Friday, January 28, 2011

New Normal.

I squint through the darkness in order to see what the time is, and once again I've awoken just shy of a half hour until I need to get up. As I stumble still half asleep to the bathroom (since that's why I'm awake too early once again) the thought of a morning workout crosses my mind but quickly decide "not today" and head back to bed for another 20 or so minutes of sleep. One snooze button hit later, I'm in the shower and he's up and moving.

"I'm going to go start the cars" he says. I smile. "Okie" I reply.

We have been doing the morning dance around each other in our small apartamento for a month now. For the first time ever we have to be at work at the same time every day. I sort of love starting my day with him.

Aside from realizing we need at least a bath and a half in our (hopefully in the not-so-distant) future home, it has been strangely nice. It is easier to get out of the warm bed knowing your personal heater has to get up as well. And knowing your car won't be warm and/or not covered in snow when you go to depart. That is worth sharing the bathroom for.

His job is going well. He likes it, and it is a lot of take home work sometimes, but eventually he won't be the new guy and won't have to prep so much for the computer programs he is teaching the next day (because he will have already taught them). He is finally doing something he actually enjoys, for the first time in over five years. That makes me so happy for him. Add in the fact of room for advancement and profit sharing and I think my husband might have a career on his hands.

The 4 months he was unemployed I was constantly waiting for something epic and bad to happen, that we wouldn't be able to afford to fix. It never happened and here we are on the other side of things, wiser and happier than I could have imagined. I've been saying the lay off was a blessing in disguise; things really do happen for a reason.

So even when I'm dark and twisty, things aren't that bad, and I feel like they can only get better from here on out.

But wait, what happened to the angsty crap from last time? I would attribute that to really bad I'm working out again, and I've said it before, its my own natural anti-depressant. It's a wonder what sweating it out can do for your mood. If only I could stick with it forever and I would be rainbows and smiles permanently...ehhh I don't know about that...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Winter wins again.

I'm suffocating even though I still take breaths in.

I'm sinking but my arms don't remember how to swim.

I'm restless but I don't know where I wouldn't be.

None of this is even bothersome, it is all just mundane. It is all expected, familiar; boring almost.

I'm jealous, bitter, angry, sad, anxious and a million other feelings.

Perhaps I should get back on the wagon of weight loss (aka treadmill) if only there wasn't such a vicious cycle of apathy going on presently. I just don't feel like it, so I don't. Then I feel worse, so I don't. Maybe I should remember how I felt two short weeks ago? So easy to be optimistic after two weeks away from the most un-fulfilling part of my days.

59 days til Spring......

Friday, January 14, 2011

Home. It's where your crap is.

Since realistically the husband and I won't be ready to look at houses until next year (that will put him at his current job for a full year, increasing our pre-approval amount and giving us the next 12 months to get some things paid off) I need to make some changes to our humble apartamento. I also need to stop looking at houses online, because I get attached to one, and then someone who IS ready to buy snatches it up. Then I am sad.

So I'm hoping to accomplish all the following before we move since I know there will be a long list of things we'll need to buy once we are in a house. Like a lawn mower, ladder and other things I can potentially hurt myself with. Good thing we have insurance.

Let's list things, shall we?

Living room:
Large bookcase (think Expedit 4x4 from IKEA) for books and nonsense storage.
Couch/loveseat combo OR sectional. I've never owned my very own couch, and the blue and white checked monstrosity, while comfortable and sturdy has got to go. I am very thankful that the husband had it donated when he lost nearly all of his stuff in a fire long before we met, but the time has come to say goodbye.
Re-configure stuff on the walls and perhaps furniture arrangement

Closet system- We currently have one extremely bowed closet rod and piles of nonsense below, so we need one. It will go with us when we leave, or the landlord can pay us back.
6 drawer low dresser- Two people and a four drawer garage sale find from when I was 16 does not compute.
Baskets for storage under nightstands.

New Shower curtain
Shower organizational thingy-Right now we have two small ones and the clutter in there is suddenly driving me nuts.

Girls' room:
They both need small, three drawer dressers. We have a clothes storage issue all-around in our home. Half of their closet is hanging clothes, the other half is Christmas tree/hockey crap storage. We have no storage besides unused kitchen cabinets.

Hopefully, some progress shall be made! Perhaps I'll even remember to take some before/after pictures...they are always my favorite part of the home design shows but let's be honest, I tend to get all excited about new things and organization and only document the after. Oh well.

I am also hoping publishing my own little to-do list here will help me actually accomplish some of it. It is not like I want to re-furnish the entire place. In the past though, I jump from room to room and can't seem to decide where to start. This time, I'm starting in the living room, since we spend most of our time there. That, or the closet in our bedroom. See...I'm doing it already. Not that we spend a lot of time there, but with the husband's grown up job, he and I are getting ready at the same time now, and the closet leaves SO much to be desired. I try to keep the bedroom in check so its a peaceful place for us to rest our heads but it often looks as if the dresser upchucked clothing everywhere. My OCD tendencies don't really enjoy this.

I am going to try and make something happen in the next 30 days. We'll see how it goes.

Monday, January 3, 2011


Today I am going to remember the happiest times over my two week furlough; I am thankful I got to spend that time with my husband, friends and family. I will remind myself of the benefits of my job; when I can't find the good things I will refuse to let it interfere with my over all happiness. At least for today. Tomorrow I start again, and see how that goes.

This is a definite one day at a time experiment. If I can apply this attitude every day for the next 21 work days, perhaps it will become routine? Perhaps I will awake to birds chirping and woodland creatures serenading me tomorrow? Anything is possible, right?

Today's benefit: how nice it is to have my own office (where I can take mini breaks to blog randomness).

Saturday, January 1, 2011

So this is the New Year. Again.

It seems like just yesterday it was a year ago. Probably because one year ago I was lazing about watching bowl games much like I am today, but this year feels different. Even with its similarities, January 1, 2011 (I wonder how many times I'll write 2010 in the next month?) is a whole new world.

I really enjoy New Year's Eve. I always have. I know it is just a flip of the calendar but there is something so refreshing about it for me and my slightly OCD personality. Its a new start. A clean slate. This year I have discovered a new confidence in who I am and how I've grown in the past 365 days. It makes this day much happier, because there is no place to go but up.

2010 was not easy. It was as much a bitch as it was fantastic. I learned more about myself and quite possibly about life than I have thus far. Doors were closed and windows opened. I worried less and lived more.

My little family is finally united. That is the best part of all.

All is right in the world, or at least my world, for at least a little while.

Here's to a happy and healthy 2011. Cheers.