Tuesday, June 23, 2009


On this week's agenda:
-Spend quality time with Fiancé and enjoy each other's company.
-Tentative Corsage-assembly party has been scheduled for Saturday afternoon.
-Buy doubled sided tape (I keep thinking about assembling the centerpieces, but need tape first)
-Be as active as possible...more for stress management than for weight loss at this point. I really see a difference in my moods when I at least go for a walk on my lunch break or something.

I have to work this that is a huge bummer but I will either leave early Friday or come in late on Monday to even things out. Plus, NEXT week is only a four day week because of the Fourth. Plus my dress could possibly be in the week after the holiday weekend, so that is something to look forward to. I think I might actually get excited once it is here, but we'll have to wait and see.

Totally random: I had crazy Nazi Germany infused dreams last night. Probably since we watched Tom Cruise play "dissenter Nazi Tom Cruise" in Valkyrie. It was good, besides the fact that Tom Cruise was the star.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions,
Aww let's go back to the start
Runnin' in circles, Comin' our tails,
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Aww take me back to the start

I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me,
Come back to haunt me,
Oh when I rush to the start
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' our tails,
Comin' back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Aww It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm goin' back to the start

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


We have roughly 2 1/2 months to go until W-Day and I still haven't felt that fire under my ass to finish everything early. I know it will happen, because I am perpetually early for everything in life (I was even born 2 weeks before my due date) and I don't want to be stressed, but right now there is a long list of excuses as to why I'm not super excited about/doing all things wedding related.

But let's not focus on that, let's focus on what I have accomplished in the past seven days:

-Invites have been mailed, and recieved by most people w/in a hour's drive of where we live.

I hope with all of my being, for the sake of my sanity, people mail the already postmarked and addressed RSVP cards back. This is one of my BIGGEST hang ups with all things wedding related. You are expected to spend all this money and time and sanity on invites and RSVP cards plus the postage for both says "etiquette" and then the self-righteous extended family "assumes" you know they are coming. OMGGGGG why would I send you a postmarked, addressed envelope if I didn't want the damn thing back?! HolyTapDancingChrist its not that hard to write your name on a piece of paper, stick it in an envelope and throw it in the mail!!!

Sorry about that. Back to accomplishments:

-Thank-you's for shower #1 have been mailed.
-I discovered Tibetian Prayer Flags just like these on Etsy are sold at a shop in town, so I can go and buy them if we have the monies days before the wedding.
-Fiancé and I had a lesson in arguing.

I guess the last one is not an accomplishment, but since we don't argue often, I feel like each time there is something new to learn and I will say, we talked it out a lot faster than usual and he was A LOT more vocal. Probably because we were in the car and he didn't have to look me in the eye. Bottom line is: we both need to be more respectful of the other.

We still need to figure out the rehearsal dinner menu and I need to procure undergarments for my dress....oh and we need to compile music a la Fiancé's parents music collection and figure out our catering (it's discussed here) if you can call it that :)

Plus some other stuff that I'll get to when I actually give a shit. For now, I'll continue on with my apathy.

Have a lovely, neutral day.

Monday, June 15, 2009


For being 24 (almost 25), my parents are older than most. Dad just turned 60 and Mom will be 61 in September. I know age is just a number, and my parents are still active and don't have too many serious health issues going on (well...Dad is a whole other story but I saw him Friday, and he says he has quit drinking "not for good, but for now" whatever. We've heard it all many times before. ) but their deaths are just looming out there. This Sunday Secret really hit home....check out the rest here
What is one of your fears?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I believe in second chances.

I believe in the power of kindness.

I believe in marriage equality for all Americans.

I believe in education and knowledge.

I believe in possibilities.

I believe in myself.

I believe people can change, if they truly want to.

I believe most people are generally assholes and me being nice to them is my way of NOT being like them.

I believe sometimes its better to follow your heart than your head.

I believe in random acts of silliness and that laughter is the best medicine.

I believe that no matter what shitstorm life is throwing at you, you must remember, its your life, and you'll have to deal with problems throughout, so with every new one that comes along, (because you know there will be more down the road) take wisdom from them, and learn for dealing with things the next time.

What do you believe in?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Crunch Time.

Here's a list about my current state of small accomplishments:

Wedding invites are stuffed, stamped, labeled and ready to go. I haven't mailed them yet, I'm waiting until Friday for some unknown reason.

I wrote out shower #1 thank-you cards last night and I'm going to mail them today.

I ordered three swim suits off the old interweb last week for the honeymoon and I'm patiently awaiting their arrival.

81 days to go. Should I be excited yet? I'm still notsomuch.

I FINALLY began revising my Master's Thesis last night and it wasn't scary or awful; it was actually refreshing to use my brain for something besides wedding nonsense or family worries.

After all the excitement with my supervisor telling me I could take time off to finish, and then mentioning funding my PhD, he went on vacation beginning the day I was supposed to report back to him about my meeting with my advisor. He hasn't even asked about it since he's been back, but this doesn't surprise me, and I'm still finishing by August anyways.

