Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I pick my battles...

So lovely bf (of almost three years) basically told me his band is more important than our wedding date....this is the man who wants to buy a house with me...who lets me help him pay his bills, and let me help him buy his car. And it may have been me misinterpreting things, but this is (basically) how it went:

me: "so I looked up OSU's schedule for next fall (yes, I am being kind enough to schedule around OSU football in order to have my wedding in the fall like I want) and they play New Mexico State on October 31 so I doubt it will be an 8pm game, so how do you feel about getting married on Halloween?"
him: "Halloween is a busy time for shows, and I don't want my anniversary that day because then I'll have to turn down shows because its my anniversary."
me: "The 31st isn't always going to be on a Saturday"
him: "well it will be once every seven years" (he said this being completely serious)
me: "so you'll have to turn down a show on Halloween once every seven what?"
him: *ROLLS HIS EYES AT ME* and goes on to say something like, it just shouldn't be on any holiday because people have family stuff........all I can think is....most of the people at the wedding are going to be FAMILY. Plus I've never, ever had a family tradition on halloween, or even known a family to have one.

At this point, I say something along the lines of...I don't want to talk about this anymore because it doesn't even matter because we aren't even engaged. Plus he hurt my feelings but I didn't want him to know that. So I get real quiet and fight the tears and try and not be mad, because if I get mad, he won't feel bad, he'll just be frustrated and mad as well. And I'm way more hurt than mad anyways.
So I get online and I delete my offbeat bride tribe account...and the subscription to the Knot website as well (I didn't use that one much overwhelmed me) and I am refusing to talk about it until there is a ring on my finger. I'm going to try my hardest not to think about it either. Then I volunteer to walk the movie we have out from the library back just to get away from him.

I will give him this: he works for a crappy company that is owned by really old, rich, republicans and they refuse to turn on the furnace until the end of November or something to save on money, and he spent the whole day freezing and said he felt like he was getting a cold. Plus a guy he works with, who had been there for 3 or 4 years got fired for financial reasons and that bummed everyone out. So I could have chose a better time when he was in a better mood to bring it up, but still....

If he brings up house buying again, I'm totally shutting him down on it. If we aren't in a financial place for him to be able to afford a ring, we have no business making such a huge investment. And just the fact that he doesn't seem to be making an effort to even go window shopping for them with me pisses me off. I've told him 4 or 5 times now, we need to go look and get an idea of price before anything else but I doubt he has ever heard me.

So I'm pretty sure he knows I'm upset. I cried a little when we went to bed and turned away from him and he rubbed my back without me asking (which he NEVER does).

I just wish he would hurry up and propose. I've definitely put in my time :)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I have too much time on my hands.

Today at work I have:
-found every house in town in (what I think is) our price range for buying and made a tidy list including address, price and number of bedrooms/bathrooms.
-found (the more realistic option) a spacious 2 bedroom apartment closer to downtown for not much more than we are paying now. I'm going to call the guy tonight for serious, and ask him one determining question: does it have a bathtub?
-found two realistic locations for our wedding. No, we still aren't officially engaged, but we might as well be. I felt weird researching things at first, since there is no ring on my finger, but it is only a matter of time (and money) until it is and I don't want to spend ions of time planning, so I might as well know what I want early.
-updated my offbeat bride tribe profile.
-checked MySpace a zillion times.
-visited Facebook a few times as well.
- I have NOT however, done much significant work. Not that I am complaining...I'm just worried one of these days they are going to bust me doing very little and realize they are paying all this money for me to organize my life on their time.

Oh well. I'm thinking over time, things may get busier, but who knows.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

ick. ack. eck.

Do you ever have days where you are just off?

I imagine something is wrong in somewhere in world, or even the universe, and for some reason, its affecting me. I just feel bad, very unhappy and blue. I can't seem to talk myself out of it like usual. I know it will pass, but damn, it sure does make things annoying in the mean time.

Oh and it doesn't help that I am already stressing a smidgen about the wedding I haven't even been proposed for yet. That is probably the most of it. I'm getting impatient, and I can't start planning until he proposes and I honestly don't know when that will be.


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Secrets, Secrets

I was killing some time today on and decided create my own little secret sharing blog for a couple reasons, mostly because I'm too lazy to create a post card to send to Frank Warren. So here are my secrets:

1. I have always said I never want kids. Suddenly I do and that freaks me out. A lot.
2. I don't think I will ever be happy with my body.
3. I lie when I say I'm not a jealous person.
4. I am sort of obsessed with my long time boyfriend's life before me, even though it included two crazy (ex)girlfriends and baby mama drama.
5. I worry about things to the point of making myself sick.
6. I am genuinely uncomfortable around elderly people, and because of this, I'm terrified of my parents growing old.
7. I sure I've found my soul mate, and if he thinks I'm not a little scared of getting married, he's very wrong.
8. I hope I am never confronted by her, because I've never been in a fist fight, and she would probably kick my ass, but I would go down swinging.
9. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here....seriously.
10. I still want to take a trip to Europe all by myself, I just don't think it will ever happen.

So there are my dirty little secrets. If anyone reads this and wants to share, go for it.