented themselves around Christmas of 2006. My brother was home from leave from Iraq (he's in the Army Reserve) and my dad began drinking around 8am the day brother was set to head back to his post before going back overseas. I was headed to my hometown to meet them, my dad, mom, sister and brother at the Moose Lodge (another "club" type bar Dad has added to his daily routine of drinking places) around lunchtime. Well, I get almost there, when my sister calls and says they called an Ambulance, because they thought my dad was having a stroke. He couldn't talk and wasn't coherent. By the time I was right near my parents house, my sister calls again and says they are headed home, he came to as they were trying to put him in the ambulance and was very angry and confused. So I meet them at the house, and they pull in, and I have to help my father into the house because he is completely blitzed, the drunkest I've ever seen him and he is yelling about my mom overreacting.

My mother is just about hysterical, crying out of anger, fear and frustration. The woman has dealt with this for almost 35 years at this point, and she tells us about how her father was the same way and she's done with dealing with Dad and it was a whole gnarly wad of awkwardness...since we're very uncomfortable with dealing with stuff like this in my family.

That was the day it all clicked for me. All the miscommunication as a child, and the repeating of myself because he wouldn't remember things the next day, because I told him the night before when he was drunk.

Now in the past few years since this incident, my dad has been diagnosed with Angina. Right now, he is on blood thinners and all kinds of meds to regulate his heartbeat, because its beating is irregular. My mom said the bottom part of his heart is right on but the top part isn't in sync.

Has he stopped drinking while on all this medicine? Of course not.

He had a procedure this morning, which was supposed to fix things, and it didn't work. Plus they told my mom it took a lot more than it should have to put him under. I don't know much about anesthesia, but I'm guessing since he is always drunk, it takes a lot more to make him pass out?

The man is seriously going to drink himself to death.

I'm sorry this post is such a bummer. I just can't quite get this out of my head today.

Happy Blog

Due my recent constant state of tenison, I've decided I need an attitude adjustment, or at least attempt one so I can say "at least I tried".

I am very thankful for the following:
1. I have a job that allows me to pay my bills, and isn't too horrible to do day-in and day-out.
2. I have a wonderful fiance who, after over three years together, still gives me butterflies.
3. I'm getting married. At one point in my life, I thought this would never happen.
4. Despite our few problems, my family is very supportive and pretty functional.
5. I have a handful of great friends.
6. Coffee. I can live without it, but I choose not to.
7. the TV show 'Friends' being on DVD. I think I would lose my mind without something to watch that isn't fuzzy since we don't have cable and after February 16 or whatever probably won't get many digital channels consistently since we have yet to find a digital antenna that actually works for us.

I am going to put a lot of effort into remembering these things on a daily basis. There are so many people in this country and others that are struggling in so many different ways. I need to be more thankful I have my teeny stressors instead of huge ones.

In totally unrelated news....Happy Birthday Lincoln, you rocked a beard like no other.

Need to organize....

...before my head explodes. Quick lil list of happenings and need-to-happen's:

1. Signed lease monday, get keys by Dec. 1st (possibly sooner), pay first month's rent and deposit by 1st to new landlord, pay pro-rated rent for Dec. to current landlord.
2. Sign paperwork/put in mail for car insurance/renter's insurance.
3. Call Father to arrange time to meet at title office to sign car over to me.
4. Drive to Kent State and back Thursday for work.
5. Attempt to finish data entry/begin to write project paper ASAP.
6. breathe.
7. Make sure all the bills are paid and we still have money to function on.
8. Call utilities and make sure they get turned off at current place on 13th/turned on in my name on the 1st at new place (or sooner, if we get in there sooner)
9. Not lose mind/have nervous breakdown.
10. Cancel cable until we move and re-establish account in BF's name so we can get a good deal.
11. Try and not wig out...because I know it won't help anything.....