Can't Hardly Wait.

(Remember that movie? I haven't seen it in years but now I want to...)

16 days.

I've been teetering back and forth from excited to upset a lot this week....mostly due to PMS but also because I have 16 days to work out lots of things for w-day and we have about $140 to make non-food wedding purchases with...and to live on until next Friday.
And I'm scheduled for a hair cut and color Saturday at 11:30 and thats $65. I was going to get the old eyebrows waxed too, but I think I'll have to cheat on my stylist and go to Regis at the mall so I can shamefully put it on my Visa.

But still, I can't freaking wait until the 29th.
To be married (!)
To be surrounded by all the people who are important to us.
To see people I haven't seen in a long-ass time.
To meet Fiancé's out of state friend from college and to have him meet my oldest friend who lives in Chicago now (hopefully he makes it)
To have a sense of accomplishment that we did it.
To spend an entire week relaxing.

There was a time in my life I honestly didn't think I would ever be doing this, but I've never been happier and I feel more like myself than I ever have in my 24 years and 11 months of living.

22 Days and Still No Dress

This week brought a new development in my dress drama. The owner of the shop who had been arranged by the designer to recieve my dress (Athena Bridal) called me Monday afternoon. I was busily running errands at work to get ready for an event we had yesterday and I missed the call and had a voicemail from her. It is probably a good thing she left me the news on the message, because I got really upset. Like, almost-threw-my-phone-into-a-brick-wall-while-crying upset.

House of Wu (the designer) "lost" my dress. It was made and ready to go, pending payment from Sharnett Bridal back in July. When Sharnett said they wouldn't be paying for it, Wu sent them to collections and my dress went MIA at this point. I'm guessing they sold it to a warehouse bridal place or something to get their money.

The Owner of Athena's told me they placed a rush order for them to make me another dress and the estimated date of arrival is August 20. That's nine days before the wedding. And that's the best case scenario.

I spent the rest of Monday and most of Tuesday pretty pissed off and sulking. I've come to terms with it now....there isn't anything I can do but wait so I've been distracting myself with getting other things done.

If I don't have this dress the Monday before the wedding....I'll be calling off work the entire week (instead of just the 3 days before the wedding) and finding one then.

I know the universe may be trying to tell me something here...but I freaking love my dress, and I won't give up on it until the last possible moment. Plus I'm hoping things will be smooth with everything else because I've paid my dues in the whole "weddings never go as planned" arena right?

Or I just won't care if the day of things go wrong, because nothing can really top all this BS....

Crash and Burn.

Hell hath no fury like an (about to be married) woman's scorn.

Fiancé and I had words last night regarding our guest list issues. They were not pleasant words and there were probably more tears (on my part) than words at one point. I'm not going to give the play by play because it was a very stupid argument and it wasn't really resolved, besides me saying, "well that didn't fix anything so we might as well call a truce" (this was when I reached over and shook his hand as we laid in bed and he laughed at me). I'm trying not to stew about it, but it is very hard since I'm on wedding-mode just about 24/7 at this point. Which is what I blame for the argument. I'm very extreme with my emotions right now...very very happy or very very not.

I have a to-do list with more things that cost money than things that do not, until last night the list was comforting, but today it feels like the bane of my existence. Okay, its not that bad...I just want to get everything taken care of in the next week or two so I can have some major chill out time the two weeks before the wedding.

The Dress Shop still hasn't called. Last week when I talked to them, they said my dress should be in by "early next week". Well its Friday of "next week" and they still haven't called to tell me it is in. They have until 2pm to call, and then I will be calling them to figure out what is going on with things.

Hopefully the next time I blog it will be to announce I have the damn dress in my possession.

32 days...

...til the wedding, and, my dress is being shipped to another store as we speak. It could possibly be there anytime this afternoon and I spoke with the owner who assured me she would call if this is the case.

I contacted the dress designer again last week and they contacted this other shop, whom they do business with in order to have it shipped there. I have to pay what Sharnett Bridal owes the the designer...but that is only about half of what I paid Sharnett in the first place. So yes it sucks, but I would've probably ended up spending that much or more on a new dress and I love my original dress so why get someting different?

We have the bridesmaids squared away as well (since their dresses were also ordered from the store that closed) a la Target online. I love me some Target!!

Somewhat related but pretty random: I came across a forum posting on my bridal networking site where a bride just bought her 4th dress, and its a month from her wedding. It said something like "I'm finally satisfied" or something. I can't imagine putting myself through what I've gone through with my dress in the past month on purpose...but, to each his own, right?

