This Step-Mom's take.

Unless you live under a rock, you know Sunday is Mother's Day.

It's a weird day for me, being a part-time-parental-unit-type-person that I am.

My mother, being the amazing woman that she is, always gives me a card and a little something, because she knows all the motherly type things I do for the girls. On the flip side, my husband, being.....my sometimes dense but oh so lovable husband, doesn't do squat. I'm okay with both these things.

I am not a mother. I'm the wife of a father.

Sometimes I do get the inkling I know what it feels like to be "mom". Those moments when Little One sits on my lap and absentmindedly holds my hand and sort of pets it, or when the Kiddo says something so poignant and wise beyond her years. My heart swells for a moment and I think, thank you, who ever/what ever/the universe for bringing these girls to me.

But, alas, those moments are fleeting; I'm snapped right back into place with exchanges such as this one, last weekend in the car:

Little One: "Daddy I need a drink of water please."

(Husband was driving, so I grabbed the bottle of water and handed it back to her)

Little One: (not missing a beat) "Uhh, I asked my Daddy for some water, not you."

Step-Mom Me: "Well, Little One, (I actually busted out her full name, which neither of us exactly like in the first place so we usually call her by a shortened version the husband came up with shortly after her birth) Daddy is driving, so that's why I'm getting it for you and you can ask me for it next time."

Tiny reminders of how I'm not mom. How he is always preferred by the girls to me, with good reason, no doubt, but still it stings a bit.

I read an article on CNN about one step-mother's anguish about not having the relationship with her step-daughter that she thought she should. And how Mother's Day is so hard for her. (I'm not linking to said article because I honestly don't like how it was written or what she had to say.)

I don't see it like that. I don't have any expectations when it comes to my relationship with the girls. I just let it be what it is. I don't try and make it something its not; I'm not trying to be their best friend nor am I trying to be their mother. I do try my very hardest to be a good example; a positive female role model. I try to show them there are many ways to look at things and how being different from others is quite alright.

I am happy to have a front row seat to their lives, with a smidge of influence on who they will become.

So Sunday, as my step-daughters are giving their mothers handmade cards and probably little gifts made at school, I'll be quietly thankful I get to be part of their existence.

And that fact alone is enough for me.

Kiddo and I, at an amusement park last Summer.

Little One and I, December 2010

Experiment.

Today I am going to remember the happiest times over my two week furlough; I am thankful I got to spend that time with my husband, friends and family. I will remind myself of the benefits of my job; when I can't find the good things I will refuse to let it interfere with my over all happiness. At least for today. Tomorrow I start again, and see how that goes.

This is a definite one day at a time experiment. If I can apply this attitude every day for the next 21 work days, perhaps it will become routine? Perhaps I will awake to birds chirping and woodland creatures serenading me tomorrow? Anything is possible, right?

Today's benefit: how nice it is to have my own office (where I can take mini breaks to blog randomness).

Day Thirteen: Music.

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Andrew McMahon,

Where would I be without the musical genius that is Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin? It is a fact of my existence these two bands have spoke to me more consistently and longer than any other. Somehow you have created music I relate to on so many different levels.

Namely, Dark Blue from Everything in Transit and Swim from The Glass Passenger. I have clung to these two songs like a life preserver lately. What else can you do when your life has become this thing where all those things you expected to do....the things you expected to be are so far away from reality? If you are anything like me, you get in the car and sing a song at the top of your lungs that explains how you feel better than you could ever put into your own words....or you go for a walk on a deserted bike path and you sing and you feel better knowing there are thousands of other fans that do the very same thing.

Thank you for making music with just the right combination of melancholy and hope, it has helped me and continues to do so more than you will ever know.

(Pleasantly)Surprised.

Child support procedures are pretty messed up these days. The amount my husband is responsible for paying each month was established on September 13. Approximately a week after this, he received a letter stating he was past due and owed X amount of dollars by the following Wednesday. After some quick math and a Monday morning call to the Child Support Enforcement Agency(CSEA for short) the reason was established: he owed back payments from the date he received the court papers. That was Father's Day. I guess they expect people to pull a number out of their hineys and save moolah whilst they wait 3 months for their court date where the actual amount of support to be paid is established?? I definitely gained a few wrinkles trying to make sense of that injustice.

(disclaimer: I know there are scumbags out there who don't care about seeing their children and/or financially supporting them, but the same rules applying to good fathers is a bunch of archaic bullshit that really needs to be reformed.)

But wait, this post was titled '(Pleasantly)Surprised' although there is nothing pleasant about that scenario. I know this, the previously described turn of events was scary, especially since once he talked to CSEA he found out he owed for September as well, which was not included on the back balance and to top it off, we were going into the first month of no paychecks for him due to getting downsized. Fantastic! I had more than one angry crying moment due to it all. It has been handled and he is current (for now) but it was not fun times for a couple weeks.

