Monday, October 26, 2009

One Day at a Time.

I've been in a serious rut of self-loathing and overall bad-moods lately. I'm hoping the changes I've been striving to make in my day to day living will help with this. The biggest being working in more physical activity. Saturday and Sunday both included walks to the library and tonight I'm planning on a stroll around town, scoping out homes for sale (even though we are in no position to buy right now, but hey I can still look) and enjoying the fall leaves. I'm taking a daily women's mulitvitamin along with a daily allergy medicine. Once we have money again (Friday) we'll be overhauling how we eat. I know with the right steps I can combat things on my own.

I'm very wary of going to the doctor about things. First, I don't even like my primary care doctor's office these days nor do I have a specific doctor I see or who even recognizes me anymore. The office that was once a small practice has been industrialized into an incorporated (probably hospital owned) business that isn't comfortable anymore to me. Second, I don't want to be medicated. I have talked to a handful of my friends about depression/anxiety meds and all of them say although they felt overall less depressed or anxious they didn't feel like themselves and their sex life beame pretty much non-existent while on things. That's not going to work for me, so I'll press on, taking things one day at a time (or at least trying to).

Monday, October 19, 2009


Post Secret has a new book out and although I have yet to buy it, I recommend it anyways since I own two of the previous books. For more info and this week's Sunday Secrets, go to the PostSecret Website

Happy Monday...

Friday, October 16, 2009


I need this more than ever today.... So here are some things I'm thankful for:

1. Coffee. I don't drink much in the warmer months, but through the Ohio Fall/Winter, it is a must in the mornings.
2. Journey's Don't Stop Believing. It makes me happy.
3. I'm only 25. Although I feel a lot older some days lately, I still have a lot of time to get things right in life (ie: find a job I love and finish my Master's)

What random things are you thankful for today?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Blah blah

So I haven't had many nice things to say lately...therefore (according to the golden rule) and have been choosing to say nothing at all.

I'm frustrated once again about things in life to the point of it putting me in a not so happy place. And my inability (aka laziness/apathy) to change some really bad habits I've fallen back into. And this stupid earache I have will not go away. And I could go on, but I won't, to avoid bumming out who ever actually reads this thing.

Hopefully tomorrow I will awake with a renewed sense of determination. Or at least something to help me not be so pissy all the damn time.

Friday, October 9, 2009


People are always "thanking God" its Friday. While I don't adhere to any belief system, I am still thankful for certain things in life:

1. The inventor of those nifty sponge scrub thingys you put soap in. When you don't have an automatic dishwasher, these are awesome.
2. Smell of Autumn....even on the rainy days like today (in the OH at least)
3. Second (and third, fourth and fifth) chances and the people who give me them.

So what are you thanking whatever omnipotent being you believe in (or lack thereof) for today....besides today? I want to try and start making this a weekly reinforce the positive and start the weekend right. So comment with your "thankful list" and humor me :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

No words.

I have began and quit writing this post two times already today. I'm having issues figuring out what I'm feeling, because I'm feeling many things at once.

I'm angsty. I'm facing the fact that I loathe my job and since I've been at it for over one year, I'm comfortable with the idea of looking for something else. Too bad the economy sucks right now. And I'm way overpaid for what I do. And anything I might like to do probably won't pay nearly as well. And I'm the breadwinner.

I'm sad I don't know why. Perhaps its the being 25 and not having a clue where I want to be thing, besides not where I am (career wise). Or because I feel like crap about myself since we got back from the honeymoon and my eating habits have been awful and I haven't been exercising like I should.

Add in the fact that I have been smoke free since Sunday (trying to not dwell on this....I want to make it stick for once) and I'm a big ball of craptastic ick today.

I need to focus on one thing at a time, but I feel like I can't do that right now. I just keep jumping from one thing to another worrying about one a bit, then moving on to the next, not really accomplishing anything.

The answers are easy:
1. Finish Master's, take on teaching part time to supplement income/provide a buffer for crappy job while looking for something better. Then continue teaching if I find something that pays a bit less and deal.
2. Meditate and Freaking. Exercise. (this is gigantically easier said than done for me right now)
3. Use will power while around friends who are smokers for a few weeks and I should be in the clear. Drinking will be the ultimate test.

It all sounds so easy but it all seems so overwhelming to me right now. Blarg.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Secrets etc...

What secret speaks to you this week?

Tomorrow I meet with my advisor. I WILL finish my Master's this time. This will be my second time since I finished taking classes that I've told myself this, but this time, its happening, mostly because my job is sucking the life (and brains) out of me and I'm going to need all the help (or degrees) I can get to find something I might actually enjoy doing. And that pays at least equivalent to what I'm making now, if not more.

Today I start exercising regularly again. Ask the husband, I've been a ball of mood swings lately, and I'm sure its directly related to my lack of activity. Not only do I pretty much thrive on those endorphins but it makes me feel good about how I look, which makes me even happier. Right now, I feel like a big fat blob. It probably doesn't help that I've been eating much like a college student PLUS I went to Oktoberfest this past weekend and drank a half gallon (ever so classy, straight from the jug) of beer and ate tons of fried things...but such opportunities only come but once a year. It was a very fun time and I didn't freeze to death sleeping in a tent due to wearing the following:
two thermal shirts
a hoodie
a Columbia Fleece zip jacket
a hat
Tights w/fleece pants over them
two pairs of socks
slipper boots
and most importantly, a well established Beer Coat.

Last year, we did not plan well, and tried to sleep in the back of Husband's Passat Wagon. Two people of our robust-ness do NOT fit comfortably in the back of a Passat Wagon, trust me on this one. It was the worst sleeping experience of my life, hands down. So this year, with our two person tent, sleeping bags zipped together and tons of blankets, it wasn't half bad. Next year though, we may invest in an air mattress.

Happy Monday.