(So last week was a complete fail, once again, at getting back on track with 30DaysofTruth. Now I'm just going to stick to once a day again, just a bit off schedule.)
Something you wish you had done in your life. I feel like I am too young to have a lot of major regrets about my life thus far but the one thing that comes to mind is: living solo. I moved from my parents to college, where I never lived with less than two other people. Then in 2007 the husband and I moved in together (which looking back, was sort of insane, we had only been together for about a year and a half, and we only saw each other once a week good thing that worked out I guess!).
Before I met the husband, I dreamed of living in my own little place (mostly on the days my roommates were driving me crazy) but also just because I thought it would be nice to do my own thing whenever I wanted; to not have to always be surrounded by people. It was something I always thought I would end up doing that did not happen. I couldn't imagine not living with my husband though. I always say he is the best roommate I've ever had because he never borrows my clothes and always takes out the trash :)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Day TwentyTwo: Regret.
Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
I don't regret many things. I learn from the bad experiences and move on. Except for one gigantic time period that is: adolescence.
I wish I wouldn't have been so sensitive to the bullies. I wish I hadn't spent night after night crying in high school, cutting myself (with a lady bic razor no less) to dull the pain. I wish I could look back on those years and smile with nostalgia instead of grimacing with thoughts of how painful things were. I wish I hadn't let it all get to me so much, because really, it all seems so far away now, so not worth the tears and heartache.
Yet still, after all those painful years, I wear my heart on my sleeve but I do it proudly at this point. I don't see it as a bad thing, I see it as something that is a part of who I am; something that lets me experience life in a way that many people never will.
I don't regret many things. I learn from the bad experiences and move on. Except for one gigantic time period that is: adolescence.
I wish I wouldn't have been so sensitive to the bullies. I wish I hadn't spent night after night crying in high school, cutting myself (with a lady bic razor no less) to dull the pain. I wish I could look back on those years and smile with nostalgia instead of grimacing with thoughts of how painful things were. I wish I hadn't let it all get to me so much, because really, it all seems so far away now, so not worth the tears and heartache.
Yet still, after all those painful years, I wear my heart on my sleeve but I do it proudly at this point. I don't see it as a bad thing, I see it as something that is a part of who I am; something that lets me experience life in a way that many people never will.
Epic 30DaysofTruth Fail.
I failed at this around Day 18 (in my defense, work was crazy AND a benefit for a good friend happened this weekend, so out of work time was crazy and then Kiddo was over and yeah I suck....) but here is my shortened version of each to play catch up:
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
To each his/her own. In a time where half of all marriage fail in this country, I feel like anyone, no matter their sexual orientation should have a crack at it. Plus, all those "marriage is sacred" people are usually on their 4 or 5 one (example: Rush Limbaugh is on his 4th where the 59 year old married a 33 year old girl. Nuff said.) Plus my first best friend in the 3rd grade was a boy who later came out in high school. We played barbies together as kids, so I always knew. I love me some gay dudes. In grad school, I had a girl crush on the cutest lesbian ever...we worked together on a project and she called me pretty. How flipping flattering is that?! Basically, whatever floats your boat is my credo on love in the romantic sense.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (I choose to discuss religion....politics are annoying, at best. Religion talk is the lesser of two evils to me.)
I see religion as something that gets so many people through each day and through tough times of life. I see the point and why there are so many different ones, but growing up Catholic I found little solace in my faith. I dabbled in being Methodist for a while. Then I went to college, became an Anthropology Minor and learned so much about evolution that I can't believe in God and all that jazz. I also took an Eastern Religions course where I decided if I did ever decide to pursue one again, it would be Buddhism.
Currently I like to think we aren't all just floating around on a whim, and that things to do happen for a reason, but I don't think God is that reason. I don't think praying to this God results in things happening or not happening, but I do think it makes people feel better to believe such a thing, so again, to each his/her own. Wouldn't it be nice of religious extremists (of all faiths, mind you) could say the same?
I also think religion is used by the powerful to undermine the weak, and that it has NO PLACE WHATSOEVER in government (even though it continues to crop up again, an again and yet again.)
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Ehhhhhhhh, this is tricky, because I used to partake in smoking a certain plant (and when legalized, I would probably again) AND I have a very love/hate relationship with booze. But let the truth be told......
I am a high strung individual. I don't decompress easily so I sort of used to use a little maryjane for medicinal reasons. It made me such a nicer person to be around. And yeah, it was smoked a lot just for the hell of it as well. After a while though, it got boring, and all I would want to do is nap afterwards, and that's not exactly conducive to getting homework done in college. I don't think Marijuana is addictive. At all. I think some people just really, really like to get high all the time. I have friends who have jobs, pay their bills and taxes and are awesome people, plus they like to get high. I think the government should legalize and tax the crap out of it (much like Alcohol and cigarettes) and get on with it.
