For calling myself a classic burn out case, grad school won't go away...people won't let my smoldering embers die, so to speak.
Yesterday afternoon my work phone rang and it was my advisor. She found me. It threw me off so bad, but it was good to touch base with her and I knew it would happen eventually, it was only a matter of time. I have been carrying around 412 surveys in my car for the past 6 months. Surveys that focus on what she has studied for the past 15 years, which she kindly suggested I research with her as my Master's Project when she saw me struggling to find my own topic. There was bound to come a day where she finally wanted them back.
I didn't know what to say to her...she made it a point to say she wan't upset or anything and she understands life happens and gets in the way a lot, and now I am going to meet with her this afternoon. She even insinuated since I entered the majority of the data, that she'll give it back to me when she's done w/it and I can finish up....I think. She is awesome for doing this, since I sort of crapped out on her.
But wait, it gets better.
I had to ask my boss if it was okay if I left early to go meet with her around 4 this afternoon. He said, "yes of course that is fine" and I was happy to be leaving at 3:30 on a Friday, woo! Well 10 minutes ago, he came into my office and started asking questions. "When are you finishing up your Master's?" I explained it him what happened, new job + moving + getting engaged + the holidays= no time for grad project plus that I want to finish it but I'm not sure if I have the steam left in me....my classic, "I had been in school for 6 years straight when I stopped" line. He told me to go work it out with my advisor, leave at 3 so we have plenty of time to talk and report back to him Monday with my plans to finish. He even mentioned that once I get the Master's he would look into getting my PhD funded....wait.....what?!? Whoa buddy, he just upped the ante, or whatever they say.
I had high hopes many years ago of getting a Phd but I let those go when I realized the dedication, work and time that goes into it, and now, my crazy, slightly workaholic boss wants to fund it? Really? That pretty much changes everything.
Or does it? I'm so very conflicted on this topic. I know what everyone is thinking...finish the master's at the very least, but I have gotten used to NOT being in school, plus I have a wedding plan, PLUS I'm the Matron of Honor in a wedding that is next May plus I'm freaked out about it....blah blah blah.
Opinions are much needed on this.....
Do I bit the bullet and jump back into the Master's Project now? Wait til after the wedding and start up in September? I truly don't know what to do...my newfound lazy when it come to the idea of school side says "are you insane?!" but the scholar inside me says, "you are SO close to a Master's...and possibly a PhD, doooooo it!!"
HELP!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Gifted?
My attention to detail is ridiculous sometimes. Some may not think this is blog worthy, but I feel so accomplished.
I tell you this because I just plucked a receipt I need to exchange a dress for a smaller size out of the garbage dumpster which was placed there 3 days ago. Gross you say? Indeed, but without said receipt I couldn't exchange so a girl's gotta do what a girls gotta do.
I'll give you some history: I bought a super cute dress to wear for my wedding shower at the end of the month at Target this past weekend. I tried on a large at the store and it was too big so I grabbed a medium and didn't bother to try that one on too, because I can't remember the last time I wore a small anything...besides a small sized bra. I tried it on earlier this evening, and its too big. So I began the search for the receipt and it wasn't in the usual places (bottom of purse, still in the bag in the plastic bag cabinet) then I remembered it WAS still in the bag, which should have been in the plastic bag cabinet because I asked Fiance to put it there a few days ago. Upon digging through our massive amount of plastic bags for a second time, (I keep buying those $1 reusable bags they sell every where now when shopping and I am determined to end the cycle of plastic bags in our home by 2010) I remembered the day I asked him to put it in the cabinet seeing it in the garbage instead...I was a bit put down by this, because he obviously wasn't listening to me when I asked him to put it away, but I let it slide. I considered grabbing the receipt then, but decided a medium will never be too big on me. Whoever came up with "never say never" is wise.
The trash bag containing the Target bag and the stupid receipt went out Tuesday and I just dug it out of our dumpster, along with the Target bag and didn't even gag in the process. Luckily the dumpster isn't too huge, and our trash bag was right inside the sliding door under a box or something. There was a lot of breath holding as I scanned for it, recognizing it by a familiar looking paper towel, but it took all of 30 seconds and now I can return my dress.
This, my friends, made my day. I feel like Charlie Bucket and his Golden Ticket.
I tell you this because I just plucked a receipt I need to exchange a dress for a smaller size out of the garbage dumpster which was placed there 3 days ago. Gross you say? Indeed, but without said receipt I couldn't exchange so a girl's gotta do what a girls gotta do.
