What day is it?

Life goes on. I keep going. There are a million and a half things going on for me right now. I've stopped caring when I can't remember what day it is right away in the morning time. If its still dark out and the alarm is going off, it means get out of bed and exercise. If I wake up on my own to pee, its probably about 7:30 and I forgot to turn on said alarm or its the weekend and its time to go back to sleep. If the sun is shining through my windows, its probably the weekend, which means I need to get up at some point and exercise before I do anything else.

I went to Chicago for work. It was fun times. It has also added to my confusion and made it painful to come back to work, but whatever.

Operation fit into dress is in full swing. I got real worried this morning (I'm having a I-feel-like-a-beached-whale-I'm-so-fat day, so that doesn't help) but I'm going to calm myself by calling the alteration place that did my wedding dress and see when I could bring it by, just in case there is something to be done to give me some wiggle room.

My niece should be here the day before my bff gets married. Which means I probably won't be there at the hospital, but I will get to go visit Sunday before going back home. I am still buying adorable tiny things for her. I love her already, and I haven't even met her.

I could not be happier for all these life changing events going on with people I hold so dear. Summer will be even sweeter this year though, because I'll have some serious down time starting Memorial Day weekend.

Ghosts.

I've only had one real heartbreak in my life. Then I dated a bunch of losers for short time spans, then I quit dating all together, then I met my husband. It's pretty cut and dry when it comes to my relationship past.

I always take pride in how relatively good our relationship has been and continues to be. No, it isn't perfect, but we really try to keep it on the good side of things. We haven't had a huge fight since we got married and to date we've only had a handful of serious arguments. We get along well.

Since things have been serious, I have had the same quasi-reoccurring dream. It is never the exact same situation, it usually varies as to what is going on with our lives at that given time, but it always ends with Husband telling me he's not happy and this is not working and he's leaving. It is always completely from left field and there is no discussion about things. Sometimes I realize it's a dream and sometimes I don't. Either way, it always leaves me with a very bad taste in my mouth when I wake up.

This is exactly how my one heartbreak went, many years ago, when I was a mere 19 years old. It sucked, but I recovered. I never really thought it scarred me all that much because with time I gained wisdom and often joke about how I don't even know what I was thinking dating him in the first place, let alone getting so in over my head about him. I guess I should give the break up more credit, since it's still haunting me, periodocially through really vivid, awful my-husband-is-leaving-me-for-no-reason dreams.

I had a very, very busy weekend, with my bff's Bridal Shower on Saturday and my sister's Baby Shower on Sunday. I found out this morning I slept walked last night, which I've only done once or twice in my whole life, I was very tired to say the least. When I woke up, I decided it was a good idea to sleep a bit longer and come into work around 10 or 11. It's Spring Break and my head boss is out for the week, so not a big deal. Husband left about 8:30, coming in and saying goodbye with a kiss and then I snuggled up with the kitty and went back to sleep.

When I woke up at 9, I was crying hysterically and truly thought my husband had moved out, since you know, he wasn't in bed with me which he usually is when I go to work on time, which I had completely forgotten I called in late to work. It was awful. The dream was so vivid, and it took place in our apartment, with him talking about things that have been going on in our lives as the reasons he had already found an apartment to rent in the town where he works and his parents and sister were there to help him move....it was bad.

Now I can't get it out of my head...thus the annoying re-telling that just occurred. My silver lining is I got to listen to the BBC Newshour on NPR on the way into work....oh and its really quiet around here as well.

Secrets etc...

What secret speaks to you this week?

***

Tomorrow I meet with my advisor. I WILL finish my Master's this time. This will be my second time since I finished taking classes that I've told myself this, but this time, its happening, mostly because my job is sucking the life (and brains) out of me and I'm going to need all the help (or degrees) I can get to find something I might actually enjoy doing. And that pays at least equivalent to what I'm making now, if not more.