I'm actually getting excited about things...and not just excited for the honeymoon, but excited for the actual wedding day, woo woo!

F*ck it.

As of today, 40 days until our wedding, I have nothing to wear.

Wait! That't not true! I have shoes and my veil.

I returned my replacement dress. It was a very beautiful dress but I felt very fat and not pretty in it, and decided w-day is the one day I should be exempt from feeling those things.

So now I wait. I wait for the call from the store owner, or perhaps a miracle....that a package containing my wedding dress will be on my doorstep one evening. I have a few other options as well...I just really want the dress I paid for and ordered in February. BUT...if I can't have it, I'm still getting married to my lovely fiancé and that is the most important thing and I know it. He has been so great through all of this; completely supportive and somehow conveyed his "it doesn't matter what you wear" man-neutrality on my clothing for our wedding without upsetting me.

So I say fuck it. Fuck this dress bullshit and the sleep I've lost over it.

I'm getting married in 40 days!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!

TAT: Totally Awkward Tuesdays

Hosted by TovaDarling

Awkward is not being obsessed over our wedding but being expected to be by society and even by people who have known me my whole life. People who knew I was firmly in the "I doubt I'll ever get married" club for a very long time and still being asked by them "what are your colors?"

It is drilled into girls so young to be consumed by weddings and colors and the perfect dress and the perfect day and its YOUR DAY (not "their day" because the plural actually includes the love of your life and its not even really about him.....besides that YOU ARE MARRYING HIM) and you're a princess and you're expected to be a complete bitch and make your bridesmaids wear the same dress and shoes and jewelry and hair and to be suddenly concerned with flowers and favors and colors and types of ribbon. So when I ventured out into the wide world of wedding planning, I've been met with a lot of strange looks and behaviors for not being so typical.

All I have wanted since we got engaged was to NOT be stressed in the planning process and to create a day that reflects us as a couple and that celebrates love. There have been a few small incidents, but nothing compares to my dress shopping experiences.

The first shop I went to was on a Monday evening. My sister was with me and we were not even approached by an employee until my we had pulled a bunch of dresses Then we were sort of yelled at for, because they usually only pull 5 at most at a time. Then we took pictures of me the first dress I put on and were told we weren't allowed to do that either. Great start. I had one I really liked, but I wanted to try more.

I should have done my research, and not gone to the SeventhCircleofHell for dress shopping round two, but I was on a budget, so it was off to D's Bridal for me. There I was tortured by being assigned an associate who was easily 75 years old and had a way less than pleasant disposition. When I arrived for my scheduled appointment, the receptionist at the store told me my associate would be with me soon. I asked if I should start pulling dresses, and was told oh no, they would do it for me. Cool I thought. Well, not really. She made me do that while she went to get me a slip and a bra, and then put my girls to work pulling stuff, which was fine, but then she complained if they brought dresses that were a size too small or a size too big for me to try. She didn't even ask me if I wanted one of them to help me in and out of things, she just did it, and stabbed me with her long red finger nails as she put me in and out of about 15 dresses. She had the worst people skills I had ever experienced. I am a pretty easy person to talk to, but she made me so uncomfortable. It was awful.

I later decided to purchase the favorite dress from the initial store. The day I was measured was another one laden with awkwardness. I was treated like I was an inconvenience and was rushed through the process. I'd never had measurements of any kind taken so I didn't know what to expect and the girl measuring me was a total bitch. When I asked what "private designer" meant (I was told my dress was made by one of the shops private designers) because I had some ethical concerns, the owner matter-of-factly told me, "honey they are all made in sweatshops, so unless you have a dress custom made that's where its coming from, but I've been to them, and they are that bad" and it wasn't so much what she said but how she said it. Then I was scooted out the door as fast as they could take my full payment in cash.

I felt like because I did not purchase an extravagant, princess ball gown I was treated like crap. On a later visit when I mentioned how I was looking for 3 different dresses with brown lace accents the girl helping me that day looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my nose.

My original dress....isn't she lovely?

Now, recent events discussed in Adventures in Wedding Planning have forced me to purchase other dress since my original one has gone MIA.

Dress number two...pretty but not perfect.

Lesson Learned: To avoid awkward moments and lots of frustration by not buying into the Wedding Industrial Complex in American Society, Elope and have an informal BBQ reception unless you can afford a full service wedding planner....or if you do buy into the WIC, more power to you...it's just not me.