Besides that, I've never done any other drugs, or any "hard" drugs......with one single time of snorting coke. I was not impressed and never did it again. Addiction is a scary thing, and I am very careful when prescribed any strong painkillers because having an Alcoholic father and a somewhat addictive personality could equal very bad things. This also kept me away from anything crazy, along with good common sense that putting something in my body that could potentially make all my teeth fall out (ie: meth) is a BAD idea, no matter the high.
Drinking IN MODERATION is something I am A-OK with. When an individual loses control, time and time again, I have a major problem with it. It can be a very bad thing for some people. I've seen it, first hand, deteriorate relationships and cause so many problems that would have never been without intoxication. Alcoholism is a disease, and if you know me well, I tend to stop drinking altogether whenever something dramatic happens with my dad and the sauce. I haven't felt out of control with it since before I met my husband though, so I think I am doing just fine with occasionally, socially drinking.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
First off, my best friend and I are grown ups and we rarely fight anymore. I'm talking it has been YEARS since we have argued. We have agreed to disagree on certain things, but we never fight anymore. We don't live near each other to see each other a lot, so we just tend to have a good time catching up when we do.
If it would have happened when we were in high school, I would have cried a bunch and then headed to the hospital to make sure she was okay. If she was I would have apologized, and if she wasn't, I would probably be a much different person today. She is the best friend I've ever had.
So that catches me up. Hopefully from here on out I can keep on track!
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
To each his/her own. In a time where half of all marriage fail in this country, I feel like anyone, no matter their sexual orientation should have a crack at it. Plus, all those "marriage is sacred" people are usually on their 4 or 5 one (example: Rush Limbaugh is on his 4th where the 59 year old married a 33 year old girl. Nuff said.) Plus my first best friend in the 3rd grade was a boy who later came out in high school. We played barbies together as kids, so I always knew. I love me some gay dudes. In grad school, I had a girl crush on the cutest lesbian ever...we worked together on a project and she called me pretty. How flipping flattering is that?! Basically, whatever floats your boat is my credo on love in the romantic sense.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (I choose to discuss religion....politics are annoying, at best. Religion talk is the lesser of two evils to me.)
I see religion as something that gets so many people through each day and through tough times of life. I see the point and why there are so many different ones, but growing up Catholic I found little solace in my faith. I dabbled in being Methodist for a while. Then I went to college, became an Anthropology Minor and learned so much about evolution that I can't believe in God and all that jazz. I also took an Eastern Religions course where I decided if I did ever decide to pursue one again, it would be Buddhism.
Currently I like to think we aren't all just floating around on a whim, and that things to do happen for a reason, but I don't think God is that reason. I don't think praying to this God results in things happening or not happening, but I do think it makes people feel better to believe such a thing, so again, to each his/her own. Wouldn't it be nice of religious extremists (of all faiths, mind you) could say the same?
I also think religion is used by the powerful to undermine the weak, and that it has NO PLACE WHATSOEVER in government (even though it continues to crop up again, an again and yet again.)
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Ehhhhhhhh, this is tricky, because I used to partake in smoking a certain plant (and when legalized, I would probably again) AND I have a very love/hate relationship with booze. But let the truth be told......
I am a high strung individual. I don't decompress easily so I sort of used to use a little maryjane for medicinal reasons. It made me such a nicer person to be around. And yeah, it was smoked a lot just for the hell of it as well. After a while though, it got boring, and all I would want to do is nap afterwards, and that's not exactly conducive to getting homework done in college. I don't think Marijuana is addictive. At all. I think some people just really, really like to get high all the time. I have friends who have jobs, pay their bills and taxes and are awesome people, plus they like to get high. I think the government should legalize and tax the crap out of it (much like Alcohol and cigarettes) and get on with it.
Besides that, I've never done any other drugs, or any "hard" drugs......with one single time of snorting coke. I was not impressed and never did it again. Addiction is a scary thing, and I am very careful when prescribed any strong painkillers because having an Alcoholic father and a somewhat addictive personality could equal very bad things. This also kept me away from anything crazy, along with good common sense that putting something in my body that could potentially make all my teeth fall out (ie: meth) is a BAD idea, no matter the high.
Drinking IN MODERATION is something I am A-OK with. When an individual loses control, time and time again, I have a major problem with it. It can be a very bad thing for some people. I've seen it, first hand, deteriorate relationships and cause so many problems that would have never been without intoxication. Alcoholism is a disease, and if you know me well, I tend to stop drinking altogether whenever something dramatic happens with my dad and the sauce. I haven't felt out of control with it since before I met my husband though, so I think I am doing just fine with occasionally, socially drinking.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
First off, my best friend and I are grown ups and we rarely fight anymore. I'm talking it has been YEARS since we have argued. We have agreed to disagree on certain things, but we never fight anymore. We don't live near each other to see each other a lot, so we just tend to have a good time catching up when we do.