Today I start exercising regularly again. Ask the husband, I've been a ball of mood swings lately, and I'm sure its directly related to my lack of activity. Not only do I pretty much thrive on those endorphins but it makes me feel good about how I look, which makes me even happier. Right now, I feel like a big fat blob. It probably doesn't help that I've been eating much like a college student PLUS I went to Oktoberfest this past weekend and drank a half gallon (ever so classy, straight from the jug) of beer and ate tons of fried things...but such opportunities only come but once a year. It was a very fun time and I didn't freeze to death sleeping in a tent due to wearing the following:
two thermal shirts
a hoodie
a Columbia Fleece zip jacket
a hat
gloves
Tights w/fleece pants over them
two pairs of socks
slipper boots
and most importantly, a well established Beer Coat.

Last year, we did not plan well, and tried to sleep in the back of Husband's Passat Wagon. Two people of our robust-ness do NOT fit comfortably in the back of a Passat Wagon, trust me on this one. It was the worst sleeping experience of my life, hands down. So this year, with our two person tent, sleeping bags zipped together and tons of blankets, it wasn't half bad. Next year though, we may invest in an air mattress.

Happy Monday.

OMG

Yesterday I was excited.

Today I am so exhausted I just want to cry, but I'm too exhausted to cry.

I need solid, dreamless sleep and I doubt I'm going to get that before next week.

Not really stressed or worried just really, ridiculously exhausted at this point.

Maybe since I'm off work starting tomorrow I will sleep better.

Long.

Long weekends: they rule but have a way of leaving you exhausted and wanting more. 3 days off is not enough. Only about 3 months until the honeymoon week of nothingness on the beach in Florida. It can't come soon enough.
We somehow managed to hang with some friends and see both of our families over the weekend. We were very well fed, but not very well rested and spent a crazy amount of time in the car. My family is about 45 minutes from where we live, and his is about an hour and half, depending on traffic. Very worth it though, we had a great weekend. I think I'm a little more than bummed that it is over. Oh well, must press on with life.

We are going to take the invite materials to the printer tonight...hopefully the price is similar to my calculation of around $30 since money is a HUGE issue right now...there just doesn't seem to be enough for our already low budget wedding.

I've been striving to be as active as possible every day...even if it means doing the free step mode on the Wii Fit for 30 minutes while watching TV at night. I did that last night...but this was after I fell asleep on the couch for an hour. It was one of those "I didn't even realize I was asleep until my phone rang and woke me up" types of naps.

I have work I should be doing but can't seem to get motivated. Blarg.

I promise to have more interesting things to say next time.

Seven.

My pal Tabs gave me this pretty:

and tagged me to create a "favorite seven things" so here goes (in no particular order)

1. Fiancé. He truly is my penguin aka lobster aka soul mate and ying to my yang.
2. Sleeping on freshly laundered sheets.
3. Giggling babies....they are infectous and you can't help but giggle with them.
4. The post-workout high. It is what keeps me coming back to the gym every day lately.
5. Lazy Sundays.
6. Chipotle....its like heaven in American-Mexican food form (to me at least).
7. Clothes shopping for Kiddo...I can't seem to buy myself much of anything these days, but I love buying her clothes.

I'm supposed to tag other peeps to do the same...but I'm pretty much a loser and only have the one follower who is the person who tagged me...so any secret stalkers out there feel free to make yourself known and post your 7 favorite things in a comment.

Coming up later: This week's To-Do list.

Dis-connect.

This will most likely be a very disjointed, unorganized and whiny sort of thing due to me being out of the loop for the past two days because I'm in this god awful, snooty, rich suburb of Chicago. Seriously, this place has sucked the joy out of my usual happiness about staying in a hotel. And you should see these houses. And the amount of Audis/BMWs/Mercedes/Porches I've seen is ridiculous.

I brought my MacBook, thinking being a very nice hotel, there would be free WiFi in the damn, overpriced place...I swear I saw it say so on the website, but who knows. I was wrong. $9.95 for a connection that expires the next day at 3pm. So if I wanted interweb for both nights I'm here, it would be $20. I'm poor and was just generally annoyed by this, so I said, no way. Then I remembered there was a "business center" with a computer and fax and copier. i go to check it out, and its $4.95 for the first 10 minutes and then $.10 for each additional minute. So no internet at the hotel. Bummer.

