I think I just threw up a little.

*Warning* The following is sickeningly sweet. You may not want to proceed.

Dear Husband,

I never knew I could love you more. I remember on our wedding day (and most of the following week we spent in Florida) thinking I've never loved anyone like this, nor this much. There can't possibly be any way it gets better than this. Not in a "this is as good as it gets, its all downhill from here" way but in an "I've never been this happy in my life, this is awesome" way.

But here we are, in year two, and it feels like that first week again, but somehow, even better.

And we still take fabulously awkward pictures together, and I love them even more too:

seriously...whatcha doin' here?

I promise we are not on some mind altering drug, just on the way to Oktoberfest last fall

You are my favorite. Ever.

Letter.

Dear Apartamento:

I have never missed anyplace I have called home (excluding fleeting moments of missing my hometown/parents place) and I've called A LOT of places home in the past seven years. I am going to truly miss you, in all your hippie village glory.

Your walls are where the husband and I got engaged and planned our DIY wedding. You have hosted the hubsfamily Christmas 3 years running, and had countless gatherings of friends and family, both big and small throughout our stay. Every twice annual Street Fair that takes place in town brought us lots of visitors, plus I always got out on the streets early to avoid the crowds.

Your open concept layout has been amazing. I will probably miss that the most; being able to make dinner/do anything in the kitchen but still be engaged in whatever is going on in the living room.

But our time is up, my knees are achy from climbing those 21 steps of death every morning and night and to all good things must come an end. We need a yard for the girls, and less steps for the clumsy (ie: me).

(Plus we are gaining: an entire other toilet, a garage, yard and storage room)

Thank you for the memories, for being so well insulated (we never turned our furnace on through 3 Ohio Winters; our Vectren Gas bill was never over $20.) and hosting our lives for the past 3 years. I'll miss you.


Best,
Mrs. Melberry

Dear Uterus,

I would REALLY appreciate it if you stopped making me yearn for something I have adamantly opposed as long as I understood the concept. It is really annoying and it is giving me crazy ass dreams to boot.

I'm a logic person, uterus, and the cons of reproducing always out weigh the pros for me, so in case you didn't get the memo, I DON"T WANT TO USE YOU TO GROW LIFE, EVER.

So if you could please stop making me weepy over babies' photos (besides my niece, I'll allow that) it would really help me....also if you stopped nagging at the back of my brain day and night that would also be nice. The rest of my brain does not agree, nor does it appreciate the constant conflicting ideas.



Signed,
Mrs. Melberry

PS- I know you know what "they" say....but I'm on to you, so I'm going to contradict you til the cows come home.

Day Thirty: Letter.

Dear Me,

Somewhere, somehow you grew up. You became self-reliant and (even more) independent than you had always been. You make sure the bills are paid and that there's food to eat and even though it has become apparent how grown up you are, I love how you remember being a kid, especially where your step-daughters are involved.

In the past year you have began to learn how to worry less and live more; you have learned that how you envision something is very rarely ends up in real life.... and you have accepted that you might as well stop thinking ahead on EVERYTHING. You can only plan so much, because then life happens and things will be different. Often things are so different, but still fabulous.

I love how you are learning to embrace the unknown.....you used to say you enjoyed it, but the truth was it terrified you, now you see uncharted territory as endless possibilities.

I love how you have began to be comfortable with who you are inside and out...which isn't an attainable goal to you but something that is a skill to hone and change as you change. I love how you have began to look at exercise as part of your lifestyle, not as something to do for a certain time span to achieve weight loss. I love how you have finally admitted you may never be smaller than you were on your wedding day, but that is okay.

I love how you focus on the positive and in an effort to make the negative melt away...life is too short to remember the bad times.

I love how much you go above and beyond for the people who are most important to you; that you know the best thing you can do is compromise when someone doesn't see eye to eye with you and that you are slowly but surely learning how to admit you were wrong, and mean it.

Basically, I love how you have opened up to change....most people don't like change but you have admitted to yourself that people can change for the better and things you used to think you didn't want for your life are starting to make more sense....even if they scare you. A lot.

You have so much living left to do, so don't be afraid to forget the details (for once) and live in the now, because it passes faster each year.

Much Love,
You

So although it took me a bit longer than anticipated, I completed the 30 Days of Truth thing. I think it was a learning experience....so woo-hoo for personal growth.

Day TwentyFour: Playlist.