If it would have happened when we were in high school, I would have cried a bunch and then headed to the hospital to make sure she was okay. If she was I would have apologized, and if she wasn't, I would probably be a much different person today. She is the best friend I've ever had.
So that catches me up. Hopefully from here on out I can keep on track!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Day Seventeen: Book.
The day we picked up my first set of glasses when I was 6 years old is a day I still remember clearly. I was mostly nervous but a little bit of me was excited. I brought a book (Bearenstein Bears) and read the whole thing out loud to my mom on the way home. My mother said from that day on she would find me in my room, reading out loud to my stuffed animals and later I would spend hours curled up on the couch with a book. Once I started a book, I couldn't put it down and once it was finished I wanted more.
My first book report in the fourth grade was on a biography about Jackie Kennedy. I read it twice just because I was sad when it was over.
I read 10 or 15 V.C. Andrews books the summer between 8th and 9th grade simply because my older sister had left them behind in what was now my room after she moved out. I thought it was weird to have them in my room but to have never read them.
So I did. And then after I read all of them, I took them to a used bookstore and traded them in for more. I was on a first name basis with the lady who owned that store by the end of the summer.
I love books. I've spent countless hours reading in my lifetime but one that stands out on changing my view about something is Number the Stars, by Lois Lowry. It tells the story of a little girl who's family takes in her friend from school during the war. I read it in the sixth grade and it was my first exposure (that I remember) to learning about World War II and the Holocaust. Once I was done, I felt like the world was a different place; that not only good things happen, but also the bad. I remember thinking how my grandparents were alive when these things were happening and I was in complete awe of how big the world really is.
***
My thirst for books will probably never be quenched. I go through phases with types and genres. I've been known to wander libraries for hours, reading backs of books and jacket flaps to find the right one. Reading is such a great escape, plus it's free!
My first book report in the fourth grade was on a biography about Jackie Kennedy. I read it twice just because I was sad when it was over.
I read 10 or 15 V.C. Andrews books the summer between 8th and 9th grade simply because my older sister had left them behind in what was now my room after she moved out. I thought it was weird to have them in my room but to have never read them.
So I did. And then after I read all of them, I took them to a used bookstore and traded them in for more. I was on a first name basis with the lady who owned that store by the end of the summer.
I love books. I've spent countless hours reading in my lifetime but one that stands out on changing my view about something is Number the Stars, by Lois Lowry. It tells the story of a little girl who's family takes in her friend from school during the war. I read it in the sixth grade and it was my first exposure (that I remember) to learning about World War II and the Holocaust. Once I was done, I felt like the world was a different place; that not only good things happen, but also the bad. I remember thinking how my grandparents were alive when these things were happening and I was in complete awe of how big the world really is.
***
My thirst for books will probably never be quenched. I go through phases with types and genres. I've been known to wander libraries for hours, reading backs of books and jacket flaps to find the right one. Reading is such a great escape, plus it's free!
Day Sixteen: Without.
Someone or something you definitely could live without.
One word that didn't exist 10 years ago: Facebook.
I have written here and here about how I love to hate the social networking site to end all social networking sites. Just last night, I begrudgingly logged on, because I needed to do something besides sit on the couch and vegetate, to find a friend request from my most recent (circa 2004) ex. It is bad enough he has moved back to the area and I have to see him in person again, but now he wants to be present online as well. I'm letting him dangle in friend-limbo (Frimbo, perhaps?) for a while. Eventually I will approve and then hide him from my newsfeed. I could really care less what is he up to, but I don't want to be that girl who denies friendships on Facebook. (Do you see why I hate it? I shouldn't care about being that girl, but I do.)
I've recently become friends with Little One's mom on there, which I am still sort of paranoid about choosing to do so, but its too late now. The damage is done, the friendship requested and approved. No turning back. I saw it as a peace offering, and as a chance to let her put together that I am the same girl she used to stalk on Myspace so many years ago.
I have seriously considered deleting it multiple times in the past 6 months, but then my healthy dose of "I won't know what's going on" fear kicks in, so I just tend to limit time I spend on there.
Cue U2 singing With or without you....because that's me and the Facebook.
In all seriousness, I could live without it, but I choose not to. I'm too invested at this point....too many pictures of my adorable niece have been uploaded, so some days I pretend like it doesn't exist and I actually, you know, spend time with my friends in person.
One word that didn't exist 10 years ago: Facebook.
I have written here and here about how I love to hate the social networking site to end all social networking sites. Just last night, I begrudgingly logged on, because I needed to do something besides sit on the couch and vegetate, to find a friend request from my most recent (circa 2004) ex. It is bad enough he has moved back to the area and I have to see him in person again, but now he wants to be present online as well. I'm letting him dangle in friend-limbo (Frimbo, perhaps?) for a while. Eventually I will approve and then hide him from my newsfeed. I could really care less what is he up to, but I don't want to be that girl who denies friendships on Facebook. (Do you see why I hate it? I shouldn't care about being that girl, but I do.)