Then I decide, hey, I'll go workout for a while. I head down to the gym and there is also a day spa at this hotel, so there's a counter and receptionist there.

She tells me there is an $8 charge each time you come to the gym, but you can just charge it to your room! I tell her no thank you, I'll just go for a walk, since that's still free and I'm on my way. My room was pre-approved to go on my boss's work credit card...for the exact amount it will be with tax so I can't "just charge it to my room."

After this, I decide to just go drive and try to find something better to do, since the cable doesn't have anything good on. I find an outdoor mall, which was nice, but its not like I can shop right now, with the wedding and bills and having to spend $600 on new tires Tuesday before I left...and I try to find someplace reasonable to eat...like a Chipotle or Panera and of course I couldn't find shit so I end up at an effing McD's.

Today, conference lunch was seriously a bunch of weird shit I wasn't about to attempt to eat so I had chicken and soup, that's it. It was annoying...along with this conference in general. I don't know why the fuck I'm even here. We don't even use the testing program its for! I don't really even get what they have been talking about for the past two days. Plus I just don't know much about testing nor do I care.

So today I try to drive the other direction, thinking I might find something besides McD's for tonight's dinner, but nope. Here I sit, in the fanciest goddamn McDonald's on the planet. Plus I paid $2.95 for 2 hours of internet. I don't know if this is a statewide Illinois thing or what, but it fucking sucks.



Oh and I had the worst wedding dream I've had so far but in an effort to forget it, I don't want to rehash it right now. I slept awful last night, waking every hour.

So here's a recap of the sucking of Oak Brook, IL for Ms. Emmalane:
1. No free internet (this has also made me want an iPhone even more)
2. No free gym.
3. Gross snooty food.
4. stupid conference.
5. way too squishy bed/pillows causing bad sleep.
6. State of IL being hour behind OH, its just annoying.
7. Nothing besides McD's or expensive restaurants around hotel.

I can't wait to go home.

hmmmph.

I feel like poo. Went to the doctor and peed in a cup for them to diagnose what I thought would be a UTI, but Doc comes back in and tells me it actually came back negative and as she is walking out of the door again tells me we'll treat it as a UTI and go from there...I stop her by saying, well what else could it be? She says, well, the test could be wrong and you really do have one, or we'll just wait and see. From the lady who's vag doesn't have a nagging burning sensation for the past week: we'll just wait and see. Fuck you lady. If it isn't better by Thursday, I'm calling my gyno and telling them the story and trying to get in ASAP.

I also haven't been sleeping well. I don't know if this is related at all, but it definitely doesn't help anything. I almost called off work today just because I want to sleep all day. Plus, my boss man is out all week and the few things I have to do this week could be completed in about 2 hours. I love my job, but when sicky, I'd rather be in bed.

I had a horrid wedding nightmare over the weekend. In it, Fiance's family told us we should have the wedding now, while we were at some random house for a weekend. I ended up in my sister's wedding dress, which was too big, doing my own hair and makeup (which for me, would be horrible, since I'm not great at those things), my parents couldn't make it because my dad fell down and got a concussion (?) and the kicker: When I demand to see Fiance before the alleged ceremony, because I wanted to tell him I don't want to do the wedding today, he has shaved his head, all facial hair (he usually rocks the goatee and a beard in the winter) and got his septum pierced. I begin crying at this point and then wake up, realizing it was nothing but a really bad dream. All the things sound really trival, but the feeling of no one listening to me/caring what I thought was the worst part of it. I haven't been thinking about the wedding much at all lately...so I guess this was my subconscious telling me I need to plan more?

I feel I have bitched and moaned enough for today....

teehee

I awoke around 5am and remembered a really bad dream I had. So I roll over and cuddle up to bf, because that is what I do when I have bad dreams. He doesn't wake, but moves slightly in his sleep a bit and then I fall half back asleep but realize I wasn't comfy and being to move. In reaction, bf rolls over on his side (he had been on his back) with his butt facing me. So I cuddle up behind him (think spooning) and he farts on me! I giggle a bit, have completely forgot the bad dream at this point and fall back asleep. I love this man...even with his nocturnal gases.