Adventures in Wedding Planning.

On Wednesday morning, after I called the store my wedding dress had been ordered from, Sharnett Bridal and Prom, getting a busy signal on numerous attempts, I found this article telling me the store had closed/gone out of business.

The "ship date" for my dress given to me by Sharnett (on February 14 when I paid in cash, in full) was today, July 10, 2009. After leaving a voicemail on the shop owner's cell phone and sending an email with more than enough information and not getting a response to either, I contacted the designer of my dress directly. They told me my dress was ordered, made and ready to go, but never paid for. I had already given Sharnett my money, and now I was going to have to pay AGAIN to have them ship it to me.

There is an internet bridal gown business based out of a nearby town who is offering any bride who paid in full at Sharnett half off any dress they have in stock and their prices are already way lower because they cut out the middle part of buying the dress. They were absolutely wonderful people. They were my best dress buying experience that I wasn't even supposed to have.

So here is my new and improved wedding dress.....

please excuse my face in this picture...I was very tired of standing at this point

And if by some chance stroke of luck my original dress appears on my doorstep (which I'm not holding my breath, I was made to pay in cash, so all I have is my receipt for a paper trail and this woman has done this before) the place this dress is from will let me return it for a full refund. Oh and those little straps will most likely not be there...we were just trying them out but I don't think I like them at all.

Secrets, Secrets

post secret really spoke to me today with these two. Especially the second.

My own little secrets: I'm terrified of our money situation right now, I haven't done shit for my Master's Thesis since telling my advisor I want to finish up before August and the BIGGEST one: If one more person asks me "what my colors are" or talks about "MY big day" coming up, I think I might lose it. I HATE being the soon to be bride. I cannot wait for this wedding to be over and to be Mrs. H and be on the beach for a week with Mr. H.

Ahhhhh I feel better. Anyone need to leave a secret? Feel free ...anonymous or not.

Happy freakin' Monday. I'll try to post a blurb about the Wedding Shower and how things went later, but we'll see.

Thrice.

I see I have more than the lone follower these days....I think that deserves a huge WOO-WOO! Thanks for making me feel loved followers!

I've written before about how I don't care if no one reads this...because its nice to have a quiet place to spew randomness. Alas, I'm discovering it is also nice to get feedback on the randomness from perfect strangers as well, so keep it coming...and tell a friend if you so choose.

So 100 days from today is our wedding. I'll be the blushing bride, trying to eating breakfast (with a mimosa fo' sho') at this point 100 days from today. I'm excited, but still a bit worried about money and how things are going to be executed.
We are going to Kinko's next week to drop off the invite paper for printing....and Fiancé is (supposedly) going next weekend to choose clothing for the men folk. My shower is next Saturday...and I'm mildy excited about this as well. Plus, Fiancé's mom and sister will probably throw me another one sometime in June for his side of things, since they are all based around Columbus. Woo wedding crap. Overall, I'm still way more excited for the trip to Florida at this point and for everything to be done with.... is that messed up? Oh well if it is.

Really?

Random wedding nonsense: If you are getting married in 4.5 months, why on Earth would you send a "Save the Date" card?! You are going to send the invites out two months later!
What a waste!

Disclaimer: Planning our wedding has given me opinions on things I usually wouldn't care about. If I would have known all the bullshit that goes along with a wedding, we would have went to the court house, had an informal reception and gone on a really nice honeymoon to someplace tropical (we're going to Florida, so its beachy and budget friendly, but its no Hawaii or Bahamas).

Recently, one of my bridesmaids has begun looking for shoes to go with her dress. I never thought I would give two shits what she puts on her feet for the day, but then she sent me a picture of what she was thinking about and asked if they were okay and I had to say no. The shoe was all wrong for the style of the dress. All of the sudden, I feel like a control freak or even worse, dare I say, bridezilla. Now I'm telling them what to put on their feet?
I love this girl but she just doesn't get it. The dress is a tea length, slightly longer in the back than in the front strapless Chiffon dress and she sent me a photo of these multi colored brown heels with a closed, rounded toe. The wedding is in August and the ceremony will most likely take place outside. They weren't totally ugly, just totally wrong for the dress. They looked like shoes I would wear with a brown pantsuit in the dead of winter. This is quite frustrating because this same bridesmaid who couldn't pick a simple brown dress to compliment mine which is the reason I chose one dress for all of them (which I REALLY didn't want to) and then had to help her pay for it as well. Now I'll probably end up buying her shoes too.