I'm still trying to grow a pair and call in for a mental health day from work....but it still hasn't happened, we'll see how I feel Friday morning.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Heavy Stuff.

Hi, my name is ________ and my father is an Alcoholic.

Growing up we had a lot of communication issues and looking back, it was mostly because he was always loaded between the hours of approx. 3pm and bedtime (which for him, was about 9 or 10pm). Don't get me wrong, my dad worked his ass off for my family...working crazy amounts of overtime while I was little to make ends meet. Neither of my parents went to college, and I have an older sister and brother. We were probably teetering on the edge between working and lower middle class growing up.
The majority of time I spent with him on weekends involved getting Shirley Temple's and playing the jukeboxes at the VFW and Legion Hall....I loved it then, and never thought twice about how taking your 10 year old daughter to a bar wasn't exactly appropriate.

He was never physically abusive, but there are a few select incidents that were pretty emotionally and psychologically trying. One of which took place when I was in high school. It was a screaming argument that ended with me locking myself in the bathroom because I was afraid he was going to hit me, and then I told him so through the bathroom door, which made him even more angry, that would I think such a thing.

As an adult, things really cemented themselves around Christmas of 2006. My brother was home from leave from Iraq (he's in the Army Reserve) and my dad began drinking around 8am the day brother was set to head back to his post before going back overseas. I was headed to my hometown to meet them, my dad, mom, sister and brother at the Moose Lodge (another "club" type bar Dad has added to his daily routine of drinking places) around lunchtime. Well, I get almost there, when my sister calls and says they called an Ambulance, because they thought my dad was having a stroke. He couldn't talk and wasn't coherent. By the time I was right near my parents house, my sister calls again and says they are headed home, he came to as they were trying to put him in the ambulance and was very angry and confused. So I meet them at the house, and they pull in, and I have to help my father into the house because he is completely blitzed, the drunkest I've ever seen him and he is yelling about my mom overreacting.

My mother is just about hysterical, crying out of anger, fear and frustration. The woman has dealt with this for almost 35 years at this point, and she tells us about how her father was the same way and she's done with dealing with Dad and it was a whole gnarly wad of awkwardness...since we're very uncomfortable with dealing with stuff like this in my family.

That was the day it all clicked for me. All the miscommunication as a child, and the repeating of myself because he wouldn't remember things the next day, because I told him the night before when he was drunk.

Now in the past few years since this incident, my dad has been diagnosed with Angina. Right now, he is on blood thinners and all kinds of meds to regulate his heartbeat, because its beating is irregular. My mom said the bottom part of his heart is right on but the top part isn't in sync.

Has he stopped drinking while on all this medicine? Of course not.

He had a procedure this morning, which was supposed to fix things, and it didn't work. Plus they told my mom it took a lot more than it should have to put him under. I don't know much about anesthesia, but I'm guessing since he is always drunk, it takes a lot more to make him pass out?

The man is seriously going to drink himself to death.

I'm sorry this post is such a bummer. I just can't quite get this out of my head today.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Oh the joy of planning a wedding.

W-Day: 88 days to go

The invites have been printed, along with address labels and the man-rentals (I'm not saying tuxes, because all they are renting are vests, shirts and ties, per Fiancé's request, claiming they all have black dress pants) have been organized. I mailed the balance that we owed for the Condo rental and I want to mail the photographer at least $100 this month. I still owe $88 or so to the table rental place.

I have 30 some-odd thank you notes to send out for Shower gifts. The highlights:
-Dirt Devil Kone rechargeable hand held vacuum
-three bag laundry sorter with ironing board on top
-George Foreman grill
-super cute pjs from my momma (those weren't on my registry)
-Stemless wine glasses along with two other sets of glasses we wanted.
Overall, I think it went well....but I didn't sit still for more than 5 minutes until they had me open presents. I DO NOT want the wedding to be like that. I will try my hardest to make sure I am fully aware and enjoying myself, not worrying about talking to every single person there. I almost want to do a revised receiving line because of this....but only have Fiancé and I talk to people, since I think they are awkward for the wedding party who won't know everyone.

Upcoming to do's:

1. stuff a prototype invite and take it to the post office to make sure it doesn't weigh too much...then its invite assembly time.
2. figure out what I'm wearing under my dress.
3. decide on a rehearsal dinner menu (per the restaurant)
4. make man-flowers and mom/g-ma corsages.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Secrets, Secrets

post secret really spoke to me today with these two. Especially the second.
My own little secrets: I'm terrified of our money situation right now, I haven't done shit for my Master's Thesis since telling my advisor I want to finish up before August and the BIGGEST one: If one more person asks me "what my colors are" or talks about "MY big day" coming up, I think I might lose it. I HATE being the soon to be bride. I cannot wait for this wedding to be over and to be Mrs. H and be on the beach for a week with Mr. H.
Ahhhhh I feel better. Anyone need to leave a secret? Feel free ...anonymous or not.
Happy freakin' Monday. I'll try to post a blurb about the Wedding Shower and how things went later, but we'll see.