Repercussions.

I try very hard to stay positive. To remember how lucky I am in life.

No matter how many times I remind myself of this, I can't seem to regain the optimism I had before I left college. All I can do is look back and think of how naive and foolish it was.

When you fall short of what you've expected to achieve in life, of the goals you set up for yourself, knowing you could have done it, but for some reason you flaked, somedays its hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am my own worst critic, and disappointing her isn't much fun.
When Thursdays are just a night of decent television, instead of the beginning of weekend and when the day after day of working 8 to 5 drains the light from your eyes, its hard to remember was optimism is. Hell, its hard to remember what day of the week it is sometimes.

But I keep going...trying to figure out what I can do to change things. Sometimes that doesn't get me very far either.

I try and not think of these things often. I push them to the back of my mind, along with the massive amount of money I pay to bills each month, and how much my job is more of an annoyance I deal with so I can pay those bills than a career. I look at my husband and remember I'm not alone. I have things to be happy about. I shouldn't waste my time on all this negativity.

Days like yesterday tend to bring all that negativity back to the forefront, so I blog and vent and try and not be a complete beeotch to anyone who I come across until I talk myself out of it once again.

It's exhausting.