Unless you live under a rock, you know Sunday is Mother's Day.
It's a weird day for me, being a part-time-parental-unit-type-person that I am.
My mother, being the amazing woman that she is, always gives me a card and a little something, because she knows all the motherly type things I do for the girls. On the flip side, my husband, being.....my sometimes dense but oh so lovable husband, doesn't do squat. I'm okay with both these things.
I am not a mother. I'm the wife of a father.
Sometimes I do get the inkling I know what it feels like to be "mom". Those moments when Little One sits on my lap and absentmindedly holds my hand and sort of pets it, or when the Kiddo says something so poignant and wise beyond her years. My heart swells for a moment and I think, thank you, who ever/what ever/the universe for bringing these girls to me.
But, alas, those moments are fleeting; I'm snapped right back into place with exchanges such as this one, last weekend in the car:
Little One: "Daddy I need a drink of water please."
(Husband was driving, so I grabbed the bottle of water and handed it back to her)
Little One: (not missing a beat) "Uhh, I asked my Daddy for some water, not you."
Step-Mom Me: "Well, Little One, (I actually busted out her full name, which neither of us exactly like in the first place so we usually call her by a shortened version the husband came up with shortly after her birth) Daddy is driving, so that's why I'm getting it for you and you can ask me for it next time."
Tiny reminders of how I'm not mom. How he is always preferred by the girls to me, with good reason, no doubt, but still it stings a bit.
I read an article on CNN about one step-mother's anguish about not having the relationship with her step-daughter that she thought she should. And how Mother's Day is so hard for her. (I'm not linking to said article because I honestly don't like how it was written or what she had to say.)
I don't see it like that. I don't have any expectations when it comes to my relationship with the girls. I just let it be what it is. I don't try and make it something its not; I'm not trying to be their best friend nor am I trying to be their mother. I do try my very hardest to be a good example; a positive female role model. I try to show them there are many ways to look at things and how being different from others is quite alright.
I am happy to have a front row seat to their lives, with a smidge of influence on who they will become.
So Sunday, as my step-daughters are giving their mothers handmade cards and probably little gifts made at school, I'll be quietly thankful I get to be part of their existence.
And that fact alone is enough for me.