Moving on to the good part. Yesterday the husband got a phone call from Little One's mom thanking (whaaaaa? this is unheard of in our world) him for the money. She said she was very surprised at the amount and she told him its all going into a savings account she has for Little One. She also suggested meeting at a Chuck E. Cheese 15 minutes from us (they usually meet half way between where we live and where they live, which is 45 minutes away) for this week's visit and that it's all on her. This is coming from the woman who kept husband from seeing his child for years. I'm not sure why or how this change of heart has happened, but it is absolutely amazing.

The part about her thanking him really floored me. It makes me believe she doesn't feel entitled to the money, she feels grateful for it and that makes paying it each month a lot easier. This is much unlike Kiddo's mom, so it is nice to know someone appreciates it.

There was a brief conversation about me coming today, because the Chuck E. Cheese they are meeting at was the one I first met Kiddo at in March of 2007 but they are meeting at 4 so I'll still be at work. Plus I really want her mother to be alright with it, and have time to be ready for me to be there, so it will wait a bit longer. Plus I'm hoping for a sunny fall day/a trip to the park for me being there, because I'll probably cry and then I can hide it with sunglasses at least. I'm a crier, and the last time I saw this child she was a bebe still, and she fell asleep on me at his parents house, and it was precious, so there will most likely be tears.

I was guardedly happy at first at how well things are going with Little One, but that guard is just about gone. I'm sick of having to be so cynical; having to expect the worst, so its nice to see things continually getting better.

Now, if someplace would call the husband back about a job....

Year One.

I could not ask for a better person to share forever with. Happy Anniversary to us.

Seriously?

People I don't know in real life read this poor excuse for a blog? Really?

Wow, that sort of made my morning....so thanks to whoever from where ever that has ever stumbled upon my page. And a preemptive thanks to those who may do so in the future.

I love you long time. (Even if the main purpose of this thing is borderline selfish and just a place for me to vent and be random, thanks for reading).

TGIF

Today I'm Thankful for....

1. My job. With the Unemployment rate at 10% I am SO FREAKING lucky to have a job and be able to pay my bills and be pseudo-comfortable...we may not be able to buy a house yet but oh well.
2. My wonderful Husband. I yelled at him, in my sleep, Wednesday night...and he still loves me.
3. My family. Seeing them on turkey day was fantastic.
4. WEEKENDS with great friends because with a job like mine, you sort of live for them.

Happy flipping Friday...go out and be thankful for something :)

TGIF

No, this isn't a post about abc's friday night line up from the 1990's (sorry to disappoint). It is my weekly list of random things I'm thankful for:

1. Veterans. My dad, brother, all three of my Uncles and both my grandfathers are/were soldiers. Patriotism is in my blood...even if I choose to support the soldiers but not the wars.
2. My little apartment. We don't have a yard, or even a deck, but we have someplace to call home. Plus living above a business lets us avoid expensive natural gas bills in the winter: we still haven't turned on the furnace and we probably won't. Yay for Amish installed insulation! (says the landlord)
3. The heater that came with my job. Without it, I would have to wear a snow suit to work because they also are avoiding turning on the heat at my work, however, I don't think they have good insulation, let alone, Amish installed.

Happy Freakin' Friday.

tgif, bitches.

Explanation can be read here

Today I remind myself how I am thankful for:
1. My right to vote (even in non-presidential year elections!)
2. Heated seats...enough said.
3. Messages written on steamy mirrors. They can make a morning so much better.
4. Good friends who you can be stupid with, and have those giant belly laughs with over practically nothing.


What are you thankful for today?

tgif.

I need this more than ever today.... So here are some things I'm thankful for:

1. Coffee. I don't drink much in the warmer months, but through the Ohio Fall/Winter, it is a must in the mornings.
2. Journey's Don't Stop Believing. It makes me happy.
3. I'm only 25. Although I feel a lot older some days lately, I still have a lot of time to get things right in life (ie: find a job I love and finish my Master's)

What random things are you thankful for today?

TGIF

People are always "thanking God" its Friday. While I don't adhere to any belief system, I am still thankful for certain things in life:


1. The inventor of those nifty sponge scrub thingys you put soap in. When you don't have an automatic dishwasher, these are awesome.
2. Smell of Autumn....even on the rainy days like today (in the OH at least)
3. Second (and third, fourth and fifth) chances and the people who give me them.


So what are you thanking whatever omnipotent being you believe in (or lack thereof) for today....besides today? I want to try and start making this a weekly thing....to reinforce the positive and start the weekend right. So comment with your "thankful list" and humor me :)