I'll give you some history: I bought a super cute dress to wear for my wedding shower at the end of the month at Target this past weekend. I tried on a large at the store and it was too big so I grabbed a medium and didn't bother to try that one on too, because I can't remember the last time I wore a small anything...besides a small sized bra. I tried it on earlier this evening, and its too big. So I began the search for the receipt and it wasn't in the usual places (bottom of purse, still in the bag in the plastic bag cabinet) then I remembered it WAS still in the bag, which should have been in the plastic bag cabinet because I asked Fiance to put it there a few days ago. Upon digging through our massive amount of plastic bags for a second time, (I keep buying those $1 reusable bags they sell every where now when shopping and I am determined to end the cycle of plastic bags in our home by 2010) I remembered the day I asked him to put it in the cabinet seeing it in the garbage instead...I was a bit put down by this, because he obviously wasn't listening to me when I asked him to put it away, but I let it slide. I considered grabbing the receipt then, but decided a medium will never be too big on me. Whoever came up with "never say never" is wise.
The trash bag containing the Target bag and the stupid receipt went out Tuesday and I just dug it out of our dumpster, along with the Target bag and didn't even gag in the process. Luckily the dumpster isn't too huge, and our trash bag was right inside the sliding door under a box or something. There was a lot of breath holding as I scanned for it, recognizing it by a familiar looking paper towel, but it took all of 30 seconds and now I can return my dress.
This, my friends, made my day. I feel like Charlie Bucket and his Golden Ticket.
Really?
Random wedding nonsense: If you are getting married in 4.5 months, why on Earth would you send a "Save the Date" card?! You are going to send the invites out two months later!
What a waste!
Disclaimer: Planning our wedding has given me opinions on things I usually wouldn't care about. If I would have known all the bullshit that goes along with a wedding, we would have went to the court house, had an informal reception and gone on a really nice honeymoon to someplace tropical (we're going to Florida, so its beachy and budget friendly, but its no Hawaii or Bahamas).
Recently, one of my bridesmaids has begun looking for shoes to go with her dress. I never thought I would give two shits what she puts on her feet for the day, but then she sent me a picture of what she was thinking about and asked if they were okay and I had to say no. The shoe was all wrong for the style of the dress. All of the sudden, I feel like a control freak or even worse, dare I say, bridezilla. Now I'm telling them what to put on their feet?
I love this girl but she just doesn't get it. The dress is a tea length, slightly longer in the back than in the front strapless Chiffon dress and she sent me a photo of these multi colored brown heels with a closed, rounded toe. The wedding is in August and the ceremony will most likely take place outside. They weren't totally ugly, just totally wrong for the dress. They looked like shoes I would wear with a brown pantsuit in the dead of winter. This is quite frustrating because this same bridesmaid who couldn't pick a simple brown dress to compliment mine which is the reason I chose one dress for all of them (which I REALLY didn't want to) and then had to help her pay for it as well. Now I'll probably end up buying her shoes too.
Of course I'm horribly worried she's mad at me about this...she is a good friend and has helped quite a bit so far with wedding planning, but when I said you can pick your shoes, I imagined she could pick something that goes with the dress, not just any brown shoe...
All I can think is, "why did I do this to myself? Why didn't I just put my foot down and tell Fiancé let's just do a Best Man and Maid of Honor and no one else" but it is much too late for that. I have to deal with the repercussions...plus all the other bullshit that goes along with this fiasco.
Bottom line: I love my Fiancé and I'm so excited to marry him, but I strongly dislike wedding planning. The latest tidbit he has surprised me with: Fiancé insists on writing our own vows and not sharing them with each other before the wedding. I love this. It makes me nervous because he plans on writing his the week before the wedding but we decided I will write mine first, probably a month or a couple weeks before because I'm worried I'll be a big ball of nerves the week before. Both will end with, "I give you this ring as a reminder of these promises" or something like that so we can integrate the rings and the vows into one thingy.
Woo for awesome Fiancé.
What a waste!
Disclaimer: Planning our wedding has given me opinions on things I usually wouldn't care about. If I would have known all the bullshit that goes along with a wedding, we would have went to the court house, had an informal reception and gone on a really nice honeymoon to someplace tropical (we're going to Florida, so its beachy and budget friendly, but its no Hawaii or Bahamas).
Recently, one of my bridesmaids has begun looking for shoes to go with her dress. I never thought I would give two shits what she puts on her feet for the day, but then she sent me a picture of what she was thinking about and asked if they were okay and I had to say no. The shoe was all wrong for the style of the dress. All of the sudden, I feel like a control freak or even worse, dare I say, bridezilla. Now I'm telling them what to put on their feet?
I love this girl but she just doesn't get it. The dress is a tea length, slightly longer in the back than in the front strapless Chiffon dress and she sent me a photo of these multi colored brown heels with a closed, rounded toe. The wedding is in August and the ceremony will most likely take place outside. They weren't totally ugly, just totally wrong for the dress. They looked like shoes I would wear with a brown pantsuit in the dead of winter. This is quite frustrating because this same bridesmaid who couldn't pick a simple brown dress to compliment mine which is the reason I chose one dress for all of them (which I REALLY didn't want to) and then had to help her pay for it as well. Now I'll probably end up buying her shoes too.
Of course I'm horribly worried she's mad at me about this...she is a good friend and has helped quite a bit so far with wedding planning, but when I said you can pick your shoes, I imagined she could pick something that goes with the dress, not just any brown shoe...
All I can think is, "why did I do this to myself? Why didn't I just put my foot down and tell Fiancé let's just do a Best Man and Maid of Honor and no one else" but it is much too late for that. I have to deal with the repercussions...plus all the other bullshit that goes along with this fiasco.
Bottom line: I love my Fiancé and I'm so excited to marry him, but I strongly dislike wedding planning. The latest tidbit he has surprised me with: Fiancé insists on writing our own vows and not sharing them with each other before the wedding. I love this. It makes me nervous because he plans on writing his the week before the wedding but we decided I will write mine first, probably a month or a couple weeks before because I'm worried I'll be a big ball of nerves the week before. Both will end with, "I give you this ring as a reminder of these promises" or something like that so we can integrate the rings and the vows into one thingy.
Woo for awesome Fiancé.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
ToDo Tuesday.
From last week:
-Go buy myself something to wear for my Shower coming up at the end of the month.
-Get MOH the few addresses I forgot to include as shower invite people...oops!
-Possibly schedule hair appointment, IF the money is there for such a thing right now. No money for this right now.
-Enjoy my new tattoo :)
For this week:
1. Take care of myself better. I haven't been feeling all that great lately. Not exactly sure why, but need to do better with taking care of myself.
2. Try and enjoy the craziness that has taken over my weekends lately. Soooo busy but so thankful for all the good things the busy stuff entails.
3. Figure out how we are going to print the wedding invites.
Later I'll post some awesome awkwardness to help keep Tabatha's Totally Awkward Tuesdays alive :)
-Possibly schedule hair appointment, IF the money is there for such a thing right now. No money for this right now.
For this week:
1. Take care of myself better. I haven't been feeling all that great lately. Not exactly sure why, but need to do better with taking care of myself.
2. Try and enjoy the craziness that has taken over my weekends lately. Soooo busy but so thankful for all the good things the busy stuff entails.
3. Figure out how we are going to print the wedding invites.
Later I'll post some awesome awkwardness to help keep Tabatha's Totally Awkward Tuesdays alive :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Wedding Busy-ness.
I headed to my hometown Friday after work for a planning meeting/dinner about my wedding shower coming up at the end of the month. It was fun and my Maid of Honor/bff, sister and mom along with my sister's awesomely helpful best friend figured out who would bring what food-wise. There will be mimosas involved, I'm uber excited about that tidbit.
We also talked decorations. I suggested two options since I'm not too thrilled with having a shower at all:
1. Balls to the wall-overdone-wedding shower decorations. I wasn't ever the girl who *knew* she would get married someday, so I thought we could really own it and just go all out getting any and every wedding decoration we could find.
OR
2. Make it a literal shower theme. Rubber duckies, soap-on-a-rope, shower caps (?) and things of that nature. This will probably take a bit more creativity.
I think more people will "get" the shower theme, although the guest list is mostly good friends of mine, and the few family members I've invited have a good sense of humor, so I'm really only in danger of confusing/offending the two elderly women who will be there: my grandma and my great aunt. I don't want them to think I don't take marriage seriously, because I do, I just don't buy into all the traditional crap that is expected of me/us since we are planning our wedding.
The overdone wedding decor option would probably be easier and cheaper.
Anyone have any opinions on either?