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Isreal Kamakawiwo'ole
You've Got a Friend-James Taylor
All You Need is Love-The Beatles

Dear Lilly,

Growing up, I read all the Wizard of Oz books and watched the movie more times than I could count. That being said, Somewhere Over the Rainbow is a song about wishes and dreams and how great it would be to make those things come true. I hope it reminds you how important it is to dream and how wonderful dreams can be.

You've Got a Friend is a guide to knowing when someone you meet is truly a friend or foe. If this song applies to them, then you are lucky, because sometimes good, true friends can be hard to see through the fake ones. Listen to the words and then you will know.

I'm sure you will be well educated on the Beatles as you get older, but All You Need is Love is a song I hope you remember when things get rough. I hope it reminds you of where are you from and of what is truly important in life: the relationships with the people you love.

I can't wait to watch you grow up.

Love,
Auntie

Day Fourteen: Fallen.

A hero that has let you down. (letter)


Growing up, I idolized you. Even if you didn't know it and I didn't always show it. All I wanted was your approval an acceptance. Even when you were mean to me in front of your friends, even when you wouldn't defend me when I was getting picked on in school.

We are 26 and 29 and most days I still don't believe I have either from you, but I don't care anymore. Somewhere through those years I gave up on you. I grew up and I see you for what you are, for who you are and I pity you most days. It must be sad living so far from your family but then again, you must feel like royalty when the world stops turning (at least to them) when you are back in town.

I sometimes wonder what could have been and am sad for it for a moment, but its a waste, since that's not reality and never will be.

Nevi.

Yesterday I saw you for the first time in over 3 years. It was amazing to see the little lady you have become. I somehow held it together and didn't cry (even though it kept me quiet for the first 30 minutes you were there). You hair is darker, longer and full of ringlet curls, but your face, especially your eyes, are exactly the same.

I'm not sure if you really grasp who I am yet, but that is okay. Your mom said you remembered her telling you about me, and I know it is probably different to see Mommy, Daddy and this other lady all in the same room, but we all love you so that is the important part.

Your imagination is almost unbelievable and it was a joy to watch you and your daddy interact. I can't wait for you to see your sister again.
I don't know if your mommy knows I met you when you were barely one month old, or how I fed you bottles and later bananas and rice cereal. I don't know if she knows that I saw you last when you were just over a year old and how you so sweetly fell asleep in my arms...she doesn't really need to know, but hopefully someday you will.

It's War.

Dear Ohio Winter,

I know it is still officially the best season ever but I'm on to you, and your cold temperatures, and this year, I am prepared. You may have won the battle that was Winter 09-10 but you have not won the war that will ensue this 10-11 season. You like to sneak attack after New Year's, with your holiday weight gain showing, minimal sunshine shining and snowy conditions....snowing (Dr. Seuss would be proud) but I have a plan.

I am equipped with boots and leggings and gloves and (as soon as I locate it), I'll be sporting my winter hat most mornings. I am reminding myself how lovely it feels to sweat it out in the dead of winter, and how taking a lunch break on those sunny days to get a bit of vitamin D is crucial. I'm going to remember how nice the snow is on those days I call off due to road conditions (and I will not feel guilty for doing so, since I almost died at least 6 times driving to and from my work on BFE country roads covered in the white death) and maybe take my step-daughters sledding. I AM NOT GOING TO FALL DOWN THE BACK STAIRS OF MY APARTMENT (that's a definite no-go.)

Winter, you won't get me this year!

Signed,
Mrs. Melberry

DearBff,

You are such a breath of fresh air.....even if its only getting together for a few hours after work. That's the beauty of our friendship, the amount of time spent together doesn't matter, as long as it happens from time to time. Don't get me wrong here....there are days where I wish I wouldn't have relocated almost an hour away, but I was never set on staying in our hometown, and we really are only a phone call/45 minute drive away.

Don't let people who are drama-filled and negative pull you down, but perhaps remind them its their life and they can choose to either deal with things and move on or dwell and be miserable.

Did you ever think we'd both be married in 2010? It's crazy to think about, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Until next time, keep on livin, l-i-v-i-n!

ps-I'm sure everyone and both the mothers have began asking about babies, I'm cool with whenever, since you know I love me some other-people's-babies :)

Oops!

(I just remembered my bff follows me on Twitter, and my blog is linked to that....not sure if she reads this often, but just in case)

Dear Bff-bride-to-be,

Please don't worry....I'm making it work! I just don't want to give you something else to worry about right now, that's the only reason I didn't tell ya :) I'm working my butt off and I'm investing in some awesome spanx and I'll be fabulous (but not more fabulous than you!) come May 15th.


Much Love,
Your MOH

Letter.

