Saturday, March 14, 2009


(editor's note: I had typed about my few short relationships before Fiance, but decided they don't even matter, cause it's in the past)

fast-forward to 2005.  I was bored with the single life.  Dating a bunch of guys since the break up who I knew were no good for me led me to a particularly bad guy which made me hang up the reins for a while.  Then along comes Fiance.

Things have been so different with us.  We took things so slow in the beginning I can't believe I had the patience for it....all I could tell my friends was, "its so different with him than how it was with anyone else" blah blah blah.  We didn't see each other much so we appreciated the time together so much more.  All his baby related drama has never really been an issue for me, I want him including all the stuff that entails him.

So, my point I have finally arrived at...if our relationship was so different in the great and shiny and we never fought about anything and all that come we have fallen into the same problems all relationships have?  Okay, wait, I know the answer to that...its normal, thats what happens, but I have to point out, things were better before we were officially engaged.  Its this fucking wedding.  Not the fact that we are getting married.  The whole lifetime together part of the bargain doesn't cause us any strife, its August 29 that is causing all the problems.

Ever since we got engaged things have sort of gone to shit in my eyes.  Not the fundamentals of our relationship...we love each other and are going to be together and that is the bottom line, but all of the sudden, the way we talk to each other has mutated into something I don't like.  I don't feel like he knows me at all we have the same argument and he can't just take me at face value and realize I'm flawed and not tell me to stop worrying and be sort of stand offish about it, but hug me and tell me its okay.  Oh and that NOT fighting a lot in the beginning is biting us in ass because we aren't seasoned in it yet....I'm not used to it and most of the time, it just makes me cry....more because I'm angry than sad, but sometimes its both.

He (STILL) doesn't seem to get how all the stupid fucking wedding related stuff is all on me.  I haven't done anything for it in two weeks, including talking about it and he jumped all over me about wanting to go to the tux place just to get prices.  And he acts like a fucking 5 year old kid "well how long is it going to take" and sighs and acts like I'm making him go with me to a book club meeting full of women who all happen to be on their periods (I'm not even in a book club, and if I was, he wouldn't be invited, but you get what I'm saying.)

I let it go today.  Whatever the men are wearing that is.  I told him I done with it, and he can figure it out himself since he made it clear he wants a say in what he wears early, but now when I want to get it taken care of when we have nothing else going on, he gets his panties in a bunch about it.

We should have fucking eloped.

I hate wedding planning.

No comments: