Determined.

To get back on the right track, you have to get out of the old rut.

I am climbing out of the rut, so to speak. I will do this. I will feel good about myself and my body and I WILL start moving more every day.

There, I blogged it, so it must come true...right?

Sometimes I think the hardest part of this whole weight loss thing for me is, I haven't been a thin person since I was about 6 years old. I have no recent memories of being in good shape, besides when I was this time last year which was when I hit a plateau and stopped losing. I was working out 4 to 5 times a week then, and I'm not working out at all these days, so I'm hoping that will boost things.

It is just very hard to do the whole visualization thing when I don't really know what I am going to look like. I don't have a "skinny picture" to use as motivation. Plus I'm afraid if I try and do this, I'm going to visualize myself too thin and never reach that mental image.

All I really want is to be happy in a swim suit....and I'm not talking a bikini or anything...I doubt I could achieve that type of body without a trainer and working out 3 hours a day. I'm not striving for perfection here...just comfortable in my own skin. Which I can do.

Looky.

I got bored at work and this is what came of it. Oh and I definitely stole the hair-do pictures from a random person on Flickr. I searched "wedding hair" and it came up and I really really like the 'do. Sort of creepy but hey, that's what happens when you put pictures online for anyone to see. Maybe someday someone will steal a picture from this blog even...hah!

The dress, veil, shoes, flowers and brooch are all mine...well, the dress isn't in my possession, but will be eventually...and I really like the necklace and I'll probably buy it soon. The face is what I hope the achieve make-up wise. The shoes are my sister's from her wedding...I'll probably only wear them for the ceremony and then go barefoot or get some cute flats. the brooch was my Grandma Lane's which we are going to figure out a way to put it in my hair. Bouquet was made a while ago and a bought the veil in February from Etsy.

Woo wedding. I don't despise it so much today for some reason. I'm actually a bit excited.

Snap-Judgement.

Today stinks. The weather sucks. I'm sleepy. My poor Fiancé has this horrible sinus infection that's given him a horrible toothache. I have this ridiculously strong urge to leave work and go home and make him soup. I don't even think we have soup at home. Today should be cancelled and everyone in Ohio should go home and snuggle and be warm.

Alas, I'm at work...and since I have a valid reason (sick and pathedic man at home to care for) to leave, I'm sure I'll be busy today.

Boo April 7, 2009.

Happy Birthday, Love.

Today is Fiancé's Birthday.

If I could buy you anything for your birthday, here's what would top the list:

1. infinite time in an awesome recording studio for the band.

2. Some sort of van (perhaps a VW Eurovan?) for band usage as well.

3. a house big enough for us and all our stuff, including space for a "man room"

4. season tickets for the Blue Jackets.

5. cooking lessons for me...which would benefit you in the long run :)

Happy Birthday Babe-xo

We spent a long weekend apart and it only ever makes me appreciate him more when he comes back...I even missed him a little and everything.

Quietly.

Last night a couple Fiance and I are friends with were in town and I met up with them for a beer or two. I thought it was nice they called me since Fiance is out of town til Sunday, and I won't lie, I don't especially like being all alone at home for more than a day. Guy friend of the couple even bought me a beer, it was sweet. Then, out of no where, we were talking about the wedding. I didn't even bring it up. He did. Once the topic had passed, all I could think is "did that just happen?"

Someone else brought up my wedding and began volunteering plans and ideas. It was so bizarre, especially since it was the male part of the couple...which is probably because the female part is one of my bridesmaids and she knows when I need to talk about things I do, but that isn't very often lately.

I've been continuing planning, albeit quietly. We are gathering addresses. Fiance has a list of people I don't know well enough to have their numbers or see them regularly that he's in charge of getting addresses for to me. We made arrangements for the rehearsal dinner, I've chosen a pattern for the flower girls dresses and I'm getting swatches of the bridesmaids dresses this weekend so we can match the colors. The photo of the cake I want has been sent to my future mother in law and she said consider it done. The Bridal Shower is semi-scheduled along with the Bacholorette and we decided to start working on formatting the invites next week. That was all accomplished this past weekend....this is what's already done.....
Ceremony music is chosen. We aren't doing "favors" because I truly feel they are a huge waste of money and resources. My dress is ordered, along with with my bridesmaids too. I have my veil and ideas about my hair. I'm on my hairstylist's calendar and she's willing to come to me as long as she does the maids hair as well. I'm borrowing my sister's shoes for the ceremony, and I'll probably find cute flip flops for after. My bouquet along with my girls and the flower girl baskets are done and we have all the materials for the man flowers and mom/g-ma corsages. The centerpieces are planned, just need assembled closer to the wedding. Honeymoon is half paid for and the flight is completely paid for. We have a ride to the airport arranged and I'm working on getting a car highly discounted/free rental for the week down there from a friend who's husband works for Enterprise. The photographer is almost paid off.

We still need to work out the logistics of the food and flatware. We also need to sit down and spend an afternoon at his parents burning cds to put on my laptop for music. I need to go buy new makeup. We need to work out the ceremony....because he doesn't like it at all and I'm not happy with it the way it is either. We need to get Fiance a wedding band; he bought mine as a set. Fiance needs to work out what the men folk are wearing, but that is all on him :)

I'm just over stressing about the wedding because really, its just a day. Nothing will go exactly as planned and I'm more concerned with savoring it and enjoying it than keeping everything perfect.

Totally Random.

1. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Ketel One Vodka and Red Bull...I'm a sucker for the caffeine infused buzz.

2. Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink: Really good Iced tea with lemon.

3. Favorite Place to Visit: (I don't travel enough to answer this but anyway) Beachy places.

4. Favorite Breakfast Food: I'm partial to ommlettes.

5. Favorite Vehicle: Volkswagens. I would LOVE a decked out 2008 Jetta.

6. Favorite Fast Food Spot: McD's. I heart Big Mac's like a kid loves Chuck E. Cheese.

7. Favorite Shoes: Flops. I entertain the idea that I love cute shoes, but realize I buy them and rarely wear them.

8. Favorite Sport: Hockey. Its fantabulous.

9. Favorite Thing to do in my Free Time: Read.

10. Favorite Snack/Junk Food: Salty: cheetos Sweet: just about anything involving chocolate.

Goals for Today

I haven't exactly been doing so well on the healthy lifestyle front lately. I gained 2.4 pounds since March 11th. Now I know this doesn't sound like much, but in the world where I strive to lose at least a pound a week, this is a minor set back. I'm getting back on track starting today.

short term goals:
Walk, bike or do any other moderate to high intensity activity at least 5 days a week.
Write down everything that goes in my mouth.
Buy more fresh produce and lean protein than processed low fat snacks. I'm really bad about snacking. I'll snack on low-fat things, but when its all processed crap, its really not that much better for ya.
Use my free weights at least 4 times a week.

long term goals:
Be happy in swim suit.
Stick with short term goals for at least 3 weeks in effort to make them habits.
Completely quit smoking, including social smoking while drinking.

There is a yoga session coming up at the studio right by my place in town...I'm going to call them and see if there is still room in it.