I've recently become friends with Little One's mom on there, which I am still sort of paranoid about choosing to do so, but its too late now. The damage is done, the friendship requested and approved. No turning back. I saw it as a peace offering, and as a chance to let her put together that I am the same girl she used to stalk on Myspace so many years ago.
I have seriously considered deleting it multiple times in the past 6 months, but then my healthy dose of "I won't know what's going on" fear kicks in, so I just tend to limit time I spend on there.
Cue U2 singing With or without you....because that's me and the Facebook.
In all seriousness, I could live without it, but I choose not to. I'm too invested at this point....too many pictures of my adorable niece have been uploaded, so some days I pretend like it doesn't exist and I actually, you know, spend time with my friends in person.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Day Fifteen: Without.
Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
I'm going to do both...even if the second one is a stretch.
Something: coffee.
I relocated my coffee pot to my office, because previously more often than not, I was buying coffee every single morning while a perfectly good pot went unused at home. Now if I don't go out and buy some on the weekends I end up sleeping most of the day away. Most Saturdays aren't a problem, since I am usually out doing something or other anyways but Sundays are different. One Sunday I didn't go anywhere I think I fell asleep 4 different times between the hours of 1pm and 9pm. It was ridiculous. I got a hair up my a$$ a couple winters ago to quit drinking coffee and it sucked. So never again.
I only drink one cup in the morning....which is actually 16 ounces so it is technically two but that is all I have.
Someone: my husband.
Back when we were dating, we lived an hour apart and only saw each other once a week for the first 2 years. It first it was fine but after a while it was rough. Sometimes I missed him so much it hurt and I even got fired from a job (it was only my second day, and they tricked me. I mentioned how I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks and they said, do you want to leave early then? and I said yes. Next time I came in I was told it wasn't going to work out because I wasn't dedicated to the job.) because I left early to go see him. I hated how most of my friends never saw him and we spent very little time with my family back then. There were a few times I almost ended it because I wanted a boyfriend who I saw all the time but I always talked myself down from that proverbial ledge by remembering how good we were when we were together.
Once we moved in together (which was mostly his idea) things only got better, so while I haven't had to go from living with him to living without him, going from barely seeing him to living with him makes me think this applies?
Even if it doesn't, I don't think it matters...
I'm going to do both...even if the second one is a stretch.
Something: coffee.
I relocated my coffee pot to my office, because previously more often than not, I was buying coffee every single morning while a perfectly good pot went unused at home. Now if I don't go out and buy some on the weekends I end up sleeping most of the day away. Most Saturdays aren't a problem, since I am usually out doing something or other anyways but Sundays are different. One Sunday I didn't go anywhere I think I fell asleep 4 different times between the hours of 1pm and 9pm. It was ridiculous. I got a hair up my a$$ a couple winters ago to quit drinking coffee and it sucked. So never again.
I only drink one cup in the morning....which is actually 16 ounces so it is technically two but that is all I have.
Someone: my husband.
Back when we were dating, we lived an hour apart and only saw each other once a week for the first 2 years. It first it was fine but after a while it was rough. Sometimes I missed him so much it hurt and I even got fired from a job (it was only my second day, and they tricked me. I mentioned how I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks and they said, do you want to leave early then? and I said yes. Next time I came in I was told it wasn't going to work out because I wasn't dedicated to the job.) because I left early to go see him. I hated how most of my friends never saw him and we spent very little time with my family back then. There were a few times I almost ended it because I wanted a boyfriend who I saw all the time but I always talked myself down from that proverbial ledge by remembering how good we were when we were together.
Once we moved in together (which was mostly his idea) things only got better, so while I haven't had to go from living with him to living without him, going from barely seeing him to living with him makes me think this applies?
Even if it doesn't, I don't think it matters...
Day Fourteen: Fallen.
A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Growing up, I idolized you. Even if you didn't know it and I didn't always show it. All I wanted was your approval an acceptance. Even when you were mean to me in front of your friends, even when you wouldn't defend me when I was getting picked on in school.
Growing up, I idolized you. Even if you didn't know it and I didn't always show it. All I wanted was your approval an acceptance. Even when you were mean to me in front of your friends, even when you wouldn't defend me when I was getting picked on in school.
We are 26 and 29 and most days I still don't believe I have either from you, but I don't care anymore. Somewhere through those years I gave up on you. I grew up and I see you for what you are, for who you are and I pity you most days. It must be sad living so far from your family but then again, you must feel like royalty when the world stops turning (at least to them) when you are back in town.
I sometimes wonder what could have been and am sad for it for a moment, but its a waste, since that's not reality and never will be.
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