Dear Little One,

You are not so little anymore. You'll be four years old on July 5! You will always be the younger daughter; the second daughter, but you will always be your father's daughter. Today your paternal grandma (your daddy's mommy) who hasn't seen you in almost 3 years either, is meeting you and your mother for lunch. I hope you like her and I hope your grandma can talk some sense into your mother. We want to see you so badly.

Your daddy wants to be in your life even though the circumstances and events over the short time you've been on this planet have kept him from doing that. I want you to know he is a good person, and he tried to do what was right, even though some people made that very difficult for him. I want to be your step-mommy, too. I remember the first night your daddy had you over night. I don't think I'd ever been around a baby that small in my life and I remember thinking, "wow you are so tiny and pink."

I remember the last time I saw you. We were at your paternal grandparents house, with your older half sister (aka Kiddo) and her cousin. You were a bit fussy after eating and wouldn't go down for a nap. So I held you until you fell asleep. I didn't know that was the last time I would see you, and I think about that day often while I wonder how you have changed and grown since then.

We can't change the past and we'll never get back the 2 1/2 years we've missed, but hopefully in the near, near future we can start over and be a part of your life (and you a part of ours) in a more permanent sort of way.

Lots of Love,

Your Step-Mommy.

Little One, date unknown, but more current than any photo we have. Sent from her mom, to Husband's mom.

Letter.

Dear Great Lakes,

Thank you so much for adjusting my monthly payments since I could not afford the original $230 a month (due to other bills, including my additional private student loan payment I currently make of $155 a month, which will increase to $250 a month in March). It will be SO MUCH easier to pay you $107 a month until 2013 when it will jump to $311 a month, which is a TOTALLY reasonable amount of money to pay for SIX YEARS, again on top of my private loan payment which will be around $350 a month by then. Oh and thanks for telling me this is my only option, besides the $230 a month I can't afford right now. I liked hearing that so much that I burst into hysterical crying which resulted in hyperventilation. While at work.

I'm SO FUCKING GRATEFUL for my Bachelor's Degree your loans helped me get, and in turn the WONDERFUL, COMPLETELY FULFILLING job I presently have. It DEFINITELY makes it possible for me to not live paycheck to paycheck and really enjoy my life and not worry incessantly about my finances.


Best,
Another Jaded 20something.

p.s.- Understanding College Student Loans should be a mandatory class your senior year of high school, especially when neither of your parents went to college.

(note: all words in CAPS may possibly be heavily laden with sarcasm....and most other words too.)

Letter.

(those of you just tuning in, Little One is my husband's estranged 3 1/2 year old)

Dear Little One's Mom,

I know accidents happen (even if Little One was completely planned on your part, in effort to keep my now husband in an unhappy relationship, you psycho...it worked so well, didn't it?) and unplanned children are born every day, but you do have some nerve to have done the ridiculous things you have in the past four years.

These include (but are not limited to):
1. Denying Husband's attempts to see Little One on a regular basis which eventually led to never returning phone calls when he tried to contact you in order to schedule a visit.

2. Calling him up on his birthday in 2008 telling him you were getting married and you wanted him to give up all his rights so this man you were marrying could adopt her and you all could play good Christian family together.

3. Posting pictures on various online social networking sites of Little One with this man with captions such as "_____ loves her Daddy!" (How honest and Christ-like of you!)

4. Moving back and forth from Tennessee (at least twice) once Husband told you he could not (and would not) give up his rights. He then tried to file the appropriate papers and retained a lawyer for $750.

5. Asking for an extension at the first court hearing so you could retain your own lawyer, then waiting until the day before the next court hearing to obtain said lawyer, so nothing could be actually accomplished at this hearing, because your lawyer didn't know crap about what was going on.

And now, since I hear you are getting divorced (big surprise) and living back in Ohio you have been in contact with my mother-in-law. How nice of you to finally decide to be a grown up about things and let Little One have a relationship with her father (and his amazing family) who honestly deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for being a stand up guy and completely willing to be there for his kid. Shame on you for stealing the past two years from your daughter, who has an entire family she doesn't even know.

I really hope you have put on your big girl panties, because that would at least make everything that has happened in the past a bit more bearable. Plus, I really hope you realize who he has married. It's me and I'm not going anywhere, so if you decide to still be in love with him, or try to cause problems between us, I will not be biting my tongue like I used to.

I adored your child when I met her (the first time Husband kept her overnight two weeks after she was born) and I am so happy I get to be a part of her life again, but you better get your shit together. You are someone's mother and that little someone is much more important than you and your selfish motives.

Best Regards,
Little One's Step-Mom