Of course I'm horribly worried she's mad at me about this...she is a good friend and has helped quite a bit so far with wedding planning, but when I said you can pick your shoes, I imagined she could pick something that goes with the dress, not just any brown shoe...

All I can think is, "why did I do this to myself? Why didn't I just put my foot down and tell Fiancé let's just do a Best Man and Maid of Honor and no one else" but it is much too late for that. I have to deal with the repercussions...plus all the other bullshit that goes along with this fiasco.

Bottom line: I love my Fiancé and I'm so excited to marry him, but I strongly dislike wedding planning. The latest tidbit he has surprised me with: Fiancé insists on writing our own vows and not sharing them with each other before the wedding. I love this. It makes me nervous because he plans on writing his the week before the wedding but we decided I will write mine first, probably a month or a couple weeks before because I'm worried I'll be a big ball of nerves the week before. Both will end with, "I give you this ring as a reminder of these promises" or something like that so we can integrate the rings and the vows into one thingy.

Woo for awesome Fiancé.

Gag.

As anti-bride as I have become....I'm beginning to be excited about the wedding for a few reasons. I am beginning to be excited to be the bride. Warning: gushing over love and wedding things follows, so if you can't stomach it right now, turn away.

Mostly, Fiancé and I have somehow evolved into this extremely functional-we-don't-fight-about-anything stage of our relationship even whilst planning the wedding. I'm not complaining or trying to toot my own horn, I'm just amazed to how this happened.

history: In our early years, we never fought about anything. We discussed a few times when there were slight problems...ie: he kept comparing me to his most recent crazy ex in front of people, and I just had to tell him, in private, this was not cool. I told him once and it never happened again. Once we moved in together, we went the first 6 months without any major problems...and then just an occassional growing pain type fight you encounter when you live with someone long term.
Now that we are approaching our two year mark on living together, becoming engaged and planning a wedding AND dealing with the usual problems with Kiddo's mom, we've had some shitty arguments. The last being in March, which was when I decided we were done arguing over anything wedding related. We would compromise or drop it, and I would stop pushing him about what he needs to do and just let him take care of things. He is responsible and if I don't bug him about it, he'll get it done sooner and not feel resentful about doing so.
We've been on this high since then....doing good things for each other and cooking together; overall just enjoying each other's company and appreciating each other. It's mushy-gushy type of stuff, but I can't get enough of it. I'm sure we'll do something in the next 4 months to ruin this, but hey, that's life.

The second reason for heightened excitement about the weddings is my shower is coming up soon...this means presents and cake and mimosas, oh my! I never had a birthday party growing up....my family never had the money for all the crap that went with a kids birthday (decorations, favors for the other kids, etc...) so it was just a few gifts and a dinner out to Bill Knapp's with my grandparents since I shared my birthday with my grandpa and my mom's is two days later. I have been saying for a while now I'm only doing a shower because my mom didn't get to have a traditional one for my sister and since we registered for so much stuff it would be rude not to but I'm secretly excited about it. A whole party for meeeeeee! Where I get to be pretty and people will give me presents and I don't have to play the games (even though my girls have been forewarned about making the games as cool as possible, since I hate them) Shhh though, don't blow my cover, I have a reputation to uphold.

So in conclusion, my mood matches the weather today: gorgeous and sunshiny. Sorry if this post induced vomiting.

PS-It's Kiddo's Birthday today! Happy Birthday Kiddo, you are an amazing person, and are growing up into an awesome little woman!! xoxo

Looky.

I got bored at work and this is what came of it. Oh and I definitely stole the hair-do pictures from a random person on Flickr. I searched "wedding hair" and it came up and I really really like the 'do. Sort of creepy but hey, that's what happens when you put pictures online for anyone to see. Maybe someday someone will steal a picture from this blog even...hah!

The dress, veil, shoes, flowers and brooch are all mine...well, the dress isn't in my possession, but will be eventually...and I really like the necklace and I'll probably buy it soon. The face is what I hope the achieve make-up wise. The shoes are my sister's from her wedding...I'll probably only wear them for the ceremony and then go barefoot or get some cute flats. the brooch was my Grandma Lane's which we are going to figure out a way to put it in my hair. Bouquet was made a while ago and a bought the veil in February from Etsy.

Woo wedding. I don't despise it so much today for some reason. I'm actually a bit excited.