*EDIT* I just thought of another option:
3. get some candles and three or four bunches of wildflowers they sell at grocery stores and just decorate with those. I don't know if I want any cheesy decorations at all...its just that the place the shower is at is an apartment club house type place, not someone's home, so I felt like it needs something. This option is a bit more classy...plus will end up being more eco-friendly because all those cheap decorations won't be purchased then thrown away. Plus we could gather cloth picnic style tablecloths (think colorful plaids, not gingham) to use...I know my mom and sister have some. I've been asked (nicely) to butt out though...lol. I'm overly involved with the planning of the shower because I feel bad for my best friend/maid of honor. She works 40 hours a week as a paralegal, goes to school full time at night AND is in the beginning stages of planning her own wedding. I trust her, I just don't want her to stress too much.
This option will most likely happen.
I went dress shopping Saturday with her, she's getting married a year from this Saturday and is having a hell of a time finding her dress. She wears the size of most sample dresses, so everything fits and she's 5'9 with curves in all the right places so everything looks fabulous to boot. I told her to not think about it for a day, and then look at the pictures we took and go from there.
It's funny we both ended up engaged and planning weddings at the same time...but we're going for two completely different types of weddings, hers a bit more streamlined and mine a bit more quirky. This pretty much sums us up as people too but that is why we are such good friends...we are different people but love each other for it.
We also talked decorations. I suggested two options since I'm not too thrilled with having a shower at all:
1. Balls to the wall-overdone-wedding shower decorations. I wasn't ever the girl who *knew* she would get married someday, so I thought we could really own it and just go all out getting any and every wedding decoration we could find.
OR
2. Make it a literal shower theme. Rubber duckies, soap-on-a-rope, shower caps (?) and things of that nature. This will probably take a bit more creativity.
I think more people will "get" the shower theme, although the guest list is mostly good friends of mine, and the few family members I've invited have a good sense of humor, so I'm really only in danger of confusing/offending the two elderly women who will be there: my grandma and my great aunt. I don't want them to think I don't take marriage seriously, because I do, I just don't buy into all the traditional crap that is expected of me/us since we are planning our wedding.
The overdone wedding decor option would probably be easier and cheaper.
Anyone have any opinions on either?
*EDIT* I just thought of another option:
3. get some candles and three or four bunches of wildflowers they sell at grocery stores and just decorate with those. I don't know if I want any cheesy decorations at all...its just that the place the shower is at is an apartment club house type place, not someone's home, so I felt like it needs something. This option is a bit more classy...plus will end up being more eco-friendly because all those cheap decorations won't be purchased then thrown away. Plus we could gather cloth picnic style tablecloths (think colorful plaids, not gingham) to use...I know my mom and sister have some. I've been asked (nicely) to butt out though...lol. I'm overly involved with the planning of the shower because I feel bad for my best friend/maid of honor. She works 40 hours a week as a paralegal, goes to school full time at night AND is in the beginning stages of planning her own wedding. I trust her, I just don't want her to stress too much.
This option will most likely happen.
I went dress shopping Saturday with her, she's getting married a year from this Saturday and is having a hell of a time finding her dress. She wears the size of most sample dresses, so everything fits and she's 5'9 with curves in all the right places so everything looks fabulous to boot. I told her to not think about it for a day, and then look at the pictures we took and go from there.
It's funny we both ended up engaged and planning weddings at the same time...but we're going for two completely different types of weddings, hers a bit more streamlined and mine a bit more quirky. This pretty much sums us up as people too but that is why we are such good friends...we are different people but love each other for it.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Fail.
So last night I weighed in for the first time in a month due to various reasons. I was out of town for work, and then we were too poor for me to go and then last week I didn't want to face the scale so I used a pass.
I gained 3.4 pounds in a month.
Now, to most people this isn't anything, but to me, this is an epic fail. It could take me another month to month and half to lose this again and the worst part is I've been doing the gym thing 3 to 4 days a week for the past three weeks. So I can pretend this is part of the gain; I'm toning muscles I haven't used in well over a year causing my mass to increase but I also have been half-assing my tracking of food intake and not making good choices w/what I've been eating.
I'm not striving for perfection in my weight loss and I'm NOT doing this because of the wedding...but it would be great to feel confident about my arms the day of and also comfortable in swim suits on the honeymoon.
I know I can do this...but damn it sucks to gain when I've been sweating balls at the gym for the past 3 weeks!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Change.
I'm having a "blogdenity" (hah!) crisis and decided to go for a fresh approach. It's white..reminds me of freshly laundered things and cleanliness.
Maybe it will procure more readers? Anyone?
Bueller?? Bueller???
Oh well, I like it more this way. Hopefully my one follower enjoys the change too.
Maybe it will procure more readers? Anyone?
Bueller?? Bueller???
Oh well, I like it more this way. Hopefully my one follower enjoys the change too.
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